Page 118 of This Side of Beautiful

I inhaled.

I took in all the things that made me who I was.

My voice. My creativity. The people who truly saw me, The Hollow Bones, my girls, the ones who stayed. My passion. My fight. My love for Landon.

Then I exhaled.

I let go of everything that had tried to break me.

My family’s dysfunction. My mother’s abuse. The darkness inside me. My self-inflicted wounds. The men who mistreated me. The drugs. The self-doubt.

I did it again. And again.

Each breath stripped away something heavy, peeling back the weight I had carried for too long. For the first time in forever, I felt free.

Better than any high I had ever chased.

“Don’t move. A butterfly landed on your hand.” Landon’s quiet, awed voice broke the silence. I slowly opened my eyes and squinted at my hand.

An orange-and-black butterfly rested on my palm. I whispered, “It’s a monarch or a painted lady.” I studied the colorful wings longer. “A monarch’s color is richer. Thinking this is a monarch.”

“I love that you know that.” He stepped beside me wearing only boxer briefs.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted one to land on me?” I said softly, not wanting to disturb the tiny miracle happening.

“I can’t believe it’s just sitting there like you’re some sort of plant.”

“She’s reminding me that it’s a time of transformation, to do what makes me happy and to follow my passions.” Joyful tears trickled down my face. Everything I’d ever been through had led to this very moment with the man standing behind me. “That I am deserving of the life and love that I crave so desperately.”

“I hope with me, because I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life.”

I nodded. “Right? This one has to go on my next album cover.” I lightly touched one of the wings, and the butterfly fluttered away.

His hands curved to my waist as we watched the magical creature return to nature. “I meant you. I have never known anything or anyone more beautiful than you.”

Chuckling through my tears, I relaxed against his warm, bare chest. “You insist on making it hard for me to hate you.”

“Until I insult you or judge you. Hating me becomes pretty easy then,” he teased, and kissed my neck.

“I could never hate you. I love you too much for that.” I squeezed his arms and took a deep, readying breath. “I also want you to understand why I fell apart the night of the show in Los Angeles. I appreciate your patience with me and not forcing or demanding for me to talk. I can’t let you walk away from me before you know everything.” I turned around in his arms and rested my head on his chest.

“I’m here.”

Holding on to him, I finally admitted, “The man that my mother brought with her to our show sexually abused me for months, and would’ve raped me when I was fourteen if my mother hadn’t come home early from work. I hadn’t seen him again until he walked into my dressing room.”

Landon’s body stiffened, and his heart beat rapidly beneath my ear. “The man who tried to shake my hand and smiled in my face did that to you?”

I nodded. Regardless of Landon’s reaction, I would tell my truth.

He dropped his arms and demanded, “Get in the car. Houston is two hours from here.”

“Woah… wait.”

“Naw. He did that to you and can’t get away with it. There was a reason I kicked him and your mother out of the party.”

I laughed and flung my head back.

“Why are you laughing?” He gripped my shoulders.

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