Page 19 of The Masks We Break

He sucks in a sharp breath and drops his hand, a stern voice replacing his inquisitive one. “Eat, take the medicine, and then that’s it.”

Unable to speak over the overwhelming mix of emotions ripping my chest open, I nod again and walk back toward the stool.

Then I eat a delicious breakfast in silence. I let him walk me the few yards back to my door, whisper a quick thank you, and mutter goodbye. And then I shut my door.

That’s when the tidal wave of anger, frustration, and disappointment finally tears through, curling around all my organs before burying deep behind my heart. It’s an ache so deep, I can’t do anything but slip into Amora’s bed, where she lays scrolling on her phone.

She gazes at me once, then tosses her phone across the soft bedding and curls around me. “Nap?”

I nod, thankful she doesn’t ask and fall back asleep.

Screw Blaze Bardot.

ELEVEN

One thing about Blaze Bardot is that he’s honest. It’s been over a week, and I’ve yet to see him. Granted, I haven’t been to class since most of my TA work for Dr. Humphrey is remote, but the one day I did go, I couldn’t feel him.

Maybe he dropped the class.

I ignore the jolt of pain that ricochets across my chest and rub it away as I sit in the library and stare down at my homework for anatomy. It’s the first Wednesday of the month and my absolute favorite day. Every week, I meet with the Solace’s Steamy Reads book club and enjoy an hour of bliss as we discuss our current read. But on the first Wednesday, we nominate a new book, and the president makes the final choice. It’s the most exciting thing about my month and I refuse to let the thoughts of him ruin it for me.

Instead, I lean back in the oversized chair and gaze at the beauty surrounding me. While I should be focused on nothing but my doctoral path, it doesn’t light a passion in me like the towers of books covering me. The library is like everything else at Solace, the best in the state. It’s over four stories high, and nothing but modern steel and reflective glass. Every level has three kiosks that will help you find exactly what you're looking for or order it if by some chance, it isn’t here. My dream would be to work here, surrounded by books with the peace and quiet to read them.

But my path was set the day I was born. Like it or not, I’ll be hammering someone’s kneecaps in a few years in orthopedics. That is what my father decided.

Funny how he can pick out my future, give me a map to get there, but not help me cut down the weeds or fight the horrific terrain on the way. And it’s not like I can give up. In my family, it’s just not something that’s done. So instead of fighting a war I’ll lose, I decide being able to at least come to my sanctuary is good enough. It has to be.

Right on time, Shelly, the president, and the rest of the book club begin trickling in. Soon enough, I’m wrapped in conversations about fictional places and debates as we all present our choices and why it should be this month’s read. If your nomination gets picked, you aren’t allowed to bring another until everyone’s has been read, then it starts over. Mine is always one of the first chosen and most liked, but my current choice has tiny beads of sweat sprouting at my hairline.

I’ve brought a story out of my usual picks, but after the few weeks I’ve had, I need a little less contemporary and more fantasy. At least with fantasy, it’s easier to remember the guys aren’t real, you know, since most of the time they have fangs, or wings, or sharp black tails.

But after a few deliberations, the president picks another. And I think I want to curl up and wilt. It’s a Hades and Persephone story. How freaking convenient.

We finish our meeting, showing our proofs of purchase on our phones before we call it a night and leave. And as I scroll my contacts to call my book buddy, Lily, I consider for the first time not reading with them.

“Hey, girlie! How was the meeting?”

Lily’s not a part of the club since she can rarely make it to any of the discussions, but she always gets the books and talks me down when I’m having fits over certain chapters.

“Good. I've already bought your copy. I’ll give it to you this weekend at girls’ night.”

There’s a pause, and I glance at the phone to see if we've been disconnected.

“Remy, can I ask you something?”

My eyebrows furrow as I get into my car. “Of course. Did you not want to read it?”

“No, no. It’s not that. I just wanted to ask how you’re doing?”

I sigh. She means since the last time we had girls’ night, and I disappeared. “Y-yeah. I’m—“

“He cares about you, Remy.”

Suddenly the car feels a little too small, and I roll down my window as I pull out of the parking lot. “I don’t know-w wh—“

“I just want you to know it's not you, girl. Blaze is just…” Her voice trails off, and I hate the way my body burns from hearing his name. “I know it must have fucked with you mentally seeing him after so long, and I’m sure it brought back a lot of emotions. Believe me, I can relate. So if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here.”

The last thing I want to do is think about him, sotalkingabout him is completely off the table. But I still appreciate her sentiments. I know it’s not me per se, that is the problem with our lack of a relationship. But what was only supposed to be a high school crush, has turned into a weed buried deep inside my chest. Somewhere I can’t seem to fully reach, so when I think I’ve pulled it, with time, it grows back, taking over everything.

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