Page 77 of Ruin

“So, is that what you want to do, a fashion designer?”

Yes, I love sewing, and designing. One day at a time. What about you?

“I’ll be in the family business one way or another. All of us will be,” Declan says nothing else, but there is more to the answer than what he’s giving me.

Our breakfast comes out, and we both start eating. Declan looks up at me a few times, as he looks through his phone as he eats.

It was only for a night and day, but this has been the most relaxed I’ve ever been. I’ve even smiled so much my face hurts because I'm not used to it.

But everything has to come to an end eventually.

TWENTY

TRIXIE

I standup in front of my mom’s grave, and look over at Declan leaning on the hood of his car, tapping on his phone. I’ve been here two hours and not once has he called me to hurry.

It’s been nice to sit here for so long and tell her everything about the year. I wish I could come see her more, but dad moved so far away it’s hard for me. The flowers are all dead, and you can see I’ve not been here for so long, as they all have disgusting mold on them. I wish I could come here every week to see mom, but I can’t. I’ve told her all the good that’s happened this year, I mean the list was very small, and took me a whole five minutes to tell her, but the list of bad things, it was a different story and took me a while to get through the list. Knowing she can’t help me, but it still felt good to tell someone about the hell I’m living in.

Being able to say out loud all the stuff I hate about myself. For being so weak, and letting him hurt me the way he does.

I glance over at Declan again, wondering what he would think of me when he finds out the truth. Not wanting to think about it I turn back to the grave and wipe the tears, because I know my mom would be so disappointed in me. I couldn’t fight to protect myself, and I can't even do it now. The only thing I can say to my mom is I’m sorry.

Telling my mom I will be back next year, I walk over to Declan, and when I get to him, I feel a tug in my stomach, something about being around him gives me peace.

But I know the peace will be gone as soon as I’m home. I can keep fighting him, but the more I fight the more he fights back, and each time it’s harder, the bruises will get worse. And I have a feeling if my bruises are bad Declan will start coming to my kickboxing classes, and figure out the bruises are not coming from there. Which will lead to questions I don't want to answer.

“You okay?” Declan asks and pulls on my dress to get closer to him.

Yes, it’s hard, but I’ll always come.

“And I’ll always bring you.” He walks to the passenger side and opens the door for me. “But right now, I want to go home, and have some fun in my bed.” He gives me a wink, and I smile at the plans he has for us. Anywhere is better than being in my house.

What about my car? I need to see if my dad will pay for it.

“I already paid for it to be fixed, I’ll go tomorrow to see how long it will take. Until then I’m your driver.” I stare at him, for a moment, thinking what the hell happened to Declan who gave me a list and wanted to torment me.

I’m already in enough debt with you.

Declan laughs, shaking his head. “A little more won’t hurt then, will it?”

No, it won’t.

I have no idea if he would take the money from me if I had it, but right now I’m not going to mention it as I like this side of him.

Sitting in the car, Declan closes the door, and I watch him walking around to the driver’s side. I didn’t notice last night he drives a stick, putting it into reverse he drives out, and places his hand on my thigh when he doesn’t need to change gears anymore.

“When are you going to get the neck tattoo covered?” he asks, and I turn to face him. I seriously thought he was messing with me. “Trixie I enjoy staring at your skin covered in tattoos, God you have no idea how sexy I think you are covered in ink, but that fucking tattoo, I hate it. Why did you get it?” He turns to me for a moment, then back to the road, and I give myself some time to think of a lie. The truth, I can see it and have visions of ending my life with the wire and feeling my blood drip out of me, but what am I going to tell Declan?

I thought it looked different.That's the best I can come up with.

“Well, I want it covered quickly,” Declan snaps at me, and the only thing I can do is nod my head. I know what he wants me to get, if he really wants me to get his hand around my neck tattooed, I need to make sure it’s drawn right and looks good, too. I mean the ones I’ve seen online look amazing, but he’s asking me to permanently tattoo his hand on me. I don’t even know what this is yet.

Declan's hand tightens on my thigh as he dashes through the traffic, I snap my head to him, as he quickly goes to the right lane. My hand slaps down on his forearm, as he picks up the speed. I watch him looking in the mirror, which makes me look at the side mirror. What is he looking at?

Declan moves his hand away from my thigh, and hits the caller button on his screen, at the name Miles.

“Where are you?” he asks before Miles can even say hello.

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