Page 44 of Secrets

This woman will be the absolute death of me.

I could lie and say the only reason I haven’t killed her is because of my predisposed morals. The required stipulations that must be in place before I guiltlessly send someone to Hell. But even I can admit the agent has captured a piece of me no one has ever even managed to touch. She has exposed me to a part of myself I wasn’t aware I still possessed. A part long dead and gone, buried deep in a garden behind a house with blue shutters.

I have three days to decide who dies. Me or her. The one who deserves it, or the woman with blue eyes that match the very shutters I despise.

My heart is pounding out of my fucking chest, and twice I’ve checked my smart watch to see if I’m in Afib.

I’ve been to Elena’s shop more in the past few weeks than I’ve been to The Four in a month, but not once has she invited me to her apartment upstairs. Hell, up until today, it’s just been another mystery locked behind a vault I thought I’d never find the keys to. Or rather, she wouldn’t allow me to locate. But now, I’m standing at the entrance to her shop with my pulse pounding so loudly in my ears, I almost don’t even hear her greeting as she approaches the door.

As always, she looks spectacular, her red waves cascading over her shoulders and framing breasts contained in a black thin strapped dress hugging her in all the right places. She opens the door and grins, her face lighting up in a way only hers can, as she leans forward to hug me.

“Hey, Red.” I press a quick kiss to her lips, loving how natural it feels. “How was your day?”

One of her brows hitch up before she hooks a finger under my chin, drawing me back to her. Her gaze is low and sultry, completely melting the trepidation that was filling me moments ago. She presses her mouth to mine in a slow, deliberate motion, causing goosebumps to raise all along my skin. Once, twice. Both incredibly sensual and brain-foggingly perfect.

“You’ll find I’m not a fan of swift, Agent.” Her voice is silk as she releases me and turns to lock the door behind me. Then, before I can gather myself enough to respond, she slips her hand in mine and leads me to a narrow staircase at the back of the shop. “Watch your step.”

I hate when she releases me, but immediately forget my displeasure as she saunters up the stairs. Her hips twist in the smallest motion, but it’s more than enough to cause her skirt to sway in the back, exposing more of those tan thighs. My mouth waters at the shape of her, those curves I dream of just inches away.

A stroke of lightning extends through my limbs as I follow behind, my eyes tracing every part of her I want to explore with my tongue while I somehow trap a moan in my throat. It isn’t until we reach the landing that I manage a breath.

It takes a second, and Elena’s ass moving from my line of sight as she steps into her apartment that I take in the surroundings I’ve only ever seen glimpses of on FaceTime. Brick walls, dark wood, and plenty of greenery decorate the immaculately clean space, and it is exactly what I’d expect Elenas’s home to look like. The earthy smell that I’ve come to love fills my lungs and I realize I could literally drown in it without a care in the world.

“This is beautiful.” I tell her as I follow her to the quaint kitchen where two reusable cotton bags rest on the counter.

“Thank you. It was most certainly a labor of love.”

“Well, it definitely wasn’t in vain. And this view.Gah, I bet the rain puts you right to sleep.” My eyes flit to the skylight above. No more than three feet across, it showcases a gorgeous bubble gum pink sky painted with orange streaks as the sun sets, a few clouds hanging overhead, each oddly shaped. “I never understood how people can make things out of clouds. They all kind of look like a pile of peanuts to me.”

“You remind me of a peanut.”

My face snaps to Elena, who is withdrawing paints from one of the bags like she didn’t just casually refer to me as a salty snack. “What?”

Her smirk is lopsided and even though I’m a little dumbfounded, it’s still endearing. “A peanut, Agent. You share similarities.”

My lips part twice as I watch her take out a pack of small brushes and two ceramic pots. I can’t tell if she’s making a joke—which isn’t really in her character—or if she’s dead ass serious. After another stretch of silence as she packs away the bags and starts squirting little dollops of paint out on a silver tray, I finally speak. “Would you care to enlighten me? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love that something makes you think of me, but couldn’t it be…I don’t know, something a little sexier? Funnier maybe?”

Elena’s emerald eyes flash to mine, and for a long moment, she simply examines me. Her gaze floats over my features as though she’s considering all the ways I remind her of a damn nut. And I sit there, like actually sit still, letting her complete a full once over before she looks away, and busies herself with more paint.

For a second, I think she’s not going to answer me, but when she finally speaks, her voice is soft, and not at all in the confident tone I’m used to.

“Sometimes, after spending time in the garden, my mother and I used to lay in the clover and watch the clouds drift by. She always said I was good at picking out shapes she couldn’t see. They all merely looked like shapeless blobs to her until I pointed one out and assigned it a name. In retrospect, I suspect it was likely the horrid cards she’d been handed in life that stole her ability to see things for anything other than what they were. But not me. I hadn’t yet realized what I was experiencing wasn’t normal, so my vision was tinted from rose-colored glasses, and it made her so happy.”

Elena finishes pouring the remaining paints before picking up the small trays and leading me over to the small iron bistro table. I grab the ceramic pots and brushes before joining her, too scared to speak in fear she’ll stop talking. After being together for a month and talking as much as we do, she has never given me so much as a glimpse into life before adulthood. So I remain as quiet as possible, absorbing everything like a sponge.

“And doing that with her, laying there and getting her to see things for more than what they were and watching her light up when the images took shape became my favorite things to do. It’s all I wanted to do. Make her happy. Then, after her death—her murder—things changed. The sky was no longer full of animals and flowers and miscellaneous shapes.” Elena’s face sobers as we sit and she picks up a thin brush. She twirls it between her fingers while her gaze fixates to the pot in front of her. She’s lost in a place so far from me, and it takes everything in me not to reach out and pull her back. But as soon as my heart squeezes so much it radiates in my chest, she clears her throat.

“They were simply blobs. Shapeless, meaningless clouds that were just that. Evaporated water, collecting to condensate.”

I swallow around the lump suddenly in my throat, my eyes burning around the edge as she continues.

“The first time I saw a shape again was the day after I saw you at the bar. I was watering the plants outside, and a cloud caught my eye. It wasn’t any different from the ones around it, but something made me look again. Examine it a moment longer. That’s when I saw it. A peanut. Perfectly curved and rounded at the edges. I stared at it for as long as it was in the sky, and when it passed, I searched for another. Any that resembled anything. See if it was a fluke or if something had changed. But I didn’t find one. Not until the afternoon you showed up in my shop. That time it was a sleeping cat. And then the next time I saw you, there was something else. And the next, and the next. You have unexpectedly and irrevocably changed something in me. Something so deeply seated that I couldn’t possibly guess what it is. All I know is that for the first time in a very long time, Agent, is that I can see again.”

My lips part to speak but close when she reaches across the table and brushes a thumb over my cheek, sweeping away a tear that slipped free.

“So, yes, while it may be odd or unorthodox, or the opposite of sexy, you remind me of a peanut. Of joy lost in a time and place I’d never think I’d reach again.”

Her smile is a mix of sad and joyful, and there is something in the fucking depth of my stomach that says this moment is so much more substantial than what I can possiblygrasp. And as though she can sense it, Elena leans over the small table and presses her lips against mine in a tender kiss. When she withdraws, she dips her paintbrush into the red, and begins to freehand a strawberry on the vase, her confident, nearly smug, demeanor back in place.

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