Page 55 of This Side of Beautiful

“Same.” I released her hand when the elevator dinged. “If you need me, I’m here.”

“I think I’m good.” She stepped off the elevator and entered the lobby. As she sauntered through the plush area, guests stopped in their tracks to gawk at the star who’d just graced their presence. Some took pics as she walked away from me for the second time today.

Melancholy assailed me. Cedrick had been wrong. Sometimes, it was too late to apologize.

Chapter Nineteen

janae

On the short ride toLoews Hotel, I kept my hands in my lap and didn’t speak while Frankie and Jeri made small talk. I looked at them and envied their normality. Two self-assured, gorgeous women around my age with full lives outside of their careers. Frankie had a close relationship with her two brothers and parents and had a friend circle. She talked to them throughout the day. Jeri, an only child, was in a sorority and was close to her mother, with whom she spoke to at least once a day. I was sure they believed that with my fame and fortune, I was lucky and blessed, when they were the blessed ones. They had friends and family who treasured them and didn’t have to fight demons every day.

“You’ve been quiet for most of the drive,” Frankie observed. “Nervous about the event?”

Jeri added, “Don’t worry. We got your back, girl.”

My eyes watered, and Jeri grabbed my hand. I squeezed her palm. “Sorry, I’ve been a mess all day. Got into it with Landon, and now we’re done before we ever started. My fault more than his. And I guess I’m scared because I’m about to get in front of these people and announce for the first time that I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar.” I chuckled. “I guess you’re the first to know outside my doctors, my ex, and Del. I decided to use my platform to advocate for bipolar. It has been so hard to deal with this by myself. I might help someone else who suffers like I do. Maybe they won’t feel alone.” I wanted to addlike I do, but I didn’t want them to feel sorrier for me than they probably already did. “I don’t know what people will say or if they’ll think it’s some PR stunt. I just know I want to take charge of my life for maybe the first time ever and do something constructive instead of beating myself up about having this.”

Frankie picked up my other hand. “I already thought you were a badass. Now I know for sure. Do you know how brave you are? You’re being honest about something that people keep a secret. And don’t worry about Landon. It’ll blow over. He’s been mopier than he usually is. I’m sure he already misses you, and you’ll make up. Even if you don’t, do you know who you are? You are Janae ‘MILA’ Warner, baby. Breaking records and hearts as soon as you step on the scene.”

I giggled through my tears and admitted, “Is it weird if I say I don’t know who I am most days, even with my success?”

Frankie leaned on my shoulder. “Nope, not weird at all.”

Jeri hugged me from the other side. “I thought I was the only one who felt that way. I have to take something for my depression.”

I studied her pretty face as she nodded. “How long?”

“Since I was a teenager. It was bad back then. Much better now. I’m on a low dose.”

I put the back of my hand against my mouth. “I was about to say something stupid and say you don’t seem like you’re depressed.”

“You don’t look like you have bipolar. Although I can tell you have a sharp tongue when you need it,” Jeri said before her gaze plummeted to her nails.

“Difficult was my first name for a long time. I thought I had to be that way to be heard and respected.” I firmly shook my head. “Not anymore. I apologize in advance for my mouth. My nerves get real bad sometimes, and the world seems to move slow while I’m already at the finish line. I’ll do better, and if my tongue is sharp, I’m giving you permission to check me. We have so much fun ahead of us, and I don’t want to ruin it with my ways.”

Frankie admonished me, “Then don’t put yourself down. At least not in front of me. We all got issues. At least you’re addressing it when most of the world doesn’t.”

I lifted my head higher. “Thank you for that.”

The car slowed, and my stomach roiled again.

Frankie squeezed my hand tightly. “Just be Janae.”

“Yeah. Just be me.” My breath rattled as I pushed air out of my lungs.

Fans and people crowded around the car as I got out and waved. A tall, redheaded woman with a high ponytail approached me through the growing crowd. She gushed as she gestured for us to follow her. “I’m Elaine Medow, program coordinator for Allies and Support for Mental Illness. I can’t believe we were able to get you to speak. When your manager called and told us that you’d been a supporter of our organization for the last two years and wanted to say a few words, we couldn’t have been more honored. I’ve been a fan for years.”

“Thank you. Glad to be here.” I gestured to Frankie and Jeri. “These are my friends who are here for support.”

“Aren’t you lucky you get to be friends with Ms. Warner?” Elaine smiled at both of them as we walked briskly inside the hotel. “I’ve been a fan for years.”

“I’m the lucky one.” I winked at Jeri.

People called my name as we rushed through the lobby. Two hotel security guards walked alongside us to keep people from getting too close. My fame was rising again. I prayed my decision to be open about my mental health wouldn’t block that rise.

“Your production crew’s already here and set up in the hall. They have consent forms for the recording and will do their best to keep the camera focused on you and edit if anyone doesn’t want to be seen.” She smiled. “You only need to speak for about five minutes. We know you’re in the middle of a tour, and we appreciate your taking the time.”

“So, when do I go on?”

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