Page 85 of King of Ruin

All of these features are nothing we haven’t experienced before. Nothing we haven’t shaken off and healed with a few shots of rum. Nothing that made me so violently angry my inside vibrated.

No, it isn’t any of those things that strip my self-control and make red spots dance across my eyes.

It’s that the man whose story would bring even the strongest person to tears, has yet again, been written another shitty chapter.

A thick, white blanket covers his thighs and waist, draping close to the footrests where his feet should be–but aren’t. My stomach twists, but I steel my face, doing the best I can to keep my emotions from showing.

“Hey, Boss. I was on my way to tell you we got the cue ball all set up, but then I ran into this guy as the boys were bringing him in. Seems as if he was caught in a compromising pretzel in his hospital bed when they went to discharge him.”

Trick rubs Kilo’s hair aggressively, ignoring our friend’s grunts of displeasure. “I’d hardly say it was a pretzel.”

“Her legs were doing some weird thing in the air, Kilo. Let’s not play coy.”

“She was massaging my thighs!”

Trick scoffs. “With her pussy.”

A knot swells in my throat as the boys go back and forth. The anger that raged through me just moments ago dissipates into a simmer.

I haven’t seen Kilo coherent since before my parents’ murder. He’d relapsed right after, but never took too much to keep him from functioning. Just enough to keep his mind going and going, always looking forward to the next task so he didn’t have enough time to stew in his misery.

Now, without legs, he will be forced to slow down, if not stop, and face the demons he’s been running from. I can only hope he survives it when he does.

The realization hits me square in the chest. The epiphany that in just a few moments, I too will do the exact same thing. Only I haven’t been running from my demons, I’ve been letting them fuel me.

What will happen when the fire finally burns out? Will it consume me? Save me? Release me?

There are so many unknowns when my life has become nothing but vengeance.

Nothing but fulfilling a promise I gave my mother who loved me until her last breath.

Blood is all I’ve known since that day. Yet, sometimes, there are moments that make me remember. Thatforceme to remember–I was someone else before this.

I was someone who laughed, cried, dreamed, wished,loved. I was fearless because I had my family, but then, without them, all I knew was fear . I barely survived their deaths, and though my boys held me through the dark, they were no longer invincible either. They all became very human, and suddenly, I was terrified of losing them.

So they became weaknesses, and I had to create a boundary between us that would keep me from growing too close. Every emotion with them needed to be muted. Filtered.

But its moments like these, where Kilo and Trick are laughing despite the terrible things we’ve all endured, that make me hopeful. That makes mewantto dream again.

To love again.

“The evidence is clear. What do you think, Boss?” Trick finally turns to me, a wide smile etched on his face. “Was she massaging him with her cunt or fingers?”

My eyes flash to Kilo who is observing me in silence. It sends an unfamiliar tingle down my spine. One I’ve only ever felt once before.

He examines me even as I look back to Trick and answer. “Was it the nurse or the doctor?”

Trick chuckles. “Neither. It was Zek’s sister, Fiona.”

“Fiona?”

Trick nods. “Yep. Maddy had Kilo here watching her in case things went south, but looks like he had other things in mind.”

My brows lift in surprise. “Where is she now?”

“The Murphy Mansion. Or should I say the Kane Mansion?” Trick shakes his head. “That shit sounds weird as hell.”

I purse my lips and glance back at Kilo. The banter and silliness are gone from his gaze as he focuses solely on me. Somehow, I know what he wants, and even though I want nothing more than to go visit the man downstairs, I grant Kilo this. He’s owed that much.

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