Page 83 of King of Ruin

“Onyx–”

“No!” I’m shrieking now, and while I have never once raised my voice to scream at my girls, I can’t stop myself. I can’t hinder my tone from shaking and breaking as I throw a disgusting pity party. Rage and frustration bubble to the surface, and my ribs ache from the pounding of my heart, but I keep going.

“Ifeltsomething for him. Itrustedhim. I allowed him, and your acceptance of him, to lead me astray. And when I succumbed to his pretty words and talented tongue, he used me again! I was nothing more than a tool. For his freedom? For his new position? For him to be able to kill his father? Perhaps all three. And he got it all. He won everything, and I–”

My fingers fly to my chest, the sudden itch on my skin too strong to ignore. My sharp nails scrape at the delicate flesh, the desire to rid myself of these clothes he bought me too overwhelming. I want to scar the smooth skin he kissed. To feel the pain physically rather than emotionally.

Shi’s hands find my shoulders, and when I try to jerk away, she holds me tighter. “Listen to me.”

“Let me go,” I hiss.

She shakes her head, the loose, black tendrils not matted with blood whipping back and forth. “Listen to me. You know I have experiencedeverythingyou just did, and not for days, Onyx, but for years. I understand your anger. Your pain. And what you’re doing right now is drowning. You’re feeling too many things at once, and the pressure is too much for you to bear.”

I suck in a breath, but it isn’t enough to fill my lungs. Again, I try to shake her off, but she holds steady, forcing me to look at her. Forcing me to not only hear her butlistento what she has to say.

“You need to get control, Onyx. Take a second and grab onto something to keep you afloat. You’re safe now. The man who ordered your parents’ execution is dead, and the man responsible is in the trunk of the car in front of us.”

Inhaling her words, I drop my hands from my chest. The skin burns where I clawed into it, but it’s no longer itchy. “What–what else has happened?”

She wastes no time filling in the blank spaces. “Hearts' women were moved temporarily, but have already returned home. Deliveries and shipments were scheduled out, and businesses have continued to run as normal until last night. We put all hands on deck to come and get you. But we’ll open them back up tomorrow and include a few specials to make up lost profit.”

Somehow, my pulse doesn’t hurt my veins anymore, and the buzzing in my ears is beginning to fade. “Kilo?”

Shi exchanges a brief look with Maddy before nodding. Maddy leans over the armrest and twirls a stray lock around her finger. “That bastard is fine. He lost some of his legs, but the boys have already had him fitted for some new ones. He’s going to be walking around looking like an off-brandTerminatorsoon.”

When I take my next breath, the air isn’t as stifling and fills my lungs completely. “And Antonio, Cat?”

Maddy laughs, throwing her head back. “That man won’t kick the bucket until he knows you’re alright. Cat and Russ haven’t stopped fighting. They got everything in order and have already arranged funerals for the guards we lost in the ambush, along with Edwards.”

I nod, and Shi lowers her hands. Sinking back into the leather seat, my skin begins to cool against it, goosebumps sprouting along my arms. I allow my head to loll to the side and I peer out the window into the passing forest. Everything is a blur of black and green as Trigger speeds through the city.

It feels as if it’s been months since I’ve seen the trees, felt the wind, or smelt the ocean air. And suddenly I realize just how easy it is to miss the little things that I never appreciated before.

We ride in silence for a moment as I attempt to soak in everything that’s happened in the last few hours alone. My emotions are unstable, and I’ve been unjust to my family and their patience. All of them have endured more pain than I have at the hands of the Murphy’s, each of them hurt in ways I’ve never been. To lash out at them was juvenile, just like what I did tohim.

He protected me, and I hurt him. I was selfish, thinking what I wanted came before him. While I lost my world the day my parents died, Kane has been subjected to his torment since his birth. Forced into a life he could never escape. Meant to be used until his last breath.

A tightness pulls across my chest, a feeling of heaviness moving over me. Thankfully, Shire doesn’t let me stew in my newfound guilt for long.

“Feeling out of control is hard. Be kind to yourself.” Shi pats me on the knee.

“Yeah,” Maddy chirps. “You’ve just been through the ringer, Boss. It’s only natural to be a bit high strung. You can say even I have been a little, uh, volatile since you’ve been gone.”

“Not sure I would say a little.” Trigger interjects. “But really we’ve all been a bit out of our minds, so don’t worry yourself over any outburst, Boss.”

“Agreed.” Shi nods.

My stomach twists as Maddy hands me a small bag with a change of clothes.

Now that they’ve pointed it out directly, it’s easy to see my reaction was in response to my lack of control the past week. I had no say in where I was, what I ate, what I did–anything. I was just another prisoner of the Murphys–usable until I was disposable.

I slip on the loose black joggers and black tee, thankful we’ll be home soon and I can have a proper shower.

As if a flip has switched, visions of Kane and I in the shower flood my mind. His gentle work of cleaning my every curve and crevice after being locked up. His hands in my hair, massaging my scalp. He took care of me in the best ways.

I swallow thickly, a sudden lump forming in my throat.

I shot him.

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