Page 53 of This Side of Beautiful

“I was just about to call you and the guys to congratulate you on your first show and tell you we have a lot to discuss now that your tour is trending. I’m on the way to Atlanta now, and we can all meet over dinner tonight. Proud of you.”

“Then you’re about to be prouder, because I want to use the reality show to talk about my struggles. Not just about how hard it is to be an entertainer but how much more challenging it is because I have bipolar.” My shoulders sagged in exhaustion. I was tired of fighting in silence.

“Are you sure?” Del asked. “It might be harder than you think to be honest with the world.”

“Everything in my life has been hard and I’m still standing, if barely.” I chuckled. “Why should this be any different?”

“In that case, you should reconsider speaking at the fundraiser tonight in Atlanta. They would love for you to say a few words. It won’t take long. Dip in and out. Raise some money for a good cause. You can say you’re a supporter of mental health rights if you’re not ready to share your diagnosis.”

I sank back on the bed and stared at the recessed ceiling.

“Janae? You still there?”

“Set it up.” I hung up.

The knock on the door startled me. I shot up, tightening the towel around me. Was I ready to see Landon and explain myself?

“The bus will be here in less than thirty, ahead of schedule. You ready?” Brian announced through the door.

“Yeah…” I cleared my throat of the lump of disappointment that swelled. “Yes. Thanks, Bri.”

“No problem.”

I closed my eyes and flopped back on the mattress, trying to console myself that I’d done the right thing by ending us now before deep feelings were involved.

Then why did my heart ache so badly?

Chapter Eighteen

landon

Atlanta

On thelong ride toAtlanta, Janae kept her distance on the tour bus, sitting with the ladies or clowning with Brian and Charles in the dining area. The familiar gnawing in my gut was replaced by lead pressing down on my chest, and my head pounded. The only remedy was Janae. She’d given up on me before we’d even started, as I’d predicted. I wished I could feel justified in believing she would lose interest, but all I felt was lost without her. She’d taken her sun from my moon. I’d grown used to her flattering attention like I was her world.

I sat alone on the sofa near the front of the bus and covered my face with my hat.

“Hey… I know you’re not sleeping,” Cedrick said.

“What do you want?” I kept the hat over my face.

“Del wants us to make an appearance at this bar and club in ATL tonight.”

“And do what? Our show isn’t until tomorrow. I’m not performing back to back.” I folded my arms over my stomach, hoping to keep the gnawing at bay. I didn’t like sudden changes or surprises in the schedule, and Cedrick and Del knew that.

“We are trending, bro. Our show has sold out and our fans want to see us. It’s not a performance. Show our faces, and if the band on stage performing wants us to join them, we can. Like Janae did at Café Negril. Someone recorded what happened there, and it has gone viral, like pretty much everything we post with her in it. Like it or not, she’s gold.”

I lifted my hat and glanced at him. “Now she’s cool because she’s bringing attention to the band?”

“I didn’t say all that, but I’m man enough at least to admit that we made the right decision working with her. Last night was crazy. They were still chanting our name long after we left the stage.” He slapped my thigh. “Come on, bro. You can do it. We walk in, show our faces, and take a few pics. Bring your guitar if it helps.”

“If I do that, then you know they’ll expect me to play, and are they paying us for that?”

Cedrick grinned. “That’s the point. They’re paying us mad money whether we perform or not. I was just trying to make it easier for you by telling you to bring the guitar. Bring it or don’t bring it. You can leave after they take pics.”

“Janae, too?” I asked, hoping my tone seemed neutral.

“Naw. Del has her going to her own thing. She’s headed to some dinner or banquet. She’s a surprise guest at a charity event. Del had been asking her to go, and this morning, she suddenly decided she wanted to show up.”

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