Page 136 of This Side of Beautiful

“You used to love all of me… No, wait, you only loved the parts of me that you could control.”

I laughed. “You and I both know I couldn’t control a thing about you.”

“Which is why you broke up with me?”

“What? Is that the false narrative in your head?”

“Landon, I swear if you sit up here and say that you didn’t break up with me, I ain’t saying shit to you in Austin.”

“I didn’t. I told you that we could get married and have a family if you wanted to have a low-key life, but you don’t want that type of future, and I respected that.”

“And I’m respecting you enough to tell you I’m getting off the phone instead of just hanging up. Bye, Landon.”

“Wait—”

“No.” The call disconnected.

I threw my cell, and it crashed against the wall. Even in my frustration and anger, I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.

In four days, I would breathe her again.

Chapter Forty-Three

janae

Austin

October 4

I’d never beenso relievedto end a show. As the final note faded, I bowed and then swept my hands toward The Hollow Bones, introducing the members one by one and saving Landon for last to thunderous applause. He’d clearly been elevated to leader status whether he claimed it or not. He blushed, waved, and guided me off the stage with his hand possessively on my lower back. I had to pretend with the broadest smile that his hand didn’t burn where his palm lingered. Being this close to him had me damn near swooning. He’d already had a quiet confidence about his talent, but during sound check and on the stage, he’d come more and more out of his shell. Meanwhile, I’d sounded off key and played it off by saying that I was a little rusty at singing live. But it was the meds, and I hated it.

Being in front of a live audience always infused me with vibrant reds and pinks, and now the colors were subdued pastel blues and greens. Trying to stay hydrated and avoid cotton mouth kept me running to the bathroom every hour, disrupting my rehearsals and focus in the studio. I woke up at the crack of dawn to jot down lyrics as my body geared up for more prescription drugs and less creativity. I was finally working on my fourth album, and I wanted it to be my best. But how could it be my best when I wasn’t the best representation of myself, the woman who’d attracted a butterfly one summer morning?

This was my first time performing at an outdoor show with such a large crowd, and in my opinion, I’d sucked. Austin City Limits was a three-day festival that invited more than one hundred acts playing various genres of music, and we’d been honored with high billing. We took photos and signed autographs behind the stage and then were ushered toward the SUV that would take us to 6th Street, a popular touristy area in Austin reminiscent of Bourbon Street without the strip clubs where we would make an appearance at a bar. I clowned and joked with the guys while Landon watched as he’d always done in the past. And, like in the past, knowing he watched me thrilled me.

After being at the bar for an hour, I leaned closer to Cedrick, who stood behind me. I couldn’t take much more of hanging around Landon and not being able to touch him. “I’ll get the car to bring me home. I’m tired.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You okay?”

“Yeah… you know.” I glanced in Landon’s direction where he played guitar on stage while Charles and Brian hyped him up.

Cedrick’s jaw clenched. “I do.”

I hugged him. “Y’all smashed, as always. Until next time. Tell the guys I’m sorry I had to run.”

His eyes were sad. “Yeah. Take care, Janae.” He signaled to security to walk me through the crowds. Once I reached the car through screaming fans, grateful for the tinted windows, I bunched my legs up to my knees and buried my face there.

A few minutes passed, and we hadn’t moved. I peeked around me. “Any reason we haven’t gone anywhere?”

The driver said, “I was instructed not to leave yet.”

“I’m tired. I don’t live far from here. You can be back within thirty minutes, forty tops.”

“I’ve been given orders.”

“From who? I’m the boss, too.”

The driver shook his head without turning around.

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