Page 33 of Secrets

Her voice trails as she turns onto the feeder that leads to the highway. She’d told me her mother passed from cancer some time ago, and for a moment I resonated with her. Understand what the loss of a mother who loves you can do. Though in much different natures, we watched them suffer, become a shadow of what they were, see them still smile and try to put on a show for their daughters while internally burning into mere ash.

Even if it was by different hands, fate stole from us, irrevocably changing us on a level that no psychiatric care, no prescription, and no self care will ever be able to heal.

We were forever changed with the end of their heartbeats.

It’s only now that I realize Jessica continued to be what her mother raised her to be, while I turned into the very thing that took mine.

It’s a shame I hadn’t met her sooner. Maybe things would be different. Maybe I’d still be worth redemption.

Perhaps in another life.

* * *

When we pullup to the building, I allow Jessica to open both the door to the car and to the studio. It brings her immense joy and I make a mental note to do the same for her on our next date. I can’t help but wonder if it will bring me the same pride that it does her.

“Jessssss!” A woman with bright white hair and lean tan muscles engulfs the agent in a two armed hug. “It’s been so long. I saw your name on the class for tonight and almost had an aneurysm.”

Jessica’s soft laugh is both genuine and tinged with a whisper of sadness as she releases the woman. “Work has been keeping me busy, and you know those men can’t do anything without me.”

She grimaces while simultaneously huffing out a laugh. “I can only imagine. I’ve seen the news, and worry, so I’m glad you’ve managed to stay safe.”

“I know.” She gestures to me. “Elena, this is Willow. Willow, this is Elena. She’s never tried silks before.”

Willow’s smile is wide. “Oh, then please allow me to introduce you to your next obsession.”

I glance at Jessica, who simply grins and winks before slipping a hand in mine and leading me through a pair of open double doors. My skin tingles from where her fingers are latched around my hand, but I make no move to withdraw. Though, I’m sure it has everything to do with not wanting to arouse suspicion and not because of how natural it feels.

Inside, I’m greeted by floor to ceiling windows—which are at least twenty feet—engulfing two walls. Another is composed solely of whitewashed brick, while the back houses cubbies where patrons place their belongings. The pieces that stand out the most, however, are the pink-colored silks hanging from the long metal bars running horizontally along the ceiling.

I follow Jessica to the storage and join her in removing my shoes and place my bag in one of the empty squares. She leans close to me, the mint of her breath coasting along my jaw as she whispers. “Don’t be nervous. I got you.”

This coaxes a small laugh from me. I’ve never been told by another individual that they’vegot me. Hearing it, especially now in my life, sounds ridiculous, though endearing. “I’m certain I have nothing to be nervous about.”

“It’s a lot harder than it looks,” she warns as we walk to a pair of unoccupied silks. “Takes an insane amount of arm and core strength.”

So does hauling dead men to a river when Ben is indisposed. But rather than saying that, I nod. “As does hauling forty-pound bags of compost up to the greenhouse.”

Her eyes shimmer, but instead of responding, she grins. “Alright Wonder Woman.”

“Oh, darling, I’m far from being a hero.” There’s no doubt in my mind what she meant, but the response is out before I can stop myself. Almost like a reflex that I want her to know, to understand, that I am not a good person by any means.

But instead of saying what any rational person would, Jessica’s lips curl into an enormous smile. “Darling, huh?”

My mouth parts, but I’m cut off by the instructor walking to the front of the room. “Welcome, welcome. I’m so glad to have you all here, both returning and new, and I’m so excited about tonight’s class. First thing, safety.”

Having already signed the electronic waiver Jessica sent me yesterday, I tune most of the repeated instructions out and find my eyes gravitating to the agent beside me.

Her curves are contained in black leggings and a sheer white racerback tank. Her sports bra does nothing to hide her nipples—nor the bars threaded through them—while her ass looks incredibly perfect with the cinched backing. When she wraps her forearms around the pink silks and elongates her form, my libido surges to life.

I understand wholly and completely how wrong it would be to sleep with the woman I’m going to kill, but it doesn’t stop me from fantasizing what it might be like. How soft she would feel or how responsive she would be to my touch.

How deep her skin would blush or how full she would look with one of my toys filling her sweet cunt.

The thought alone is enough to almost make me forget what little moral compass I have and take her. To devour her before fucking her senseless, and then take her again. To have her pussy spread open, dripping with ecstasy as I glide a toy cock inside of her until she doesn’t think she can take anymore, but I show her she can.

So many things I would love to do to her, yet, all things I can’t.

“Do you need help?” Willow’s voice surprises me, and she laughs when I jolt back slightly. I note how more and more being with Jessica has made me unaware of my surroundings and I can’t deny the danger in that.

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