Page 21 of This Side of Beautiful

“I guess.” His eyes appeared green in this sunlight.

I raised my head. “You guess? You’re supposed to tell me that the right thing to do is go visit your family when you’re in the city.”

“Told you I wouldn’t be a good moral compass. Families are strange creatures. They created us, yet the moment we can, we flee. Some of us never return.” He propped his head on his arm. “If you don’t want to go, then don’t.”

“How can I heal if I don’t deal with them?”

“Or maybe it’s harder to heal when youhaveto deal with them,” he argued. “I live forty minutes from my folks and usually see them only during the holidays because my mother insists. I love them, but they stress me.”

“What? I pictured you as that pampered only child with loving parents.” I stared into his eyes, unable to look away from the curious intensity there.

“Looks are deceiving. They never pampered me or ever really saw me,” he replied matter-of-factly. “It doesn’t bother me anymore… most days. But we’re talking about your parents, not mine. You think you’re going to visit?”

“I’m not ready to see them.”

“Then you have your answer.”

The ease with which we conversed pleased me. For a man of few words, he was rather talkative. “I love talking to you. Can we stay in bed all day and be lazy on a Sunday?”

He shook his head. “Yes.”

I giggled at his silliness. “I didn’t expect this.”

“What?” He frowned slightly, and I resisted smoothing out his forehead. Touching him right now would be detrimental to my aching sex.

“Your playful side. You’re always so serious.”

“Because I am,” Landon said. “Always have been.”

I tsked. “Last night and this morning, you’re not.”

He shrugged. “I only amuse you because you’re focused on me. When you get your confidence back, you won’t think of me as that funny dude. We won’t be friends, and I’ll go back to the nerd you can’t believe you ever thought was hot.”

“Why do you think we won’t be friends?” I tugged on his in-need-of-a-trim goatee.

“Because you’re scared, Janae, and I’m your life jacket. You won’t need me once you’re ready to swim on your own again.” His tone suggested finality, and I couldn’t decide if he believed it because that was how he saw me or himself, or if that was how he wanted it to be.

“When was your last relationship? I don’t think I’ve ever noticed you with a woman.”

“Isn’t that a question you ask if you’re considering me as your potential man? I thought we established that’s not us.” He closed his eyes, and his fingers played a rhythm on the sheets between us.

“It’s a simple question from one potential friend to another,” I insisted.

“I’d rather not answer.”

“Is there a woman waiting for you in New York? I need to know if there is,” I said, my temper rising. I didn’t have the right to be jealous or angry, but tell that to my irrational heart. Landon was starting to feel like mine, and I didn’t want to share.

“I’m not getting married or having children,” he answered defensively. His eyes remained closed, and his fingers continued to move. “If that’s what you really want to know, it won’t happen.”

“Chill, Landon. I didn’t ask about your future plans with a woman. I’m asking about your past and your present.” When he remained silent, I probed gently. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Can you at least tell me why you don’t want to marry or have children?”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to… said Iwasn’t. I don’t want to discuss it with a woman who may not be here tomorrow.” He opened his eyes, and his hand stopped moving. “Can you not talk to me like I’m in therapy?”

“Habit that I’ll try to break.” I studied our hands, which were almost touching. “I’ll be here tomorrow. That’s why I’m here with you today. I want to be a better woman and practice the results of processing every aspect of my life.” I raised my hand. “I know… I know… I sound like my therapist. And I still fear that after all is said and done, I’m just as screwed up as I was three years ago.”

His pinky hesitantly rubbed my hand. “We’re all screwed up in some ways. At least you’re trying to address it, even if it has taken years.”

We locked eyes again, and his gaze drifted to my lips. He moved closer before abruptly turning on his back and covering his eyes with the back of his arm. “You need to leave.”

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