Page 74 of Queen of Madness

My mouth opens and closes twice, words lost on me.How the fuck am I supposed to... how?My heart squeezes in my chest, my lungs pulling tight around an ache that’s beginning to grow too big to hide.

But instead of saying anything more, Onyx stands, brushing her hand lightly down her pleated skirt. “Take some time and think about it. You won’t insult me if you’d rather not, but the option is always on the table. Until then, though, let me show you around.”

I nod and rise to my feet to rejoin the group.

Before the host moves us to the next area, a blonde-headed woman catches my attention. She’s waiting by a bench, crouched down to scare another who’s seemingly looking around for her. To most it would seem juvenile, but then Maddy’s words ring in my ear.

“Perhaps it’s because I don’t remember even having a childhood and I wish to live it now.”

The small woman jumps up, scaring the other girl, and it reminds me of when Fi and I would play a game in the woods with some of the neighborhood kids.

We would both hide in different trees, and I’d watch, high from my vantage point. When the child seeking us would pass by her with enough room for Fi to run to home base, I’d crack a thick branch.

We won every time.

...Every time.

And just like that, I figured it out.

There was a saying my mother once told me when I asked why she went against my uncle’s wishes and took in the boys. He saw them as frail lumps of muscle and flesh, incapable of doing anything for the family but becoming a liability.

They were already tainted.

Broken.

Unmalleable.

They had suffered at the hands of others, and folded, allowing their addictions to rule them.

But my mother merely sighed and smiled as my father kissed the tip of her nose. “You see, weakness is not a reason. It’s an excuse. You think these boys can’t find strength in themselves and want to use what they’ve been through as an excuse not to take them in and you’re wrong. They will fight the hell coming their way, and when they make it out on the other side, they’ll be stronger than you ever thought possible.”

When I asked how she knew, she looked over at their door and wiped the lone tear sneaking out the corner of her eye.“Anyone can fight for redemption, baby love. But only those that deserve it will face any obstacle. Because they don’t just want it. They need it. Crave it, even. But most importantly, if they never lose sight of what they’re fighting for, it’s always worth giving them the chance.”

I’m so glad she did give them a chance. Without them, Embros Hearts wouldn’t have been possible. It’s the foundation of everything we stand for. And sometimes, people need help finding their way. That’s why I told Kane his mother could stay.

I can see the guilt he has over her wearing on his shoulders. It’s tearing at his frayed edges and there’s only a matter of time before she falls too far to be saved.

Too far down to be redeemed.

I don’t want him to lose a parent. The pain is everlasting and changes us in ways no one can possibly begin to comprehend.

Especially when we could have saved them.

Shuffling by the front door garners my attention. I’ve been standing in the foyer discussing a lost shipment with Kilo, but we had to pause as he went through his files, trying to locate the runner.

“Maddy, I have togoooo. But I’ll be back.” The brown-haired waitress Maddy is currently dating tries to tug her hand away lamely. “Promise.”

She must have to work as she’s dressed in her waitress outfit, and her eyes keep looking at the phone in her hand.

“Pinkie?” Madeline whines, pulling the girl back into her arms.

The poor girl turns fuchsia, her gaze darting to me and Kilo. Her voice turns into something close to a whisper-yell. “Yes, but if I’m late again, I’m totally getting fired.”

Madeline waves her away, smacking her lips together. “So what? You don’t need to work! Stay here with me, my love!”

Love.

It’s a word I haven’t said in years. Haven’t wanted to. My uncle erased it from my vocabulary long ago, and since then, I’ve not wasted time thinking about it.

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