Page 96 of This Side of Beautiful

June 12

“I can’t believe I’m backin Los Angeles,about to perform at the Forum. Our biggest venue todate. And we are sold out. Completely sold out.”Ishook my head, letting the weight of the moment settlein.“That is wild, right?”

“I know some ofyou are probably wondering how a hip-hop soul artistended up in L.A. instead of New York, Philly, or ATL. Honestly, I did too. When I moved here, I thought L.A. was just Hollywood, Rodeo Drive, Compton, Issa Rae, and Kendrick Lamar. And yeah, it is allthose things, but it is also something deeper. This citycelebrates the richness and beauty of differences. It is aplace where dreamers chase what feels impossible. A big citywithout the nonstop hustle of New York. A creative haven, if you can survive the traffic.”

I shifted, pulling myWhen I Get Homesweatshirt over my knees as I curled deeper into the chair at Del’s recording studio. The fabric was soft, grounding. Solange made that album about returning to herself, and tonight, that was exactly what this show felt like for me.

“L.A. has beenmy home for the past seven years. For most ofthose years, I loved it. Even after my scandal, Idid not feel too judged here. People in this cityare too busy chasing their own dreams to worry aboutthe fall of mine.”

I exhaled, tilting my head back.

“Ending the tour here feels like coming full circle. Mycareer as MILA started in Houston and burned out here. My rebirth as just Janae has been more than Iever imagined. Every city on this tour has welcomed mewith open arms. I know there are still some hatersout there, but at this point, if you are stillmad? You are just jelly. Jealous that I am finallyat peace with who I am. Or at least, Iam getting there.”

I tapped my nails against the mic, letting the moment breathe between us.

“Do not getit twisted, though. I am nervous as hell. Every day,I am praying that I step onto that stage andgive y’all the show of a lifetime.”

I waved my hand, forcing a smirk.“But, you know… nopressure.”

The producer’s voice came from behind the camera. “What about you and Landon Hayes?”

I hugged myself, smiling at the thought of him. “Never thought I’d meet someone like him. No shade to my last relationship, but Landon is what I needed, even when I didn’t know I needed someone like him. I love me some him!”

The producer shifted gears. “What does the success of ‘Fallen Star’ mean to you?”

I exhaled, still taking it in. “The success of ‘Fallen Star’ still astounds me, like I just found out yesterday. We wrote that song in a day. Just vibing, getting lost in the music, and trusting each other. We knew it was special. We just didn’t expect a debut at number one.”

I let out a breathy laugh, shaking my head. “The video of me standing on the tables at Junior’s when I found out? Still surreal. One minute, I’m enjoying burgers and fries. The next, the whole place is screaming my name.”

My throat tightened, emotions creeping in. “I cry too damn much. This tour has turned me into a puddle. First, performing again in Houston. Then, telling the world I have bipolar. And now, finding love? Yeah, I’ve been a mess.”

I inhaled, steadying myself before raising my arms in victory. “Three years and counting in therapy. No booze, no drugs, and back on my meds. Taking care of myself, for real this time.”

Looking straight into the camera, I let the words settle. “So, what does having a hit record mean? It means it’s okay to fall. It’s okay to crash and burn. Because if you fight for yourself, if you believe in yourself, you can rise again.”

I paused, letting the weight of that truth land.

“And to co-write this song with The Hollow Bones? That’s the highlight of my career. Hands down.” My chest ached at the thought of the tour ending. “I don’t know what I’ll do without my brothers. L.A. is our last show. After that, we go our separate ways. They’re heading back East, and I’m staying out here on the West Coast.”

I blinked through the sudden sting in my eyes, forcing a smile. “The Hollow Bones have become my family. And I love them to death.”

A knock on the door interrupted my talk

“I’m in the middle of my confessional,” I yelled, and looked at the producer.

“It’s on you.”

Before I could decide if I wanted my time to be interrupted, the door opened, and The Hollow Bones, sans Landon, piled into the studio where I’d been recording one of my new songs in anticipation of a label deal. I pointed to the camera and the producer. “I’m kinda busy.”

“We want to jump in.” Brian pulled up a chair next to me. “We left your man playing the guitar. Once he gets started, you know he won’t stop for nothing.”

Cedrick and Charles stood behind me, fighting over who would do bunny ears over my head. Santiago kneeled on the other side of me to squeeze in.

I laughed at their antics. “I’m going to miss these men so much. They hated me at first.”

“Not me. I’ve always rooted for you.” Brian looped his arm around my neck and kissed my cheek.

“Stop kissing her ass.” Cedrick popped the back of his head, and Brian punched Cedrick’s leg without looking back.

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