Page 116 of This Side of Beautiful

“I’m not ready to deal with everything yet. And I’m also not ready for us to be in separate cities. I’ve gotten used to you up under me, making it impossible for me to breathe every night.”

She smirked. “So what do we do about that?”

I hated that I couldn’t see her eyes behind the shades. We had spent all this time together, yet she still hadn’t opened up about her mother or what really happened in Los Angeles. I refused to pressure her, but I also knew we couldn’t move forward if we didn’t confront it.

“I don’t know yet,” I admitted. “We can start by visiting each other when we go back home and take it from there.”

She hesitated. “I think you need time to deal with your parents before I visit.”

I met her gaze. “I think you need that same time to deal with your mother and your brother.”

Her mouth tightened. “My brother and I will be fine. I don’t want to deal with my mother. Maybe not ever.”

“Seems like you should,” I started, but she immediately whipped off her shades.

“That’s not your business, just like Hollow Bones isn’t mine.”

I raised my hands in surrender. “You’re right.”

It had been almost three weeks since Los Angeles, and I still hadn’t spoken to Del or anyone in the band. Our album was dropping at the end of August, and we were supposed to start promotional shows in two weeks.

“I’ve been thinking about getting another tattoo while we’re here,” she said, changing the subject.

“Why? I thought you only got them to cover scars.” I quietly assessed her. Was she struggling again and not telling me?

“That’s how it started, but it’s not the only reason. I actually like how they look on my skin.” She rose, running a hand across my chest. “You’d look so good with one. The ink would so eat on your skin. Ever thought about it?”

“Not really. I try to avoid needles at all costs.”

She giggled. “Another thing you’re scared of.”

“Plenty of people hate needles,” I muttered.

“Okay, but if you had to get one, what would it be?”

“Hmm… maybe a crescent moon. Something representing the universe.”

She grinned. “It would look so sexy on your chest.”

I shook my head. “Inside of my wrist. Somewhere I can see it easily. A tattoo on my chest would be for other people to admire.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Good point.”

“Would you get another butterfly?”

“I don’t know. I want something that represents where I am now. Something that represents us.”

I nodded. “I like that. You might be the only person who could make me ignore my fear of needles.”

She cooed. “So sweet. Love you.” She brushed her lips against mine before pulling off her cover-up and diving into the lake.

I stopped the boat, dropping the anchor, and watched her arms move powerfully through the water. She was a strong swimmer. Strong in ways I hadn’t even fully understood.

I had judged her for disappearing years ago, for running away from her responsibilities. But I was doing the same thing now. I had broken my word. Not just to The Hollow Bones and Del, but to the people expecting us to show up. I had already missed three engagements. I had turned a blind eye to my band’s drinking and drug use but had criticized Janae for the same.

A loud scream snapped me out of my thoughts.

“The fuck?” I ran to the edge, ready to dive in. “What’s wrong?”

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