Page 138 of This Side of Beautiful

“You will.” He slid the car into a grassy area and opened the roof. “Put your seat back.”

We both leaned as far back as the seats could go and stared at the twinkling sky. The smile on his face as he gazed upward brought tears to my eyes. This was what I loved about Landon. All of his layers. All of his sides. All of him.

In the quiet, I started to speak. “I talked with my mother and told her pretty much everything I ever wanted to say. It wasn’t pretty, but I said it. She didn’t really respond because I doubt she could refute anything. Hard to accept that the person who brought you into the world doesn’t love you. Or maybe she does and just doesn’t like me. We haven’t spoken since I confronted her. At least my brother and I are cool again, and it’s been fun getting to know him as an adult and be an aunt to his children.” I tapped Landon’s thigh. “He’s with Frankie now.”

He turned his head and looked at me. “Told Cedrick he lost a good one. Just like I did.”

“Damn it. Stop kissing my ass.” I tapped his nose.

Landon’s eyes suddenly watered, though he chuckled. “Guess what?”

I didn’t answer, sensing that whatever he’d say next would be monumental.

“Umm… besides my parents…” He took a breath. “Besides my parents, no one knows I was locked up in a psych ward. They used their influence and money to keep my hospitalization a secret.”

I gasped and covered my mouth. “Oh, Landon.”

“My talk with my parents wasn’t a talk at all. I walked inside my house fresh off the plane from Austin, full of heartbreak, and my father was hitting my mother. I smashed my guitar over his back and beat him until my mother intervened. I didn’t know if she was protecting me or him. I lost it out. I started believing I had no one. No you, no Cedrick, no Hollow Bones, and no mother. From what I can remember and what I was told, I wanted to die. Not that I planned to kill myself. It just hurt that bad. Supposedly, I lost touch with reality, and I had to be sedated to get in the ambulance. I woke up with restraints because I was on suicide watch.” He averted his gaze. “I was diagnosed with autism and anxiety and had a brief psychotic episode.”

“Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve been there for you.” I picked up his hand, which rested on the console. “Life jacket, remember?”

“I wanted to. God knows how I fought not to call you. I was embarrassed about what happened between my parents and that I couldn’t handle it. Then I got locked up like I was an animal.” His jaw tightened.

“Now what?”

“I vowed that I wouldn’t let myself be defined by another episode or label. I’ve never been certain if I fit on the autism spectrum, but I do know I’m neurodivergent. I process the world differently, and I’m learning to embrace that just like you’re finding your way with bipolar. My mother sold our family home and lives with me now. We’ve been enjoying each other, and we talk about music for hours. I haven’t seen my father since the hospital, and I’ve made peace with that, too.”

I kissed the back of his hand to comfort him and just as quickly wiped it. “Sorry, force of habit.”

Landon’s hand swept up my nape, and his gaze caressed my face. “I want to kiss you, and I don’t think I can stop if I do.”

My breath caught in my chest. “You don’t have to stop.”

The right corner of his lips lifted. “I think I do. I don’t cheat.”

Confused, I asked breathlessly, “Cheat? You have someone?”

He raised one brow. “No. You do.”

“No, I…” I groaned when his smile grew. “I hate you.”

“I hate you too,” he whispered, and returned his focus to the sky.

We held hands while we were quiet together and stayed like that all night. As the sun began to rise over the horizon, Landon pulled into my driveway. He jumped out of the car and helped me out, then walked me to my front door. We held each other for a long time, reluctant to part, though all we’d done for the past six hours was talk more and hold hands.

I rested my chin against his chest and gazed at his handsome face. “I enjoyed tonight.”

He smiled. “Me too.”

I wanted him to ask me out again, make plans, or something. Instead, he gave me the sweetest forehead kiss and backed away.

I clasped my hands together over my heart. “When will I see you again?”

Landon promised. “I’ll find you.”

He said it with such certainty that I had no choice but to believe.

Los Angeles

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