Page 105 of This Side of Beautiful

Cedrick shut his eyes, and Frankie turned away. I popped the pills in my mouth and swallowed them dry. Refusing to feel any guilt for what I’d just done, I sat back down in front of the mirror, wiping my tears. I inhaled and exhaled, waiting for the familiar waves of peace to float through me.

In five, four, three… Iwill be as light as a feather, flying high abovemy worries and darkness.

The heaviness started to lift, and my chest relaxed.

I twisted my neck from side to side. “Tell Landon that I’m ready. Let’s start with ‘Lonely Woman’ first and then give them a hint of ‘Fallen Star’ and then close with it.”

Brian rushed out of the room, and Cedrick walked out much slower.

Frankie stared at me in the mirror, huffing and shaking her head, clearly disappointed.

“Don’t you dare judge me. You don’t have a clue what my mother just did to me. You want to be in this game, then you roll with the waves or get off the boat. Now, fix my face. We have a show to do,” I barked.

She blew out her breath slowly and did as she was told.

My love for him raged as I watched Landon play his guitar near me. When his eyes were closed and he bit his bottom lip, nothing or no one else mattered. I envied his rare ability to transform a simple minor chord into a symphonic creation with unimaginable ease and humbleness. I also envied his steadfastness to his craft, to his band, and to me. I prayed his belief in me wouldn’t falter once he realized that I’d broken my promise.

On my cue, his lips curved, and he tugged on his thick, wild curls. Landon had left behind his hat for me, and I wouldn’t lose this beautiful man. I wouldn’t.

I pulled my hat down lower on my head and sauntered on stage as the Los Angeles crowd yelled and screamed. I could do no wrong in their eyes. And I wanted to stay as long as possible on this stage viewed through their rose-colored lenses.

As I moved to the center, I signaled to Landon to quiet the music. I allowed my pain, my hurt, my anger, and my trauma to flow from out of me into an a cappella version of “A Lonely Woman.”

I bowed deeply at the last note, and The Hollow Bones started chanting my name. Their harmonized sound traveled through the arena until the entire audience shouted, “Janae.” Unburdened of the baggage I’d carried on the stage, I rose and spread my arms wide. Landon had been right, and if I trusted myself, the music would have been enough to unleash my troubles. As I stood there, I knew from the depths of my soul that I would never take another pill or drink alcohol. God had given me a gift to exorcise my demons, and I wouldn’t take it for granted again.

I gestured to The Hollow Bones and encouraged the audience to scream louder for them. I blew a kiss at Landon, whose hazel eyes gleamed green as he beamed, and the noise grew louder at the evidence of our love.

“Los Angeles, are you ready?” I asked into the mic.

It was truly an unforgettable night at the Forum.

Chapter Thirty-Six

landon

Like the night oftherodeo show, I observed Janae flirt and laugh as she moved through The Deluxe Club as we celebrated the end of the tour. I sipped water, and those around me drank wine and champagne and were merry. Numbly, I watched her as she hugged Cedrick and then Frankie. I sat alone at the bar table for two for most of the night. It was a private party, so I wasn’t bothered by zealous fans, though a few people from the restaurant and guests of the venue staff wanted selfies, and I obliged.

Janae weaved in and out of the tables set for our special night, held against the backdrop of the greatest African-American musicians in history. Michael Jackson, Beyoncé, Chuck Berry, B.B. King, and other greats graced the walls. Janae Camille Warner would be on those walls one day, and I would be proud to say that she’d once loved me and that I’d loved her. I picked up my cell and ran my finger over the selfie of us on the train.

I wasn’t enough for her. I hadn’t been able to help her when she needed me the most because what I could give, she didn’t want, and I could never give her what she wanted. I’d been elated when she walked on the stage, strong, fierce, and beautiful. I’d thought her able to command a stage of that magnitude clean and sober. When we’d left the stage, and she avoided me, I’d known otherwise.

Even at this party, she refused to be in my presence for longer than a second. I continued to sit and observe as I contemplated my next move. Staying with her had become almost impossible after I realized what she’d done and that Cedrick had given her what she’d asked for. They’d convinced me to leave so he could feed the habit I thought she’d beaten. My stomach churned with hurt and disappointment that two people I trusted had tricked me.

“My daughter should never leave you alone. Way too handsome to be sitting here waiting for her.” A pretty woman approached me with an outstretched hand. “I’m Ebony Tanner, Janae’s mother.”

I took her hand and smiled politely. “I see the resemblance.”

Ebony touched her chest. “You were amazing. I don’t think I cared about the guitar until you played it.”

I sipped on my water and looked past her shoulder for Janae. She caught my gaze from across the museum and shook her head slightly. She wasn’t going to come near us.

“What did you say to Janae earlier?”

Ebony’s sculpted eyebrows met. “I didn’t say anything.” Then she smiled. “Oh, she’s probably upset because she never liked my man, and we’ve recently gotten back together.”

“Which man?” I scanned the room and noticed an older man standing awkwardly in the corner.

“Antwon.” She turned around and beckoned to the same guy. He hurried to us and grinned like he was excited to be invited to an exclusive party.

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