Page 140 of This Side of Beautiful

“Oh, I watch them all. I even watch the one where the people are working on a yacht. My guilty pleasure.” Dr. K chuckled.

“And I hear you about Landon. Maybe I will, or maybe I won’t reach out. My priority now is getting the right treatment.”

She smiled. “Understood, and I’ll leave the subject of you and Landon alone for the time being.”

“Thank you. I can obsess about him during our next session.”

Dr. K said warmly, “Welcome back, Janae.”

New York

November 8

Stretching my arms and legs, I bounced around the dressing room at Madison Square Garden, preparing to open a special Grammy night celebrating rhythm and blues. I already had my dress and makeup complete. Frankie and Jeri had already been escorted to their seats so they could see the show as guests of mine.

I moved about the small room, trying to keep my nerves in check. I’d been prescribed anxiety meds to use on an as-needed basis, and I’d been switched to a natural supplement by a pharmacist and herbalist to stabilize my moods. I was followed closely by my mental health team to make sure my current treatment fit me. My vocals were strong again. My energy was back. I was ready to storm the stage.

Tonight, I wore a purple jacket that cinched at my waist and heels. One button held it together, and if Landon were there, he would say that I’d better make sure it didn’t pop so no one else would see what was his. Or he would pop it open and press his head against my breasts because I was his comfort. His life jacket.

“God, I miss that man.” I traced the intricate tattoo of the moon right above my heart, visible through the top of my jacket. I’d gotten the ink after he sent me the recording of his song to honor him, to honor our love whether we found each other again or not.

My less-than-stellar performance and our brief time in Austin had forced me to rethink the long road ahead, especially if I couldn’t find the right mix of treatment so I could do what I loved. Landon and I could have this easy life even with our complicated, beautiful minds.

I planned to call him and catch up, since I would be in New York for a few days. I could check on him and his mother. I would call him after the show, and maybe we could catch a late-night train so fans wouldn’t harass us. Maybe we could talk again about being together. Or maybe we’d just be quiet.

I stared at my reflection. My eyes were bright, luminous, and full of life. A bouquet mixed in with other flowers from fans and other well-wishers caught my eye because of the card with handwriting I recognized. I picked it up.

I couldn’t be prouder of you. Much success in your future.

Adam.

Now I believed he’d forgiven me for everything. Adam had finally sent the acknowledgment I’d wanted all along, but it only reminded me it was validation I no longer needed.

A knock on my door startled me.

“It’s time,” the voice on the other side called.

Butterflies swarmed in my stomach as I walked out and followed the stage manager to my mark. One of her assistants passed me a mic. I wouldn’t be introduced. I would just stroll on stage and start performing a melody of hits, then transition into “Fallen Star.”

My nervousness disappeared. I was doing exactly what I was meant to do. I hit the stage with bravado, displaying my lyrical skills first. Madison Square Garden rocked with me and rapped along to “Premier,” and then I slowed it down with “A Lonely Woman.” The crowd grew even louder.

As I hit the last note, the lights went out on me, and the spotlight shone on a lone guitarist near the back of the arena. His hat was pulled down low and he focused on his instrument. The crowd roared while my heart threatened to explode. Once he hit the first note and met my gaze, I finally released the breath I’d unknowingly held. I couldn’t tear my eyes from him as he slowly made his way to me.

Every note haunted the Garden as he walked through the aisle with his trademark hat, his eyes trained on me. Everyone was on their feet, enthralled by the song I’d first heard when he played it for me on the boat.

Tears flowed down my face as I saw the certainty in his eyes and in his body language. He walked tall and certain. Fearless. To everyone else, he was a musician passing through the audience like so many before him. I knew differently. This was the ultimate sacrifice for him. This was Landon showing me he didn’t want to live in fear. This was him being the full moon. This was him showing the world his instrument was just as expressive as any voice. This was him showing me he wanted to be with me. This was him showing me that he would not be afraid to soar as high with me as that elusive butterfly.

By the time he’d walked up the stairs to join me on stage, most of the audience had wet cheeks that matched mine. When he removed a tropical hibiscus from his jacket pocket, tucked it in my hair, and kissed my lips softly, I wanted to swoon. He whispered in my ear, “My forever life jacket.”

“Always,” I breathed.

He grinned wide and spoke into my mic. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m Landon Hayes, and this is the phenomenally talented Janae Warner.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding on as if I could stop time, as if I could keep the tears at bay. His touch was light but reverent as he traced his finger over my new tattoo just above my chest, right beside my coin.

Wonder flickered across his face, his hazel eyes glowing under the stage lights. Then, with a knowing smirk, he stepped back, lifted his guitar, and struck the first electrifying chords of Prince’s“Baby I’m a Star.”

I laughed as the beat kicked in, feeling the energy surge through me. The audience clapped along, their voices rising in unison as I joined in, singing. Landon grinned, feeding off the crowd’s excitement, before he signaled to me to segue into our song, “Fallen Star.”

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