Page 92 of Kiss the Filthiest King

“The fact that it’s there and means nothing eats my soul. I will always stand between you and whatever danger. I need to. Our bond demands it. But once this is over, once there’s peace, I need distance.”

40

THE FALL

Darina

Idon't beg. I certainly don't cry. Outwardly, I don't react at all, until I'm fairly certain I can talk without losing it.

From the very first moment he appeared, he's been the only thing I could rely on, the only one I felt I could trust, until Loch appeared.I've relied on him to an extent I haven't admitted to myself. I believed, wholeheartedly, that whatever danger we swam through with the court, on the other side he'd be there to help me navigate this world. That bond thing sounds like the same the mating bonds shifters, vampires, and other sups talk about back home, and I thought that meant we'd navigate all this together going forward. Maybe get to know each other, grow closer. Instead, he wants to leave.

That's fine. I didn't know him two weeks ago. I'll live. And what's more, I'll always be grateful for his help. I'm certainly not going to resent him because he doesn't want to jump into a relationship, a forever marriage with a stranger. I owe him my life. That's more than enough.

The fact that it’s there and means nothing eats my soul.

Welcome to the club, buddy.

Rather than making things more awkward than they already are, I opt to make my way back to the castle, trying not to act like a sad, rejected, dejected woman. If Ryther can be cool about this, so can I.

I clear my throat. "So how was your scary immortal being hunt?"

"Terrible. I was trounced."

I lift an eyebrow, surprised, both that he'd lose a fight and that he'd admit it.

"The eldritch are up here, in our sky, circling the shields protecting our world." He looks up to the many stars overhead, so much brighter and more numerous than what I could see back home.

I don't recognize any of the constellations, if they have such a thing.

As I stare into the darkness, my eyes seem to catch something I can't quite define, flashes of colors, shapes, energy. I've seen this. I had a dream where I saw bright flashes just like these, but from up close, on the very first night I spent in this world, before even meeting Ryther.

"To fight them, I leave my body behind, and send my consciousness up there. My spirit holds my strength, my power, everything that defines me beyond the flesh. But tonight, I felt wrong. Weak."

"What's changed?"

He shrugs and offers no reply.

We've reached the castle again, and when I enter by his side, I seem to attract more attention than I did on my way out, though I haven't switched my appearance.

"They likely think you got tired of the queen and found yourself a human chick instead," I say, trying for humor.

"Nah, the queen tired of me, replacing me with her seelie lover, haven't you heard? What's a man to do but find himself some consolation with the prettiest woman here."

I snort. I have no clue where Valdred is, and I don't care. In fact, I feel some relief that our tactic from last night seems to have worked.

When we reach the royal quarters again, I tell him to take the room, walking to my sister's instead. After all, we don't have a babysitter tonight, we're not supposed to sleep alone together. Frankly, after our chat, I'll avoid sleeping with him at all if I can. I'm far too emotionally involved, and the last thing I need is to cling to him more.

Rain's asleep on her bed. There's no sign of Rachel, but there will be plenty of room for her if she wishes to join us.

I stare at the heavy curtains all day, restless, empty, hurt, and confused.

I truly believed we'd have forever. Which is stupid. I don't even believe in relationships or monogamy. I decided that wasn't for me ages ago. I purposely dated men for months, in order to prove to my sister that relationships weren't for me. Now, I'm tossing around words like forever, and so sad that the complete stranger I believed wanted that too turned out to not be that into me.

Wake up, Darina. You have much bigger problems.

Or rather, go to sleep.

It's late afternoon when I finally doze off, and I wake to a piercing, shrill scream that immediately put me on my guard. I have a hand up, and purple energy shoots out of my palms before I can properly see around me.

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