Page 107 of Ruin

“Lover boy has joined us.” Mason jokes at him, and he walks over to them, and I walk over to the kitchen. I don’t know about him but I need food, and on cue as if he can hear my thoughts, he looks at me.Food?

“I’ll get something delivered-”

“No, you won’t. The doors are locked, no one in or out, but Cain.” Hayden snaps at him. “Trixie, we have food, throw a pizza in the oven or something.” he shouts toward me, and Lileah joins me in the kitchen.

“I’ll get them. Do you want anything to drink?” she asks, I shake my head, and sit on the stool listening to them talking about today.

“Cain, I said I won’t leave, so I won’t leave.” Declan tells him, and I open my pad to the designs I’ve done for Lileah. I know she liked one, but I drew another one which I think will look really nice on her.

“Good. You don't disappear from this room,” Cain tells him, well it’s more of a warning than anything else.

“Pool?”

“No.” Cain cuts that idea off straight away, and I press my lips together seeing how they are all with him.

“So, I can’t swim, can’t fix my car, can’t fuck my girl, this is going to be a long fucking evening.” Declan digs his phone out of his pocket, and I was waiting to see how long it was going to take him to show them the message. He throws the phone over to Cain, who catches it with one hand, and reads the message.

“You can hide, but you’ll regret it.” Cain hands the phone back to Declan, and they both stare at each other as if they both know what they are thinking without uttering one word. “Everyone is watching, they‘re to call if something is wrong.”

“You think someone has turned?” Declan asks him, and Cain hasn’t taken his eyes off him once.

“When you have all the power, there is always someone who will betray you. But why? You find out when it’s too late.” Why does he sound so calm saying that, no one should be calm when something is happening like this? “It’s part of our world, Declan. You lose people.”

Declan doesn't say anything, but you can see the change in his body, the tension and the worry is in his eyes. But who is he worried about? We are all here, except his parents. That’s who he is worried about. Oh my God, I’ve not once asked about them, to see if they are safe or not. I'm not a good girlfriend at all. My mind goes into overdrive with all the questions I should be asking him. Will your parents be safe? Do you need to call them? Fuck, I should be asking these things. I take a deep breath as the guilt of feeling so shit about myself hits me, there’s a tightness in my throat.

I look down at my hand and see Lileah’s hand on mine, she gives me a small smile as if she knows what I’m thinking. “It’s okay,” she whispers.

I watch Declan talking with his brothers, thinking about how he would do everything and anything for me, and then there is me who is so lost in my own self-pity that I’ve not once asked how he is feeling about this.

Fuck, that’s the number one question I’m asking him once all this crazy is finished. I’m going to ask him every day how he is.

“Let’s keep looking at this. Is this for me?” She turns the pad towards her and looks at it. “If it’s not, can I have it, I love the backless look. In black?” She turns to face me, as I had it in red, but it’s her dress she can have it whatever color she wants.

I take a deep breath, and I feel the words on my tongue, but they won’t come out. I close my eyes for a moment, calming myself down. It’s just a few words, you can say them. I give myself a peptalk. I know I can do it.

“It’s your dress,” I whisper the words, and Lileah snaps her eyes to mine, and smiles. I don’t have to look across the room, because I feel Declan staring at me.

He is close to his family, but I think being twins, he would love for me to be around Lileah a lot more. She places her hand on top of mine, and smiles, not making a big deal of it she continues to ask about her dress.

“You think we can add lace-”

“Whoooo. I think we need to look at this dress. Lace, I don’t think so,” Mason shouts, and I have to laugh as Mason takes the pad from her, and the pen from me, and doesn’t show us what he’s doing. I see him drawing all over the pad. “Well, this can come down more, and this part can go up.” Hayden stands behind him agreeing with him, then points to the pad and Mason nods agreeing with whatever he has whispered to him.

Mason hands Lileah the pad back, and she looks up at him in shock. “I might as well wear a black bin bag,” she shouts at him. I take the pad from her to look, and they have covered more than half of her back and lowered the dress length to over her knees.

“If it’s long enough,” Hayden is the one to reply. I look over at Declan and Cain talking, then Declan walks him to the front of the house. I turn back to Lileah arguing with her brothers.

“You’re being stupid. Trixie is making me this dress the way she designed it, and there is nothing you can do about it,” Lileah shouts at them, and I jump a little when Declan wraps his arm over my shoulder.

He looks down at me, but I smile already, knowing he will ask me about it later. I don’t even know why I jumped, it’s not like Robert will ever come close to me again, but why do I think this is all a dream and I’m about to wake up and find he's attacking me, again.

“Fine, you wear that-” Mason points to the pad which Declan has taken from me. “-then I think we have to come, too, make sure no one thinks they can touch you.” Lileah cusses under her breath and shakes her head, rips the pad from Declan’s hands, and turns to me.

“I was thinking some lace on the back of the dress-”

“Not happening,” Hayden snaps, and at this point I’m not going to do this even if Lileah nags me. I’m not getting on the wrong side of these four.

I pull the pad over to me, and re-design the dress, maybe something which might still look good, and the brothers are happy too.

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