Page 108 of This Side of Beautiful

Her head snapped back. “My web? I didn’t trap you.”

I hit my chest. “I meantIknew better. I knew how much I was attracted to you and how much I wanted you to pay attention to me. And when you did, I thought I won the lottery, and whatever doubts I had about you faded whenever you looked at me or kissed me.”

“So you think I tricked you… that my love for you isn’t real?”

“I believe you love me, and I’ll always love you.”

She unfolded my arms and slid under them. “Then let’s just work it out.”

I closed my eyes briefly. “Love isn’t always enough. I’m not the man for you. Performing is in your blood, and as much as I think it’s too much for you, I can’t expect you to give up your dream. You might not use anything again for a long time, and then something will trigger you. I can’t watch you go through that again because I’m always going to deny what you think you need. I can’t.”

Janae gripped my wrists, but my hands remained fists. “I’m not going to go through that again.”

“Until something else triggers you.”

“Do you know how it felt to see you melt down in front of me? I actually thought you might die for a second, and I’d never been more frightened in my life. You rejected me that night, embarrassed for me to see you like that, and I never once thought about leaving you. Not once. Because I took some stupid pills that your friends take too, you can’t forgive me, and we’re done?”

“Exactly why I said I’m not the man for you. You asked me to be your moral compass for a reason. You need someone like Cedrick, or any other man who can handle their emotions better than I can, or who doesn’t care if you use drugs, because to men like them, it’s not a big deal. And for me, it’s a deal-breaker.”

“I don’t want another man. I want you,” she implored me. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry.”

I pulled her into me, holding her. “Knowing you could hurt yourself makes me want to stay and fix it, but that’s not up to me. You told me you didn’t need a knight, and you really don’t.” I kissed her neck one last time. “I need to go before I miss my flight.”

She pushed back from me. “You need everything on your terms. You decided when we made love for the first time and when we became a couple. I asked you about a future, and you refused to say anything until yesterday, when you dangled it like a carrot to get me to do what you wanted.” Her voice wavered, but the fire in her eyes didn’t. “Now you’re upset because last night, you couldn’t steer things the way you wanted. And instead of talking to me, you justwalk away?”

Janae threw her arm toward the bedroom, her breath coming fast. “I almost ended thisdays agobecause I knew, sooner or later, I’d do something you couldn’t forgive. And you—” her voice cracked before she forced herself to go on, “—you made me feel like that was impossible. Like you wouldalwayslove me.”

She let out a humorless laugh, swiping at her face. “I was a fool. You never loved me. You wanted me until you didn’t.”

Every word was a stab through the heart, and if I contradicted anything she said, my actions right then would negate them. There was nothing left to say. I stood.

“Get the hell out of my house.” Janae stalked to the door and opened it. Photographers stood just beyond the gate, cameras lifted, fingers clicking away as reporters spoke urgently into their mics. The sight of them had her slamming the door shut and falling against it. “Nope. You can’t go out there.”

My stomach lurched. “How many are out there?”

She marched to me and jabbed my chest hard. “You’re going to pretend we’re good. Do you hear me? If the world knows we broke up the day after the last stop, then they’ll believe we tricked them to boost ticket sales and our song. They’ll hate me but still love you. We don’t have to talk, but you better rebook your flight, because your ass isn’t going anywhere right now. Especially when your face shows every emotion of what just happened between us.”

I turned to the window and peeked through the blinds. A swarm of paparazzi and fans crowded outside the complex’s gate, cameras ready, waiting for us to step outside. When I looked back, Janae stood with her arms crossed, her foot tapping in rapid succession. Her glare reminded me of a wife who’d had enough of her husband’s shit.

I looked up at the ceiling and then back at her. Help me. I wanted to be that husband.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I blurted, “Let’s go to Austin.”

Her foot stilled. “What?”

“Throw some pants on, take a quick shower, and let’s go. I’ll buy whatever else you need. We’ll take your car. Not up for crowds at the airport.”

She narrowed her eyes. “You’re serious? Now you want to be impulsive?”

“I don’t want to be accused of always calling the shots. So, if you don’t want to go because I suggested it, then we don’t have to.”

Her gaze turned ice cold. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you. I’m done with this relationship.”

A slow, deep gnawing spread through my chest. I shoved my hands into my pockets, resisting the urge to reach for her. “Okay. I’ll sit on the balcony, play my guitar, and catch a flight late tonight.”

Janae’s lip curled in disgust, and she turned on her heel, stomping into her bedroom and slamming the door so hard the walls shuddered.

I exhaled, peeking out the window again. The crowd outside had doubled. Cameras flashed. Reporters clutched their mics, already practicing whatever story they’d spin from the first sight of us. Could I just walk out, wave like a politician, slip into some car, and disappear?

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