Page 65 of Queen of Madness

“It’s a strategic move. If they wish to draw me out, they need to try a little harder.” I stand, brushing my hands down my dark slacks. “Because whenImove, it will be to claim checkmate, not check.”

“And what happens then?”

My eyes flutter closed, weariness working my muscles tight at the same questions being asked when not even I know the answer. But then, something happens that doesn’t happen too often. I’m surprised.

“I don’t think you should kill him. Your guard.”

My eyes snap open, finding Shi’s solemn face. “And why is that? He’s dangerous to what we do here.”

“Dangerous to you, you mean,” Maddy pipes up, hopping from the desk and circling around to join Shi.

“Elaborate without wasting my time, ladies.” I continue to stand, an indication I’d like to leave the suddenly suffocating confines of the office.

“He makes you smile. And you don’t know how to process it. It’s been too long since someone made you feel, Boss.” Maddy leans into Shi’s chair.

“He’ll want more than what he can have,” I counter. All of them have felt the darkness exuding from Kane. He does well keeping it locked away, but I’ve seen glimpses. One of which was in the shower.

His face was comparable to an angry god. He commanded everything, taking what he wanted without any regard to how I reacted. He only listened to my body and gave me what I’d deprived myself since laying eyes on him.

My heart picks up pace, the memory of giving him control, even for a moment, was too easy. I can only imagine what he’d do if I gave him a little more.

Yes, he makes me feel something besides the constant pain. And that’s even more reason to kill him.

“He doesn’t want to take this away from you.” Shi’s gaze is pointed down, but after a moment she must find what she’s looking to say and stands, grabbing the tips of my fingers. “Get what is owed. Then, let go. I think that was always the plan, but without something to continue for, we’d lose you. We all know it.”

“So you’d have me depend on a man t—”

“Of course not, Boss. But if the dick makes you want to stick around with us, I’ll take it.” A lone tear streams down Maddy’s face, but she’s quick to wipe it away.

My racing heart swells, and pinches, and feels as if it’s going to stop at any moment. I wish I could show them what I desire to free myself from. The pain of two loving parents is great. To watch them be brutally murdered because of something you started? Devastating. Being tortured, beaten, mentally stretched and forced to sit on a throne ten times too big without them to guide and encourage me? Unbearable.

My silent screams in the limo still ring in my head. Sometimes so loud I feel as though my brain will burst into mere jelly fragments. I want to be free.

And the only times I am, are when I’m tearing into the flesh of one of the Murphys, or when I’m with him.

I’ve let it go too far. But also, I don’t wish to stop it.

I swallow the bit of reservation I have. “I must be mad, a dunce, or perhaps both, but I’ll hold off on killing him for now.”

Maddy giggles manically while Shi’s wide grin takes over her face. “Oh, Boss. We’re all a little mad here.”

Why the fuck am I jealous?

And I am jealous. Murderously so. I’ve been around for all of the meetings Onyx has had to attend in person.Every last one.

Yet when the pretty boy showed up, she told me to go walk the estate. I could have argued the fact I’m her personal guard and need to be near her when she deals with people. But in the end, I decided against it, realizing it may just be another thing she uses to win the game we’re still playing.

A game I’m ready to lose now.

Our time is... limited. So what’s the point of denying us something we both want? Of the last bits of luxury I’ll ever experience.

Pacing by the side of her office for the hundredth time, I pause, the sound of Maddy’s boots clambering down the stairs. She hops the last few steps, landing on the floor with a heavy thud. “Whatcha doing out here?”

“Guarding.” I jut a thumb toward the door, a fresh wave of envy washing over me. My muscles draw tight, and it makes Maddy giggle.

“Hmm. Looks more like brooding to me.” She steps in the line of sight to the office and her smile grows unbelievably wider. “Ah, yes. I’d say broody for sure.”

“It’s just a meeting, Maddy.”

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