Page 58 of Ruin

Death is the only answer. I can be with mom, safe in her arms again. I can watch her sewing like I used to when I was little. I can sleep without worrying about him coming into my room. Is death easier? I don’t want to die. But I don’t want to live either.

I drop the blade, grab my phone, and text the only person who might care.

My fingers tremble over the name I want to message, and when I open it up, I take a moment to finally type the words. I’ve never typed them before. Ever. My fingers feel heavy as I hit each letter. The last time I asked for help, they slapped me back in the face. Why will it be any different now? My finger hoovers over the send button, but the banging on the door, the shouting from the other side, is scaring me tonight. I finally hit send, and a part of me is praying they come.

TRIXIE

Help me.

* * *

Declan wasn’t at school yesterday, so I had a peaceful day, but I didn’t go home either. Ash said I could stay over with him, after smoking too much. No matter how much I smoked, I couldn’t get Robert’s touch off me, nor could I get his words out of my head. There is no way he would rape me without protection, would he?

Declan messaged me this morning telling me not to wear anything under my skirt. Which meant I had to change what I was wearing, as I didn’t want to wear a short skirt so the entire school could see my ass, unless that’s what he has planned.

I still haven’t seen Declan, and I’m hoping wherever he is, he'll stay there. I don’t know why, but being around Declan is making me feel as if I have someone who cares about me, which is stupid. Yet when Robert was hurting me, it was him I messaged, thinking maybe he cared. I was wrong. I’m only a whore for him to play with.

Stopping in front of my locker I see the flower taped on it. He’s here. And my body betrays me when a shiver moves through, already thinking about what he has planned for me. Declan doesn’t touch me like Robert does. Declan might touch me without me saying yes, yet my body enjoys his touch. He makes me feel something I’ve never felt before. For Robert it’s all about hurting me, making me suffer any way he can, nothing else. But Declan, he wants me to enjoy it, and I hate myself for having pleasure when he touches me.

I like the thought of him touching me with the knife.With the knife?I think to myself. What? No, get the thoughts out of your head. If someone else gave me the pain, maybe it would be better for me. Maybe I could feel more pleasure from it. If I tell him I like the pain of the knife, he might do it more. I wipe the new tears away before anyone sees me crying. I’m not crying because I feel weak for thinking like this. I’m crying because I crave a cut and pain more than I crave anything else, and I want Declan to do it.

Maybe he will cut me himself, without me having to ask.

He seems to like a knife. Why else would he have fucked me with one?

My hands shake at the thought of what he could do. Not out of fear, which it should be, because I am scared of what he'll do, but shaking at the thought of him hurting me, and me wanting it.

Fuck, I need help.

“Afternoon, beautiful.” My body tenses up when Declan puts his arm around me, pulling me closer, and kissing my cheek. “Have you missed me?” He brings his arm out, pulls the flower from my locker and hands it to me. “I think this flower suits you,” he whispers, and I take the flower from him and place it into my bag. “Let’s go for a walk.”

He isn’t asking me, as he walks away, pulling me with him. There is no way he would do anything to me at school. There are too many teachers around. He opens the door to an empty classroom, walks me in, and shuts the door behind us. I turn to face him, watching him pull the blinds down, then lean on the door smiling, as he looks over my body, then at my face.

“Is it crazy to say you look more beautiful than the last time I saw you?” Declan looks down at my legs, looking at my tattoos. “Have you drawn my tattoo?” he asks, and I shake my head. I didn’t know what to design for him. A tattoo is something he should tell me he wants. I don’t know him well enough to design something for him.

I watch his tongue peek between his lips, and he slowly glides in over his bottom lip. The way his eyes are burning into my body right now, is making my body react in ways it shouldn’t.

“What are you thinking right now?” Declan asks, and I look up at his eyes, taking my eyes away from his lips.

Wondering what you have planned. And what you are thinking?

“I’m thinking I’ve eaten the pussy of three women, and never wanted to do it again, it wasn’t a turn on for me. But the third woman’s pussy I’ve eaten, I need more. It’s become almost a drug for me, one hit, now I need another.” Declan nods his head for me to take a step closer to him, but I can’t seem to move. “You can come to me, or I come to you, and I might finally get to feel how tight your pussy is around my dick.”

My eyes widen at his words, and the smile spreads even wider across his lips, but I don’t push my luck, so I take a step closer to him, then another when he doesn’t do anything. As soon as I get in reaching distance, Declan wraps his hand around my neck, pulls me closer to him, and then smashes his lips into mine.

The moment his lips touch mine; I hate myself when my body betrays me.Stop being so fucking stupid Trixie, he doesn’t care if he hurts you.Declan pulls away from me, but not far enough, just enough, so I can see in his eyes. Darkness moves through them, with a hint of fire burning in the back. Without warning, he grabs my hair firmly from my scalp and kisses me again.

I feel Declan’s tongue glide across my lips. I didn’t want to but I open my mouth for him, and the moment his tongue touches mine I moan.Fuck.What am I doing?

Tightening his hand against the back of my head, I moan against his mouth. God, my body is fully his now. I have no control over anything, as I feel myself getting wetter each time he moves his tongue with mine.

Breaking the kiss, he pushes me back. My back slams against the door, and I feel his hand move to my thigh, inching closer to my pussy. The second he touches me, I’m lost.

“Ohhh, so wet for me. I think I’m growing on you.” He licks my bottom lip, then takes my ring in his mouth as he sucks a little.

I don’t answer, because I don’t want to admit it to him, but he is.

“You know you want to,” Declan whispers against my lips, and just like that, I rock my hips, my hands on his shoulders as he slips his fingers into my pussy, and the feeling makes me moan.

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