Page 32 of The Masks We Burn

My breath whooshes out of me as I crash back down, the fantasy fading away with every inhale. It’s only then I realize I’m more frustrated. It’s then I see what I’ve started.

What I’ve unleashed.

And I am totally and utterly fucked.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Iam royally fucked.

Why did I kiss her? I mean, I know why I kissed her—I can begrudgingly admit I’ve wanted to do it for quite a damn while, but I know better.

Iknewbetter.

But still, I thought maybe it was all in my head. The insane attraction and pull, despite her smart-ass mouth and obvious disdain. I thought for a second that maybe if I just did it, got it out of my system, I would see she was no different than anyone else I’ve ever kissed.

I’m such a fucking dumbass. Kissing her took me higher than the fight I had half an hour prior, and that shit is disturbin’ as fuck to take in.

How fast can someone become addicted to a drug? Is it once? Is that possible? Because I’ve done nothing else but think about pressing my mouth to hers since the moment I took my first hit of her last week.

My therapist would be having a field day with me if I told her about Amora. I can almost picture it now.

“It’s a replacement for how you felt on the field. Your constant need to feel alive during those fleeting moments is what drives you now. You’ll grow bored as you always do, and need to up your stakes, or change directions for something new, someone unattainable to feel again. You’re still healing and finding your way. Don’t hurt someone in the process.”

I nod to myself, letting some of her words sink in. Amora and I want each other for the same reason—well, maybe not thesamereason, but I know our reputation to only have one-night stands is what fuels us. It makes us curious about what could happen.

But after becoming almost addicted to the idea of kissing her again, I know for sure burying myself inside of her is the stupidest shit I could possibly do.

I rub my lids, yawning as I look at my computer screen. Surprisingly, even after being slightly worn from my anticlimactic fight, I haven’t slept well all week. Not that I toss and turn or anything, it just hasn’t been as restful.

Guess it’s what happens when you work yourself up and don’t get to expend all the energy.

My phone vibrates on the table, Spencer’s picture lighting up the screen. I tap the green circle and put him on speaker, too tired to hold the device.

“Hey, bro, what’s up?”

“Hey, man, how was that fight the other night?” Spencer asks and I force myself to perk up.

I was supposed to feel on top of the world. But really, it paled in comparison to what came later. How fucked is that?

“Good. The guy was too cocky since I’m profiled as a boxer. He was doing the fucking most, and the second I saw an opening, he was done. Rocked his shit with one hit to the rib cage.”

“Nice, man. That’s awesome.”

“Yeah, and since I didn’t take on any hits, my next fight is already scheduled.” I remember the call with John from this morning. It renewed some of my excitement, knowing I’d be able to try again with finding the familiar euphoria. “Anyway, how goes wedding planning?”

Spencer gives a dull laugh before sighing. “You know we can’t come to a consensus on anything so I’ve kind of just started agreeing blindly. Not the best choice I’ve made this week.”

A genuine laugh vibrates my chest. “No shit.”

Another sigh. “Yeah, so basically, for the meal, we will all be at a long ass winding table that goes between the trees.”

Remy showed me a few pictures of the forest wedding inspiration, and I have to admit, it’s pretty dope. But I also know Spencer has a small fear of spiders, and our forest is rampant with them. “It will be alright. The floors are regularly cleared and maintained. The venue has these things regularly, so you don’t have to worry about walking down the aisle and into a massive web.”

Spencer blows out a large breath. “Yeah, I know, I know, I just—”

“Or a spider dropping down on your dinner plate just because the tables aren’t in clusters.”

“You’re right. Thanks for not laughing about it, man.”

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