Page 29 of The Masks We Break

Out of all people, Blaze’s words shouldn’t be dissected or looked into any more than face value—that lesson was one I learned early on. But it’s in these moments that the boy who gave me an orange on my birthday slips through and frustrates me because it teases my mind with the possibility that he’s trying to show me hedoescare.

William takes a drink of his water before he leans toward the camera, more of his large frame filling the screen. The smile lines on his cheek disappear as he pins me with his gaze. I realize I’m holding my breath, a sense of anticipation gripping my throat tight. “I’d say it could mean lots of things. Maybe they really think that. Just a friend lookin’ out for you. Or maybe it’s something else. But I’m gonna be real with you, Remy.”

The taste of copper hits my mouth, prompting me to loosen the vice grip on my lip, but my pulse picks up pace.

“Any man thatwantsyou, will make it known. They won’t be vague, play mind games, or try to hold your interest with the bare minimum. So don’t be over there letting no lame dude hold your attention without putting in the work.”

“I’m not, I’m not. I just...” I trail off, realization finally flushing through my veins, purging me of all the heat Blaze causes.

I can’t use my books as an excuse anymore. Heck, even in those, the guy makes it well known he wants the girl. And with Blaze, he has done the complete opposite. It’s time I give it up. Grow up and let the high school crush die once and for all.

Nausea rolls low in my gut at the thought, and even though itfeelslike the wrong decision, I know it’s the right one. “Thanks, Will.”

“Look. I’ve been knowing you for a while. I know how you spend your time, and you won’t be able to get out of a funk if you’re doing the same things you always do, Rem. Go out with that crazy-ass roommate of yours. Get a tattoo. Hell, have a one-night stand, even. But don’t tell Spencer I told you to.”

His deep laugh shakes his computer screen, and I mirror him, giggling at the thought of our friend’s face if he heard us.

Spencer is like the brother I never had, and I’m finding myself missing him more and more recently. A sadness snakes its way into my chest, suddenly making my petty issues with Blaze pale in comparison to everything he has going on. “Have you heard from him?”

William’s smile fades, and he picks at a piece of lint on his desk. “Not lately. His mom is deteriorating pretty quick now. I think I’ll be coming down soon. Spend some time with him.”

I nod, hugging myself around the middle. I know what it’s like to be without a mom, but not the pain of losing one. My heart aches from the thought.

“Look, I’m a go pop some dinner in the oven, but let me say this real quick. All you do is work, study, and tutor. It’s hard to see how grand life is when you do the same thing day in and day out and don’t see nothin’ new. Broaden your horizon, and you’ll find better fish out there who will show you just how fucking badass you are. ‘Cuz you are amazing, Rem. So go do something fun. Safe, but fun.”

I nod, pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose. He’s right, and it’s not the first time I’ve thought about it. But this time, it’s the last. “Before you go, what was your answer?”

William’s green eyes light up, a smirk pulling up one side of his mouth. “Eighteen x squared minus nine.”

“That’s right!” I squeal, feeling like a breakthrough has happened on both sides of our video call.

* * *

I rise on my toes,leaning over the counter and wiping the foggy mirror with a hand towel. The girl that stares back is the exact same one that’s looked at me for the past twenty years. Well...almost twenty-one.

My birthday is tomorrow—the big two-one. And while I may be on the right track in life, I can’t say it’s been one full of favorable moments. Or even fun in general. It could be why I was so quick to gravitate toward someone like Blaze. He’s a taste of something forbidden, something so out of my everyday choices. And letting that go is hard. It means falling back into my routine with mediocre happiness. But that’s the thing. Maybe it’s just theideaof him that makes me happy.

You are responsible for your own happiness.

His words ring in my head like a siren, a wake-up call to the dull day in and day out. I’m tired of being content, and I’m glad I’m finally taking Williams’ advice. Tonight, Amora is taking me to a club downtown that she goes to most Saturdays.

Excitement and anxiety tango in my chest, threading through my ribs and making it hard to breathe. I’m nervous about going to my first club, especially with Amora, the light of any party. Everything she does is effortless and natural, while here I am, fumbling to screw the top off my contact lens case.

Just as the tab flips open, Amora appears in the mirror next to me, slapping her makeup bag on the counter.

“Hey, good-looking.”

I grin lazily, my lips pulling up slowly as I focus on keeping my hand steady to put the first lens in. “Hey yourself, lady. How was your day?”

Amora had set a record, strolling in about five thirty this morning and crawling into bed for the rest of the day. I made her a sandwich, and after forcing her to eat it, she went right back into her comatose state.

She groans, pouring some makeup remover on a cotton circle. “Worth it.”

I scoff and blink twice, letting my contacts settle. “Really?”

Amora sighs, turning her back to the mirror and leaning her butt against the counter. “I think I like him.”

My face snaps to her. No shame in how far my jaw drops open. Amora is not the type to fall for one of her weekly adventures. “What?”

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