Page 24 of Ruin

I take in a deep breath,trying hard to stuff more bad thoughts into the mental box, which is already very full. No lock is going to shut it, because I keep adding more to it. My mom’s death, the bimbo and her evil words, her bastard son, and now Declan. How much more can I lock away?

Trixie

My message.

I throw my phone on the passenger seat and lean my head on the steering wheel. Would anyone even miss me if I died today? Dad doesn’t care enough to even spend an hour with me. My grandparents on both sides haven’t spoken to me since dad got remarried. They hate the bimbo as much as I do, they take that out on me and that’s not fair. So there is no one in my life who would even miss me.

All I need to do is cut myself a little deeper and let the blood escape. Fucking hell, what am I thinking?

The tap on the window pulls me away from my intrinsic thoughts, which I would like to say has only happened once, but that would be a lie. I’ve thought about it quite a few times.

Grabbing my bag, I get out of the car. Ash puts his arm around my shoulder and hands me his joint. My phone keeps beeping, but I ignore it and check my watch instead. I see the message.

Dick

Be at my house at 11am!

Rolling my eyes, I don’t bother looking at the others which came through. I take a long drag of the joint and turn to Ash, who’s laughing.

“We were wondering when Declan was going to make his move on everyone else. Well, I think the game is beginning,” Ash tells me as we join the group who are sitting in the garden.

Ash sent me a message saying everyone was going to his house after school and I could come over. I replied saying no because I didn’t know how long Declan would have kept me there, but all I want is to forget everything.

The way his hands gripped my hair, the way he held me so I choked on his dick, the way he grunted when my lips were around him.

I want to forget. I want to forget what happened last night. I want to forget everything about my life.

“My college application has been declined, with no explanation.” Erin cries. Kat is trying to calm her down.

“It has to be him. He said he was going to make us all pay.”

I don’t understand how this can be something to do with Declan. How could he even do that?

I lie down on the grass. There is nothing I can say to her to make her feel better. None of them learned sign language, and I’m not in the mood to write anything down for them.

I hear Ash trying to make her think of other reasons the college could decline her. Right now, with the small moments I’ve been with Declan, I bet he is behind it. He’s ready to make everyone pay for burning his car.

Looking up at the clear blue sky, I take another drag and close my eyes.

15 years old

“You smell nice, you always smell nice.” Robert presses his body into mine, hard enough so I can’t move away from him. I hate it when his lips touch me. They feel like fire, they feel like my skin is burning.

“Mom said I can play with you. You’re my gift.”

I knew she was a bitch.

I try to scream when he puts his hand down my pants. He moves his other hand over my mouth. So I try to fight him, and he pulls away from me and laughs.

“We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either way, I get you. I was promised I would get you,” Robert shouts, and slaps me, then grabs my face. “I like the hard way.” He slaps me again and throws me to the floor.

“Trixie!” Ash shouts my name, pulling me away from the memory of the first time Robert hit me. “What’s Declan doing to you?”

How the fuck do I answer that question?

Grabbing my bag, I pull out the notepad and start writing.

Nothing. All he does is say a few words to me, then walks away.

---