Page 119 of This Side of Beautiful

“I’m just so happy that you believe me without thought. No interrogation or explanation. You just believe me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Exactly.” I captured his scowling face with my hands. “Look at me. You’re not going to jail for that lowlife. I hate him with everything inside of me. He hugged me and smiled backstage like he had amnesia. My skin crawled, and if I could’ve scrubbed off the layers of skin that he touched, I would’ve. As much as I would love to see you stomp his ass, I need you here with me, not locked up or broke because he sued you.”

Landon’s eyes were wild, and he seemed unable to refocus on me as he kept shaking his head. “You haven’t seen your mother in years, and she brought him as her date? Does she know what he did to you?”

I let out a bitter laugh. “She knows something happened. She just thinks it was my fault. That I seduced a grown man.” I shook my head. “That same tired, disgusting excuse that keeps happening to girls while their mothers refuse to admit that they chose monsters.”

Landon cursed loudly and hugged me tightly. “I’m sorry that your mother would do that to you. I don’t blame you if you never speak to her again. I just know I better not see that son of a bitch again.” He turned his head and spit on the ground. “Sorry. My blood is boiling right now at how she could flaunt that piece of shit around you, and on my dime.”

I shut my eyes. His thudding heartbeat and the faint sounds of chirping birds in the nearby woods lulled me into a peaceful existence despite the painful recalling of my past.

“I always knew my mother was a piece of work, but I underestimated just how cruel she could be. I gave her credit for leaving him back then, but when she caught him trying to rush out of my room, she didn’t protect me. She attacked us both. She kept hitting me, screaming that I stole everything from her, and my brother had to pull her off me. She ended things with him but never forgave me. From that moment on, she hated me.”

I swallowed, forcing myself to keep going. “I started smoking weed and doing whatever drugs I could find just to numb the pain of living in that house. She already preferred my brother over me… I was always too hyper, too mouthy, too much. After what happened, it got worse. Every chance she had, she tore me down. Made me feel like I was nothing. And it didn’t matter that I kept my grades up. I went from an A student to barely passing because I stopped showing up to school by senior year.”

I let out a soft, bitter chuckle. “I’ve been through so much just to be standing here with you.”

Landon pressed his lips to my forehead and rubbed my back, his touch steadying me. “I’m listening.”

I inhaled deeply, grounding myself. “After graduation, I did whatever I had to do to survive. I put up with the worst men just to have a place to sleep. Worked odd jobs, stayed in cheap motels, and prayed that my talent would be enough to save me. When I got discovered at that club in Houston and my career took off at twenty-one, I hadn’t dealt with any of it. The trauma. The pain. The fear. I went from being a broke girl from the Third Ward to having everything I ever thought I wanted. But I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how to accept love or if I was even worth it. I thought men were shit, but I still didn’t know how to be alone.”

I lifted my gaze to Landon’s, his red-rimmed eyes searching mine. “That’s why a part of me struggles to believe you love me. Because you were so quick to leave.”

His grip on me tightened, his voice raw. “I get it. How could you believe I love you when I made you feel disposable?” He pulled me into his arms, holding me so tightly I almost couldn’t breathe. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so damn sorry for how I treated you.”

“That’s not all I need to say.” I pulled away from his embrace.

Landon didn’t let me go far. He took my hand and pulled me onto his lap on the patio sofa. “Talk.”

I hesitated, then met his gaze. “I don’t want you here with me if it’s because you see me as some helpless, broken woman who needs saving.”

His head snapped back. “I don’t see you as broken.”

“If we’re going to be real, I need you to be honest. You love rescuing me. It’s like my problems give you something to focus on so you don’t have to deal with your own.”

Landon exhaled sharply, running a hand through my hair. “I am being honest. I see you as this vibrant, strong woman who doesn’t always realize her own strength. Taking care of you isn’t about rescuing you. It’s who I am. I would slay dragons for you, and I’ve never been a fighter.” His voice dropped. “Cedrick accused me of wanting you to stay helpless so I wouldn’t have to face my own issues. Until that night in Los Angeles, I thought he might be right. Seeing you like that…” He shook his head. “It broke me. But I knew I had to be strong enough for the both of us.”

I resisted the urge to groan. “That’s my point, Landon. That night… that was me. The woman who begged for help because I felt like I was drowning. I’m fierce, I’m a badass, but I also have doubts. I have insecurities. I get stronger every day, but my dark side doesn’t just go away.”

I took a steadying breath and ripped the Band-Aid off. “I started taking my meds again and didn’t tell you at first, because you kept saying how much you love seeing me raw. But the raw me? She abused drugs for years because she didn’t understand she had a chemical imbalance. The raw me has been self-destructive in ways I’m still trying to come to terms with.”

Landon’s jaw tightened, but he stayed quiet as I continued.

“You know I’ve cut myself, but what you don’t know is that I actually attempted suicide when I was twenty-five. I disappeared to get treatment because I was barely hanging on.”

Silence stretched between us. Landon sank back into the sofa, his eyes shadowed, his expression unreadable. The weight of my confession settled between us, thick and heavy.

I studied the lines in his forehead, the way his fingers curled against his thighs. Was this too much for a man already carrying his own battles? My issues weren’t temporary. They weren’t something I could promise would never come back. No butterfly, no amount of love, could erase them entirely.

I shivered, though I wasn’t sure if it was the morning air or the fear that I was about to lose him.

“Say something.”

His hands warmed my arms as he slowly answered, “I heard rumors about suicide, but your team shut them down. I didn’t believe it because… you didn’t seem like the type to give up.”

“Anyone can give up. Anyone,” I said firmly. “I lost everything because of my arrogance and entitlement. No one else was to blame, not my mother, not my ex, not even the industry. I made the choice to have an affair with a powerful man married to an equally powerful woman. My album, the one that was supposed to send me into superstardom, tanked because of their power. My label dropped me. Adam left. Everything crumbled.”

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