Page 35 of Secrets

My bottom lip disappears under my top teeth as I close the door and round the hood to my side. In the ten seconds it takes me to get there, my mind swirls with a dozen questions I want to ask, or the playful comments I want to make to help diffuse the sudden heaviness settling in, but instead I probe her, hopeful to learn more. Even if it means I find out we aren’t as compatible as I hope.

Starting the engine, I pull out of the parking spot and take the turn to bring us to the freeway. Elena’s hands are folded neatly in her lap, her gaze trained out the window. Twice I have to shimmy my shoulders in an attempt to shake off the nerves, but when it doesn’t work, I force the words out.

“Did you need someone to keep you from falling?”

She’s quiet for a long stretch of time, her eyes focused on the passing trees. My stomach twists with unease, the fear that I’m asking questions like that too soon creeping hot up my neck.Thisis why I’m always so playful and carefree with the people I date. Why I don’t pry and get to know them past what’s on the surface. Because moments like this, the ones where you ask questions that could make or break something that’s only just begun is…scary. Uncomfortable. A place I’d rather not be because life is too fleeting and there’s so much fun to be had.

With her, though, I have to. It’s like the world's most massive and complicated puzzle with no edges and no big picture to help guide me. And clearly I’m some sort of freaking masochist because the less she gives me, the more I want.

Just when I think this might be another time she switches the conversation back to me, she releases an almost indecipherable sigh. “I did. But I’m afraid not even they were capable of catching me.”

A pressure contracts my sternum, but then Elena continues to speak, and I know without a shadow of a doubt her words will wreck me.

“Nevertheless, they are not to blame for the path I chose. Not the failures, nor the victories. They were simply supports to see me through or keep me grounded, and I find that in the life I had, the things I’ve done, that was a savior in itself.”

“Mrs. Ward.” I recall how relaxed Elena was around her.

She nods once. “Yes. She, along with her son have been a vital part of my life.”

When she doesn’t elaborate, I have to bite into my bottom lip to keep from trying to pull more out of her. With what little experience I have with Elena, I know if I push, she’ll clam up, and not even the best of my jokes will be able to pry her open again. So instead of saying anything, I simply nod and focus on the road, dipping in and out of Friday night traffic with relative ease, my heart thrumming in my throat the entire time. It isn’t until we reach the long bridge that connects Georgia to Noxus that we speak again, this time it’s Elena asking about the more advanced techniques in aerial silks.

We make it back to Baudelaire’s much faster than I want to, and when I pull into the parking lot, it physically pains me that our date is over.

When she exits the car, I gesture to the shop, realizing that I’m dropping her back off at work. “You know, I don’t mind taking you home.”

“I am home.” She smiles and elaborates when my brows pull together. “I have a studio above my store. It was renovated when I took over.”

“Ah, that’s nice. I bet I’d still manage to be late everyday.” I huff as I lead her up the short steps to the front door, each step getting heavier than the last. “Despite the soreness I know is going to wreck me tomorrow, I really had a good time. Thank you for coming.”

Elena shakes her head, a small tendril falling loose from her bun. “No, thank you. I enjoyed learning a new skill, and watching you?—”

Before I realize what I’m doing, I’ve lifted a hand and am hooking the lock of hair behind her ear. The pads of my fingers brush against the shell, and my body becomes profoundly aware of her. The small hitch in her breath, the slight part of her lips, the light flutter of her eyelashes.

Those green eyes of hers flash to mine, piercing me with a look that cements me in place, and we stay there, stuck in our own orbit, just like at the observatory. My veins ache with the speed of my pulse, and with every passing second, I realize how stupid I would be to not fucking kiss her.

Yet, as every square inch of my skin burns to do it, I can’t. Not without the lingering sting of fear. Of rejection. A feeling I haven’t felt in so goddamn long, but has suddenly resurfaced like an ex after they get the smallest whiff of your happiness.

My bones turn to ash as I realize how badly I’m still so fucked up.

Why do I do this to myself?Every. Fucking. Time.

“You never cease to amaze me, Agent.” Her words are nothing more than a hushed whisper.

My hand slides down, brushing across her jawline until I force myself to drop it, hating how my heart plummets with it. “How so?”

She shakes her head, a nerve in her jaw pulsing. “I find you more perplexing than I initially imagined.”

I give her a lopsided smile. “Now that is not?—”

The phone in my pocket vibrates violently with the sound of my uncle’s ringtone, causing both of us to jolt back, our bubble once again popped into oblivion. I’m quick to reject and silence it through the outside of my leggings with a quick double squeeze of the power button. “Sorry I thought I had that?—”

Again, the phone blares to life, shaking my thigh with a vengeance, and something deep in my core snaps awake, demanding I answer. My uncle isn’t the type to call after hours, and definitely wouldn't call back to back.

Fuck.

“I’m sorry. Can I grab this real quick?”

I fish the phone out at the same time Elena nods. “Of course.”

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