Page 133 of This Side of Beautiful

“Thank you,” I shot back sarcastically. “I told Del to give me until September.”

“That’s two more weeks. It’s time to get back to living. Rashad asked if I seen you since you returned from Houston, and when I told him no, he begged me to see you.”

“Rashad?” I sat back down on the sofa, and she joined me. “He didn’t tell me you were talking. What happened with Cedrick?”

She propped her legs on my coffee table. “Hope you don’t mind.”

I waved my hand. “No.”

“We ended things the day after the L.A. show, before they returned to New York. He said he didn’t do long distance and was too upset about Landon leaving the group to focus on my feelings. I didn’t like how we ended, but it would’ve happened sooner or later because we wanted different things. Your brother and I have been talking, and he wants to hang out when he visits you for Labor Day.”

“I should call him right now and ask why he didn’t tell me,” I teased.

“I wasn’t ready for you to know. I didn’t want you to think I used your brother to get over Cedrick.”

“I want you to be happy, whether it’s with Ced, my brother, or some other dude.” I tapped the cushion between us. “I’m glad you’re here so I can apologize in person for what I put you and the guys through. I promise you that it won’t happen again. I’m back on meds and spending quiet time with myself. I need you in my life more than I need any drug or song.”

Frankie smiled wide. “All’s forgiven. And when you’re ready to tell me what happened with your mother, I’m here.”

“Thank you, and I will over a long brunch with limitless waffles, since I can’t drink.” I hugged her around the neck. “I already made peace with Brian and Cedrick over the phone. They accepted my apology, and we’re cool again.” I sighed. “Just need to get over Landon.”

She tsked. “Please don’t let him stop your flow when he seems to be doing fine.”

“How do you know?”

She pulled out her phone. “They were all hanging out in New York at this club two nights ago to celebrate their album, and you know he doesn’t hang out.”

On their IG page, Landon rocked a Jimi Hendrix T-shirt, cargo pants, and a porkpie hat, allowing his curls to show. He’d pushed up his sleeve, inadvertently showing off his toned bicep as he laughed, his eyes locked with Charles. Women were all around, clearly waiting to pounce. This Landon didn’t seem likemyLandon. He seemed exactly the type to take home one of the women who clamored for his attention, and my stomach flipped and burned. I’d upgraded this striking yet reserved geek into a certifiable hottie. No wonder he hadn’t called or texted me. Petty anger fueled my energy.

Giving Frankie’s phone back to her, I hopped up. “Think it’s time I move on too. Can you hook a sister up? I want to hit up a few spots and remind people who I am.”

She cocked a brow. “Only if I’m doing it for a friend.”

“Only if that friend who prefers to be at home reading comes with me,” I said, pulling her with both hands toward my bedroom.

And just like that… my life started yet again.

Chapter Forty-Two

landon

New York

September 7

My mother moved into myplace in August after selling our family home within a week of it coming on the market, though she had yet to announce their separation and pending divorce formally. She hosted an estate sale of the furniture, décor, and paintings in the home. The only things she kept were photos and memorabilia of my childhood. She wanted nothing to do with my father.

We hadn’t heard from him and had no desire to. My mother had started therapy to heal from years of emotional and physical abuse. She encouraged me to join her, but I wasn’t ready to delve into our past tumultuous relationship. I wanted to focus on going forward, and so far, she and I were forming a new bond. We were getting to know each other as individuals and fellow musicians. I’d always be grateful for Janae because she helped me grow accustomed to someone else being in my space, and after a few weeks of living together, I liked coming home to my mother, who still cooked the best Cornish hen and carrot souffle.

Shortly after Mama moved in, Del sent hours of recordings featuring The Hollow Bones and wanted me to review it so that the producers of the reality show wouldn’t air anything that I was against. We were given veto power over any footage involving only our band, since we originally weren’t supposed to be featured in the show. I was the last to look at it. They left it up to me to decide what to cut. My mother insisted that we watch it together, because she wanted to know more about my life as a musician.

As we were reviewing some of the footage that brought back fun and bittersweet memories of our time on the road, she said, “It’s obvious you love each other. Is it because of me and your father that you don’t believe you can be together?”

I paused the video and shifted on the oversized, comfy sofa Janae had ordered before leaving. It’d been delivered shortly after I was discharged from the hospital. I’d been sleeping on that sofa instead of my bed ever since.

“Janae used to have a substance abuse problem and has bipolar, as you’ve heard. I love her like you used to love my father. I love all of her, and I was afraid I would enable her the way you did him. Give in when I knew I shouldn’t or because I wanted to please her. Then I feared my need to protect her would ultimately clip her wings. I didn’t want to do that to her.”

Mama tucked one leg under the other and poked my forehead. “I made a lot of mistakes as a mother and a wife, and they affected you. But me and your father? We are not you and Janae.”

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