Page 46 of This Side of Beautiful

I chuckled. “We simply exist and observe using our senses.” I kissed her neck gently at the frown on her face, inhaling her floral scent. “You smell good even after being out most of the night.”

“Landon, are you trying to seduce me to get me to do what you want?”

I plastered on a frown. “Is that what I’m doing?”

As the streetcar approached, she studied my face and finally broke into a smile. “You know exactly what you’re doing, and it’s working.”

She held on to the back of my shirt as I led the way onto the almost-empty streetcar. Two other passengers stared out their respective windows. I adjusted the moving seat so we faced each other, and each had a window seat. I reached down, took her heels off, and placed her feet on my thighs to rub them.

“I thought you had a thing about feet?”

“Sensitive aboutmyfeet. Don’t mind touching yours. You’ve been on them all day. Look out the window or close your eyes and pay attention to your senses.”

She shook her head slowly. “Kinda hard to look anywhere but at you.”

“I’m trying to slow us down,” I said. She’d made it so impossibly hard to ignore my body, which still warred with my mind.

“Massaging my feet isn’t the way to slow us down. Taking care of me is so sexy and such a turn-on.” Her breasts rose and fell as she stared at me.

“Should I stop touching your feet? Because how you’re looking at me is so distracting.”

She giggled and looked out the window before refocusing on me. “It’s crazy how much I like you.”

“I want to keep it that way.”

“You really believe that I can’t possibly be into you? One thing I know is men… and you are a good one, through and through. I want something real.”

“And you need to be quiet. This is a silent ride, remember?” I squeezed her foot. I had no desire to be reminded about her history with other guys.

“But…”

I shook my head and pointed to the window. “Notice the sights. Listen to how the streetcar’s noise ebbs and flows depending on the starts and stops.”

As the streetcar traveled down historic St. Charles Avenue, she folded her arms and stared out the window. Soon, I watched the smile glide across her face before she drifted into the much-needed sleep she’d seemed hellbent on avoiding.

Then I finally became silent and observed the affluent homes and neighborhoods en route to the relatively busy downtown area. I soaked in the history, culture, and early dawn noises, building my armor against a woman whose brown eyes left me defenseless. She was already causing a shift in the band because she was causing a shift in me. I’d meant what I told Cedrick, because I also knew he’d meant every word he said to Janae.

I looked at the sleeping beauty. Was she worth risking The Hollow Bones, my brothers, my best friend?

Resting my head against the window’s edge, I watched as the sky slowly changed from midnight navy to a pale blue, waiting for answers I knew wouldn’t come.

Chapter Fifteen

janae

April 17

My phone’sshrill ringing joltedme awake. I shot up, then flopped back onto the mattress, groaning. Sunlight stabbed through the window, burning my tired eyes. The heaviness pressed down, familiar, inevitable. The encroaching darkness of my thoughts and mood would soon follow. I cursed and let the phone ring. This was why I hadn’t wanted to sleep. Landon couldn’t see me like this. He couldn’t know this side of me.Shit. Shit.

Tears sprang to my eyes, and I curled up into a tight ball. “No… no… no… not now.”

I’d been doing so good since I’d stopped taking my meds, managing my nervousness, my incessant need to do something. I’d found cooking helped ease my mind. But this… this was horrible. No, I was a horrible person. Landon must have seen through me already. He wouldn’t even kiss me, no matter how much I told him I wanted him. Landon knew. He knew and was too nice to tell me he didn’t like me. And who’d want a messed-up woman who couldn’t control her tears or her smile? I couldn’t go out there like that.

I covered my face and started rocking.No one loves you. No oneeven calls you unless it’s about work. You thinka man like him would ever give you the timeof the day?

I looked around the room. Tears fell fast and hard down my cheeks. But I needed something. I needed to clear my mind.

I grabbed my phone and called Dr. K, and still jumped at the sound of her voice greeting me.

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