Page 85 of The Manor of Dreams

“Good. So we understand each other. That won’t change.” Vivian reached out and cupped Sophie’s face. “We will survive this. It will be hard. But our families will be whole again. Together. I’ll take care of all of us.” She turned back to the vanity and set down her comb.

Sophie sat in her room and looked out the window that night. The house had quieted, but she had barely moved since returning from Vivian’s room. Pain pulsed through her. She needed water. She reached for the painkillers on the side of her bed and swallowed two more dry.

This couldn’t be from the flower, could it? Wouldn’t it have killed her already? How much did it take to kill Mr. Lowell? She’d touched the flowers with her bare hands. She’d fallen asleep holding it, tucked under her chin. Could she have absorbed the poison through her skin?

Why would it only be affecting her now? The flowers were taken out a week ago. But she couldn’t eat. She felt feverish. She was never religious like her parents were, but she knew without a doubt that she was being punished right now. She deserved this, whatever it was. She had to endure it.

A small knock sounded at the door and Sophie jumped. Ada slipped in. “Hi.” Sophie rose to her feet. Ada came forward and reached for her.

Wordlessly Sophie held her and stroked her hair. She ached everywhere, but she forced herself to stay standing. It was the least she could do.I did this to her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered against Ada’s hair. Ada’s shoulders trembled. “I’m so sorry.”

Ada looked up and their eyes met. Then Ada kissed her. On instinct, Sophie kissed her back. Ada’s tongue was warm, but Sophie’s lips were numb.No.Ada slipped her fingers under the hem of Sophie’s shirt, and Sophie gently pushed her away. She swallowed. “I can’t.”

Ada’s expression shifted in the lamplight. “Okay. Not tonight.”

“No,” Sophie said. She looked at the girl in front of her and her heartbeat surged. She was so beautiful and in so much pain. It hurt Sophie to look at her. She desperately wanted to fully love her and comfort her. She wanted to kiss her again.

All this time Sophie thought she had been safe confiding in Ada’s mother. But Vivian had been using her. She asked about Ada every night because she wanted something to hold over Sophie. Now Richard had died because of what Sophie had done; because of her wild and reckless emotions. “I can’t do this.”

Ada stepped back, looking as shocked and hurt as if Sophie had kicked her. “You don’t want this anymore?”

Sophie squeezed her eyes shut. “It’s not good. I’m not good, Ada.”

“No. That’s not true. You know how I feel about you.”

“We can’t be doing this. It isn’t right.”

“Why are you saying this?” Ada pleaded. “Did someone find out about us?”

Sophie felt faint. “I—”

“Who found out? Was it one of my sisters? Is it Rennie? My mother?” Ada probed. “Ma found out about us, didn’t she? Was that why I saw you talking to her the other day? What did she say to you?”

“I can’t— It’s not—”

“What did she say?”

“I can’t tell you!” Sophie’s burst out. She felt like she was going to throw up. “Stop asking. Just—stop. This needs to end. Trust me. Please.”

“Needs to? Or do you want it to?”

Sophie said nothing.

Ada whispered, “Tell me that you don’t care about me. I won’t believe you until you say it. As long as you care about me, I still want this.”

Sophie’s throat constricted. She couldn’t look at Ada at all. She took a shuddering breath and stared at the floor. A moment passed, and then two. The door closed and Sophie crumpled to the bed in relief.

thirty-two

AUGUST 1990

ADAlay in bed for most of the next day in shock. The phone kept ringing with condolences and requests from journalists. Edith made food only for it to sit out on the table.

She felt trapped. She wanted to leave the house, but she couldn’t drive and didn’t want to ask Lucille. Most of all she couldn’t bear her mother’s absence through all of this. She finally got up and went downstairs to the library.

Surprisingly, Ma was there. She looked up from her desk. “Bao bèi? What is it?”

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