Page 485 of Kingdoms of Night

“Once.” She shuddered at the thought. “Big mistake.”

That just heightened my curiosity about the experience. The fall from the platform may have been terrible in terms of mortality, but the fleeting feeling of flight, like I was a bird of prey swooping down, was magical.

Magic, as it turned out, was what I was hoping to make use of. If only I knew how to come by some of it.

“Is there a court magician of some sort? Anyone I can commission potions from?”

Skepticism met me headfirst. “We have anything medical you may need on hand.”

“It’s not medical, not quite.”

The only conclusion I had come to was to bewitch myself. Love potions and spells were spoken of in hushed gossip, accusing certain matches of only coming about through one or both people having their hearts tampered with.

It would have happened had I been forced to marry a man I despised, why not undergo it for the greater good?

“I’m not authorized to request anything other than those for your health,” she said carefully, leveling me with a suspicious side-eye. “Anything that may need to be discussed with someone above me.”

“Great! Point me in their direction.”

Huffing with reluctance, she allowed me out. “For starters, your husband.”

I saw no use in suppressing my groan. “Do I need his permission for everything?”

A bump to my shoulder announced her accompanying me. “Until we’re certain that your fall was an accident, yes. Yes, you do.”

“You think I’m going to poison myself?” I scoffed. “I told you, I’m invested in undoing the curse.”

“Which is a position I would not want to be in.”

It was my turn to shoot her a doubtful look. “You don’t want humanity to witness a moonlit, starry night once more?”

Another bump to my shoulder, harder than the first. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I’m just emphasizing that it’s great stress that would make plenty give up.”

“How can you give up on something this important?”

She shrugged. “Not everyone is built to shoulder responsibility greater than themselves. It would be far simpler to be rid of life’s worries than to be invested in an uncertain future.”

“That’s deeply depressing. You think about this often? I knowIdo.”

An uncertain noise was my response for a good few minutes, until we ventured down a grand opalescent staircase. “It’s hard not to feel like a failure when you’re chosen to fulfill such a task and you can’t bring yourself to do the simplest part. To look at the man who could end the Evening Star’s tyranny before it begins.”

“All the more reason for me to get a love potion.”

Suzianna spluttered, like her tongue had grown as slippery as a fish. “Is that a good idea?”

“It’s the only one I have. If you want to ease the guilt of failing to free Tamuz, you could help assure that I don’t.” I tried smiling at her, projecting some sense of comfort. “Are you going to help me or not?”

“You mean to do this without him knowing?”

“Will he stop me if he finds out?”

She turned up her hands, uncertain.

“There has to be a way to get one without him acting as the intermediary. How else does everyone here function?”

“It might have to wait til you are cleared to visit the city…”

“How do I get cleared?”

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