Page 95 of This Side of Beautiful

The curt reminder of how I once rolled felt like a dagger, and I shoved his chest. “Then act like it.”

Landon turned onto his side and yanked the pillow over his head. Frustrated that he was shutting me out, I swatted at his back.

His voice came low and firm. “Janae, don’t. I would never put my hands on you. Give me the same respect.”

I folded my arms, glaring at the back of his head. “Then don’t ignore me.”

He exhaled slowly, tension rolling through his body. “You have a bad concept of time. The show in Houston was in March. It’s only June, and you’re mad because I’m not talking about marriage when all I do is show you that I want to be with only you. All this promotion is hard on me, and I do it because I love you.”

I snorted. “Whatever. You do it for The Hollow Bones.”

“They don’t want me to do anything I don’t want to do. Miss me on that.”

He was right about everything. He made me feel loved and wanted. He pushed himself beyond his comfort zone to please me. If only I could get my mind to also register that he was right and not let my insecurities and negativity run amok. “Can we do Austin or not?”

Landon softened his tone. “I need to check on my mother. Come back with me, and I’ll show you more of the city.”

His answer didn’t satisfy me. Something in me wouldn’t let it rest. “Stop making excuses. You text her every day. She’s fine. Admit you don’t feel comfortable in any space that’s not yours.”

Landon pulled the pillow tighter over his head. “I can’t talk to you right now. You’re hellbent on fighting with me. It’s not happening, so we might as well go to sleep.”

I screamed loudly in frustration and jumped out of bed, nude. He sat up, frowning in disgust, an expression men gave me when they were tired of dealing with my moodiness and irrationality. Hurt fueled my anger. I had to end it before he did. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?”

“This relationship. It’s not going to last anyway.” Acid burned inside of me. I started rubbing my wrists and arms. “We don’t have to see each other after Saturday night. We haven’t been together long. We’ll get over it.”

“I won’t get over it.” His voice was steady. Certain. “I don’t care how much time passes or how many years go by, I won’t get over you.”

Tears blurred my vision. “You don’t know that.”

Landon scooted to the edge of the bed, tugging me toward him. “I know I was low-key obsessed with any photo or video I could get of you when we contemplated whether to work with you or not. I know that since the night of the gala, I haven’t stopped staring at you, thinking I’m one lucky man. I know being with you gives me hope that one day I will be married and have children. I’m thirty-one years old, and trust me when I say no one on this fucking Earth will ever make me feel like you do. I do know that.”

Refusing to yield to his comfort, to his strength, to his warmth, I kept my body stiff. I couldn’t give in to the fantasy of him. He was too logical, too careful, and I was a loose cannon. He couldn’t handle me. No one could.

Tears fell. I hated that I desperately wanted to believe a lasting love with this man was possible.

“Is this your way of ending us because the tour is over, and you don’t need me anymore? If it is, you don’t need to pick a fight with me. Just tell me it’s over, and it’s over.” Landon brushed back my hair.

“Just like that, we’re over?” I asked, pushing away from him. “No fighting or yelling? You’d just let me go like I mean nothing to you.”

He gripped my waist. “I don’t know if I’m missing something or if it’s you who doesn’t know what she wants. But I don’t know what’s happening. You say you can’t be with me, and then you’re mad when I tell you we don’t have to fight for us to end. What do you want from me?”

I struggled against him. “Let me go.”

“Janae. Stop running. What do you want from me?” he repeated slowly. His lips brushed over my knuckles.

I exhaled sharply, my resolve breaking, and pressed my lips against his.

“To never leave me,” I softly admitted.

“Then I’m yours.” Landon captured my lips in the sweetest kiss. I hugged his neck as his mouth drifted from my lips to my neck, sucking and licking. I arched my back, wanting to feel his tongue on my nipples. When he nibbled and tugged on my stiffened buds, my body spiraled into a rapturous descent. I crooned and pleaded for him to make love to me. Instead, he lifted my thigh and lowered his head to kiss and suck on my essence. Wanting… no,needingto feel him raw, I pressed him on his back and hovered over his erection, desperate for him to take away the doubt and the pain.

When I dropped down on his throbbing shaft uncovered, we moaned at the rawness of our bodies’ joining. His eyes closed in pure pleasure. This time, he allowed me control as I rode us into a blissful oblivion.

Confessional

janae

---