Page 26 of Drill Session

“It’s like he studies your body and makes it his number one priority to make you cum. He knows all of your spots and he takes his time. He doesn’t rush his nut he actually takes his time with you. That shit was beautiful to watch.”

“Sounds like you did more studying than watching.”

“I love sex… I love the anatomy of it all, it’s more than the pleasure of it all. That’s what I had to teach them,” she nodded her head at her men. “Your body can know you want a person, but you heart has to feel it too, that’s where our sexual urges start from, not just the fatal attraction, but our hearts send signals to our minds first. That’s what people don’t like to decipher. Energy is transfused through each lick and suck.”

“So, what’re you saying?”

“I’m saying that Drill loves you. He loves you with all of his human being.”

My heart plummeted because if she could see it, then why can’t I? Part of me wanted to believe that she was right. People can see love, but if he’s the one giving it to me then why can’t I feel it. I don’t think I’m asking for too much, but I also yearn for Drill to put my heart on a pedestal the same way he does my body. I crave for him to look at my heart with those lust filled eyes the same way he does my body when I’m naked and my flesh is exposed. It’s the little things I like that he doesn’t love, and I’m supposed to wait for that? Believing and seeing are two different things and I shouldn’t be opposed to be making excuses for him, and he shouldn’t fool me into eating bullshit just because it’s served on a silver platter.

Choosing the latter, I took a deep breath and grabbed my phone from the counter, unblocked his number and texted him.

Just give me space right now.

The WeekAfter

Feb. 10th

“Can you rub my feet one more time, please?” I asked Jalisa with a pout.

Snuggling under my blanket on the couch, I placed my feet in her lap again and she rolled her eyes. I could feel the annoyance seething from her pores and the smoke coming out of her ears. For the past few days, she’s been my cuddle buddy, running errands with me, rubbing my feet after long hours at work and eating dinner with me—doing all the shit Drill and I used to do before he started smelling himself. Jalisa had no problem playing his spot and listening to me vent about the same shit over and over. If she wasn’t at my house, I was at hers invading the privacy between her and Lucky. This “breakup” was detrimental for me, and I don’t care who didn’t view things from my point of view.

Our last night in Lover’s Island we stayed distant, mainly me, for the most part. Drill would say little shit here and there, but I chose to give the silent treatment to avoid saying something out of pocket and bursting into tears. It killed me on the inside to act that way towards him, but I only have myself to blame. Vulnerability wrecked me and I fell flat on my face for vowing my feelings to him, playing the pity of a fool, willing to wait for him to reciprocate his too. To be petty, I booked me an early flight and took off. Had I felt in my gut this would happen, I’d kept my distance and stayed out of my head, but the vibe felt so serene, and he was saying and doing all the right things, making me swoon to him. He’d been trying to reach out, but every number he texted or called me from, I blocked. I also blocked every fake social media page and reported them as spam. Pissed to the third degree is a better way to describe my mood. I’m so heated, I can chew on a fucking brick right now.

“Akira this shit between you and Drill is aggravating. All you do is talk shit about the damn nigga and stalk his Instagram account frommypage. You ain’t trying to fool nobody but yourself,” she responded with an attitude and moved my feet from out of her lap. “Get these crusty ass feet off my pants suit. This just touched down from Neiman Marcus and you know how I am about my good clothes. Plus, I don’t have any more clothes here. I’m sexually frustrated and I can’t eat your pussy. I need to go home for a minute and soak in my tub,” she extended her arms to stretch them.

I playfully kicked her on the leg and adjusted myself on the other end of the couch. The night I had planned for us was to watch reruns ofA Different World, no matter how many times we’ve seen the episodes and knew them word for word, this was a comfort show for me. Having her here made me feel better in more ways than her stubborn ass wants to admit right now. She kept me levelheaded from going crazy when I felt like spazzing out.

“So, what you’re saying is that you don’t want to be here with me, you’d rather be with some police ass nigga? I met you first. You were my friend first.” I replied before scooping a spoonful of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream in my mouth.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying with your smart mouth ass.” She stood up from the couch and wiped the invisible crust and crumbs off her pants. “I need to get fucked.”

“You sound possessed,” I tittered.

“Just give me a few days and I’ll be back,” she changed her tone softer. Nonetheless, I still felt some type of way.

I thought about calling Lira, but with her hectic schedule she wouldn’t have the time to come over here and babysit me.

“Whatever,” I waved her off and continued watching my show.

It didn’t take her long to pack the rest of her things, because she was living out of her Glam--Aholic suitcase and never unpacked majority of her things. Most of her attire consisted of sleeping clothes and shit to lounge around in the house in. Like me, she took a mini vacay, because the housing market was bound to crash soon, and her messages would be flooding with new clients and old ones seeking new ventures or thinking of ways to expand their properties. Jalisa is the best damn relator in the tri-state area, so she needed a vacation to take the load off.

“Let me walk you to the door,” I told her, as I waited for her at the end of the stairs.

“Wipe that frown off your face, I told you I’ll be back,” she giggled at my antics.

“Ain’t nobody frowning, if you’re tired of being here then just say that. I won’t hold it against you,” I joked with her.

“Bitch quit acting like you can’t call me. We don’t stay far from each other.”

Once she reached the last step, she rolled the suitcase on the hard wood and trotted her way to the door. The weather was still chilly, and the weather man predicted it’ll get colder as the days went on, so I clutched my robe tighter around the nape of my neck as I walked her to the car.

“Do you have everything, because you if left something I’m not bringing it to you.” I spoke as I watched her toss her luggage in the back seat of her Lexus RX Hybrid.

She swung her long 22inch tresses over her shoulder and rolled her eyes at my remark. “Bitch you’re doing exactly what you think you ain’t doing if I forget something. The way you’ve been holding me hostage all damn week, I need a hard drink. All that damn crying and bitchin’. You better call Lira next time and we can rotate.”

With a decisive click, the back door shut then she opened the driver's side door and slid into the seat. I leaned against her car, and she rolled down the window.

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