Page 82 of This Side of Beautiful

“You said you didn’t want to use our relationship to sell records.”

Landon slanted his gaze at me. “I don’t. No one else cares about that except us. You heard what Frankie said. Del and the guys see us as good business, too, and I cannot deny that people like us together. Iloveus together and hope we’re always together. Remember, I didn’t want to do the shoot. I only went along with it because I wanted to please you. Don’t bust my balls because the picture chosen doesn’t have your face.”

Turning over on my stomach, I tried to explain in another way. “I feel like the Black artist who’s erased from the album because the label chose white faces.”

“I don’t know why you feel like that when the world recognizes you more than us. You were the one swarmed at Junior’s. When we go places, people ask for you and not us. If you have an issue, take it up with Del. I didn’t want to show the pics to the guys anyway. I suggested the galaxy or a one representing a star without any faces. I didn’t think we should have our faces on the cover. He sent the images to the guys against my wishes because he said I couldn’t decide for the band.”

“You weren’t trying to protect me. You were trying to protect The Hollow Bones.” Old, familiar hurts burned through me. “Not even my manager looked out for me.”

“My job is to protect you as my woman. Regarding the business, I can’t be on your sideandThe Hollow Bones’. It’s unfair of you to ask that of me or make me feel guilty.” He continued to study the sky. “Are you done talking?”

I wanted to scream that I wasn’t. All that would do was aggravate him when he’d clearly made up his mind. I was in this alone, as I’d always been. I moved away from him and turned over to face the wall.

Landon sighed loudly and turned on his side away from me.

I cried without making a noise, which I’d learned to do when I was a girl.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

landon

Myeyes were closed. Mybreathing was slow and rhythmic.

My mind… My mind was another matter. I’d disappointed Janae, and I didn’t know quite how I had. It had appeared she was having the time of her life. I thought everything with Janae was good. She’d had a moment, and it passed. She’d even seemed cool with the photo in the car last night. I’d thought she would’ve loved either photo as a cover because she’d taken them. I didn’t think to defend her because I’d never had to consider someone else’s feelings outside of mine and the band’s. I also didn’t want to approach the band on her behalf again. I needed to keep the two separate.

Her stillness as time passed concerned me. Janae moved almost constantly, even when we were in bed together. We both needed to rest. I got up, walked to my closet, and chose two of my hoodies. I pulled leggings from the suitcase she had yet to unpack, though I’d told her she could consider my closet as hers, and pulled on basketball shorts.

I walked back out and kneeled beside her. Tears streaked her beautiful cheeks, and my heart clenched. She opened her eyes, and I said, “Come be quiet with me.”

She nodded. I stood and passed her the clothes. When she’d dressed, I held my arm out for her to hold, and we left my home. She leaned on me, and we walked in the early morning darkness. The sun had yet to rise. Harlem was strangely silent, and we were like the only inhabitants of the city. We walked down the concrete steps and hopped on a train. I wrapped my arm around her, and she rested her head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head, and soon, she drifted to sleep.

I’d made her cry, and that pained me. I didn’t think I was capable of handling such an emotion from a woman. I understood anger, irritation, indifference, and annoyance. Sadness was different. She’d been smiling this entire time, even when she wasn’t happy. She’d never expressed sadness until last night. We both should’ve been ecstatic, because our song had done something songs just didn’tdo. Instead, we were on the train, exhausted and sad.

The sun warmed my skin, and other people got on the train on their morning commutes before I gently shook her shoulders. She squinted in the sun, looked up at me, and gave me the most glorious smile. “Landon, you’re not wearing your hat.”

Self-consciously, I rubbed the neat cornrows she’d made of my hair. “I forgot.”

“You never forget.”

“Lately, I have. Guess my concern for you outweighed my need to wear it.” I focused on her beautiful face. The freckles across her nose and cheeks were more prominent in the sun.

She giggled. “I bet you’re fighting hard not to pull your hoodie over your head now.”

I admired her. “Naw… looking at you is enough.”

Her eyes watered. “Did you sleep?”

I shook my head. “Someone had to make sure Candyman didn’t come get us.”

She laughed. “Candyman is in Chicago.”

I pulled out my phone, pressed my head to hers, and took a selfie. “This is us after the biggest day of our careers. Exhausted, happy, and in love.”

Janae glanced at me and then at the photo. “Wearein love, aren’t we?”

“I hope so, because I don’t want to be out here alone anymore.”

She blinked back tears. “How do you know to say exactly what I need you to say?”

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