Page 64 of Secrets

She’s quiet and I know before she asks, she’s already worked out this answer as well. “Were you sent to kill me?”

My eyes squeeze shut, but the burning sensation at the brim doesn’t ebb, I don’t reopen them. “Yes.”

The silence is crushing. Each haggard beat of my heart and heavy breath she exhales acts as another pound of pressure squeezing around me. Every time I attempt to talk, try to explain, I stop, well aware that it doesn’t matter. I don’t deserve her forgiveness.

And in the end, I’m nothing more than the cowards I kill.

I let Jessica walk away. I let her shut the door without so much as saying a single word. Her steps echo down the stairwell until they fade for good, taking our future with her.

I’m not sure how long I sit at the table.

How long it takes for the air not to smell like her.

All I know is that when I wipe the tear from my cheek, I remember what was most important. Something I seemed to have forgotten somewhere down the line and needed a reminder.Thisbeing that reminder.

I willalwaysbe my father’s daughter.

* * *

When I openmy eyes again, I find my studio trashed. Snapped vinyl records litter the floor, plants and shards of the vases they called home now shattered in a thousand pieces. Books and their contents have been ripped to shreds, while lamps and broken bulbs lie among the debris.

I take in the scene but feel nothing.

I feel nothing at all.

There was no doubt this day was to come. I simply did not think I would be this affected. Care so much. Until a couple of months ago, I wasn’t even sure I was capable of caring about anyone, let alone this deeply.

Jessica isn’t just a pretty face and warm smile.

She is the one who pulled me from a place in which I was stuck. A place I thought I’d remain for the rest of my days.

I hate that when she saw the real me, she saw what everyone else sees.

A monster.

I don’t blame her though. How could I?

It’s my fault for thinking she’d see anything other than the truth. About all of us. Me, Alexi, Ben…

Spurred by a sudden realization, I leave the studio and rush down the stairs. I need to warn Ben and Mrs. Ward. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, and I can’t lose them too.

I find my keys in the front door—likely left by Jessica after she stormed out—and lock up, ensuring the sign is still flipped to the closed side before going to the back. I bypass the security display and yank the heavy metal door open.

That’s when I have my second greatest regret—because if I had simply looked at the monitor, I would have seen the alley wasn’t empty.

“Ithought you said you were going to take the week off?” Jenna appears at the edge of my desk, her hair already pulled down from its stationary bun. Her eyes are tired, along with the rest of the staff, after pulling six dead bodies from the river.

The cartel has been a cluster-fuck. They’ve begun pointing fingers at cops, while blaming the agency for allowing the mafia family in Noxus to invade Georgia. It’s funny to me how a fucking gang can have the gall to complain like they aren’t feeding teens drugs and forcing women into sex work.

The entire system is one giant joke, but I can’t say that out loud. Can’t admit that I can see why no one’s looked into the murders in the river because the bodies there belong to assholes whoarebetter off dead. I damn sure can’t confess, even in the farthest, most isolated corner of my thoughts, that I understandwhyshe killed them. Why she took matters into her own hands.

Because that would mean forgiving her. For bypassing the fact that I was almost one of her victims.

Hell, I still may be. Who’s to say everything between us wasn’t fake? That those moments when she finally gave me a smile, or a laugh, that they weren’t premeditated emotions, given only so I didn’t become suspicious.

Who’s to say everything wasn’t a fucking lie, and I’m as stupid now as I was when I thought being with Alexi would take away even an ounce of my pain.

“Jess.” Jenna nudges my shoulder, reminding me she’s still at my desk. “You should have taken more time. You’ve been a complete zombie all day. Everyone would understand.”

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