Page 61 of The Manor of Dreams

“Don’t think so,” Ada said against her lips. “No one can hear. Everyone’s getting drunk downstairs with Lucille.” It was true. Beyond the doors of her mother’s walk-in closet, Ada heard music swell from the living room. There was a clink of glasses, and then Lucille’s loud laugh.

“You don’t want to join?”

Ada looked at Sophie’s flushed cheeks and parted lips. The room was saturated with the cloying, floral scent of Ma’s perfume. They were hidden by satin and bright nylon shirts and velvet and wool.Thiswas what Ada wanted to cling onto. She pulled Sophie in and kissed her again, hard, one kiss imploring another. She tasted like honey. “I thought about you last night.”

“You did?” Sophie gave a coy smile. Ada could only register the way the dim light played with Sophie’s jawline and brought out the lashes that adorned her sharp, angular eyes. “What about?”

“The library.”

Sophie teased, “The books?”

Ada blushed. “Aboutwhat happenedin the library.”

Sophie hesitated, finally earnest. “I’ve been thinking about that, too. A lot, actually.”

Ada whispered, “What are you thinking now?”

Sophie met her eyes. Ada felt her fingers tremble with the strap of her dress. Ada smiled and slipped the strap off her own shoulder. She used to sneak in here with her sisters when her mother was away and try on her fancy clothes. They’d zip up the dresses and feel the cool satin against their skin. Now Sophie’s fingers reached for the zipper of Ada’s dress as she fumbled with the button on Sophie’s pants, feeling the heat of her waist against her palm. “Careful,” Ada said. “We have to be quiet.”

“Of course,” Sophie breathed. She reached up and kissed Ada, her hand cradling her neck, as her other hand pushed down Ada’s dress until it puddled around her feet. Sophie’s palm slid down Ada’s stomach and pushed her back until Ada’s shoulder blades touched the cool wall behind her. She gasped.

“Shhhh,” Sophie murmured against Ada’s cheek, her thigh nudging its way between Ada’s legs. “Quiet, remember?”

Neither of them noticed the dresses around them sliding off the hangers as they started to move together. Or that the door beyond had opened just a crack.

LUCILLEhad kissed Reid Lyman and the first person she wanted to tell about it was Ada. She searched for her sister in every room downstairs. She jumped up the stairs and took two at a time. There was no one. Ma’s door was open, even though she had explicitly told people to stay out of her parents’ room. She crept in and heard voices coming from the closet.

They weren’t just talking. Lucille could see Sophie close to Ada, surrounded by Ma’s dresses. Sophie kissed Ada’s collarbone and Lucille reeled back. All of a sudden she felt leaden again, except this time she understood the truth of it all. They wanted to be alone together because they weretogether.And now the secret weight of this fell upon all three of them. Lucille was hit by a wave of nausea, from disgust and sharp anger and the guilt of seeing something that she shouldn’t have.More hushed sounds came from the closet. She swallowed the acidic taste in her mouth and ran out of the room. Downstairs, she reentered a party that didn’t feel like hers anymore.

SOPHIEDeng stood in front of the mirror in Vivian’s closet as she got dressed. Ada had already headed back to the party. She fumbled with the buttons on her shirt. Smoothed down her straight, short hair. She stared in the mirror at her bright eyes and her swollen lips. “Oh, Sophie,” she said to herself, and then laughed shakily. “You aresodone for.”

She made her way down the stairs and through the crowds that had gathered in the hallways. She saw people who’d never even looked twice at her in school. None of her friends were here. Lucille was reaching over the dining room table, pouring herself another drink. She didn’t acknowledge Sophie at all. Unsurprising, really. Rennie was giggling on the couch, surrounded by all her eighth-grade friends. Ada sat next to them, sipping wine and fiddling with the speaker knobs. Lucille breezed right past Sophie to go say something to Ada.

No one noticed as Sophie slipped through the crowd. She couldn’t look any of them in the eye. Wind coasted through the windows and the curtains billowed. Bracelets clinked and nylon tops shimmered. Sophie emerged into the cool night and ran barefoot down the stone steps. She headed to the one place she knew she could be alone.

The grass was still warm under her feet from the day’s heat. She wove through the flowers, through the hydrangeas and lavender bushes and lilacs, and sank down on her knees next to the rose. She squeezed her eyes shut. The memory of the kiss radiated through her, and it was as if she could feel the roots deep in the ground pulsate to her wild heartbeat, to the dim rush of the fountain. The roses had burst into vivid bloom this spring, and now she carefully cupped a bud toward her and breathed in its perfume.

Sophie didn’t know exactly when her feelings started. This spring? Or maybe it was years ago and she didn’t realize until recently. When did she start looking at Ada and thinking of her, the way her shoulders trembled with her quiet laughs, the pointed look she gave when it was like she was holding a secret just between the two of them, the way herlong black hair rippled over her shoulders? Sophie alone caught the quiet moments of kindness, when Ada claimed she was full and slipped Rennie extras of her dessert, or when she talked Lucille down when Lucille was scared she’d failed a test, or when she alone admired the acrylic paintings Sophie proudly took home from art class and looked at them thoughtfully, then at Sophie—and there it would be, the sweet dimpled smile that would make her lose her momentary thought.

These days, her heartbeat quickened every time Ada was near her, every time they shared that furtive smile. Every time a flower appeared between the pages of a book in the library it was a miracle.

But it was wrong. All throughout her life she had been told to keep her wicked desires to herself. To resist sin and strangeness. She was the daughter of a housekeeper and a gardener.Ada’shousekeeper and gardener.

Her parents had already gotten them this far. Bà found fortune in this place.??. They were so lucky that Vivian treated them like family and allowed them to live in this house and paid for their school. Sophie had to do everything right. She and Elaine were raised in gratitude and virtue. They would go to college and set out beyond the house, on their own. They would be able to be the things their parents could only dream of.

But now Sophie wanted to stay.

Shecould notwant Vivian Yin and Richard Lowell’s daughter. One kiss, she’d told herself, then she would be able to end it. But she knew now that it was only the beginning. Sophie opened her eyes to the darkening sky and unraveling clouds. A breeze tipped through the gardens and she felt the roses sway toward her.

She wanted one more kiss. And then another. She wanted this secret to hold. She dreamed of being with Ada tomorrow, next week, all summer—and she didn’t know what happened after that. As long as Ada was near her, was with her, Sophie wasn’t sure she cared.

twenty-two

MAY 1990

VIVIANhad longed to return to France ever since her honeymoon, and now she was here for Cannes. It was nothing like Paris. Between the sleepy green forested hills and the endless horizon of tranquil sea, cobbled streets knit together shops and homes and hotels. Words rolled off people’s tongues as if they had all the time in the world. Maybe one day she’d learn French too.

Vivian now wore a dark blue satin dress with a beaded bodice and a skirt that rippled out loosely around her legs. It looked like deep water, the way it shifted in the light. Her husband’s hand rested around her waist. She wished she could grab a drink without his watchful eyes on her. She tried to predict what he would say to her later: that she slouched when she walked, that she drank too much, that she talked too loudly. They needed to be perfect together. Someone came around with a platter of champagne flutes. Richard took two and gave one to Vivian. She gratefully accepted.

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