Page 65 of Ruin

SEVENTEEN

TRIXIE

Robert parks the car,and the fear hits me when I don’t see dad’s car parked on the drive. I quickly open the door to get out and run. Run where? I have no fucking idea but anywhere is better than here. Before I can move he grabs my hair and pulls me back into the car.

“Do not test me!” he shouts.

He’s so angry because he thinks I’m with Declan, but I’m not. Declan has the same power over me as Robert does. But there are so many things which are different between them both. Declan hasn’t raped me—yet. Declan has never hit me, not once. When I was dancing on the table, and he got angry with his teammate, and said he would never hit a girl. Declan is different.

I try to close the door behind me, but Robert kicks it so hard I fall to the floor.

“You’re mine, remember that!” he shouts, and before I can get to my feet, Robert is sitting on top of me, slapping my face so hard the sting of it lingers over my cheek. I’ve seen Robert angry, but this is something different, this is pure rage and nothing else.

“Mine!” he screams as he rips the top of my outfit, his hand is wrapped around my neck, as his other hand pulls down my bra.

I try to fight him, try to push him away from me, but it’s not going to help me today. Nothing is going to help me today. This has been going on for years, and this is the first time I’ve seen him like this. Jealous.

“Trixie, let's go.” Lileah pushes me to walk out of the house, and I look over at Declan getting into his car. “Charlie, can I have your car? I'll drop it off in the morning.” I watch Declan’s car in the distance, and the tears I've been holding onto all night finally escape.

Robert raped me twice the other night when he took me out of school, all because he thought something was happening with Declan. Then he hurt me again this morning, and I didn’t want to go to school, because my body was hurting from the punches and kicks he gave me. Even now they hurt, but Declan scared me. I've never seen him like that before, or anyone with so much rage, until tonight.

Declan warned me, but I need a smoke to get Robert out of my head, off my body. When Declan touches me as crazy and fucked up as it is, I feel safe, but I could still hear Robert in my head, and I had to shut it off. I had to smoke, knowing it would anger Declan, but I still did it anyway. How can he tell me to stop, when he has no idea what I go through every night?

But the rage I saw in Declan had fear running through me, I wanted to scream for someone to help me. He was close to fucking me, but he stopped. He stopped himself, he isn’t the monster Robert is. Inside the hard shell he has, there is someone who knows there is a line, and he doesn’t want to cross it.

“Lileah!” Vinn shouts and we both turn to face him. “Tell your brother, he’ll pay for this.”

“Fuck you,” Lileah shouts at him, and takes my hand for me to get in the car. She rushes to the driver's side and gets her phone out. Whoever she’s calling answers on the first ring. “Cain, you need to find Declan. He sped off and got in a fight-”

“Lileah calm down, I’ll find him. Why did he start a fight?” Cain asks her, and Lileah looks over at me.

“Cain, he hasn’t been honest, he hasn’t slept in a few days, and we were at a party, and one of the guys started dancing with Trixie and he lost it.”

Why isn’t he sleeping?

“I know where he is. I’ll get him back.” The line goes dead, and Lileah stays quiet for a moment. She’s thinking about how she’s going to have a conversation with me. Declan isn’t here to tell her what I’m saying. I don’t want her to say anything, she is probably blaming me for what Declan did.

The drive back to my house is in silence, which was nice. I needed some time without having to think of anything. Lileah parks in front of the house and I see Robert opening the front door. Has he been waiting by the door for me or something, asshole?

“Trixie, I told you not to hurt my brother. It’s a shame he’s hurting himself.” She stops talking and turns to face me. “He thinks he just wanted to make you suffer, but I see it, I hope it’s not too late.” I open the door, and stop when Lileah calls me. “Don’t listen to anyone, you’re a pretty girl, and my brother would be lucky to have you.”

I get out of the car and Lileah drives off. Confused with what the hell is happening, why is Lileah saying things like that to me? Does she not know what her brother is doing to me?

Letting out a sigh, I look up at Robert waiting with the door open. God, I’m not in the mood for him. I walk up to the house, and straight past the asshole, all the while thinking about what I was about to do last night.

Robert left my room about an hour ago, he waited for me to get out of the bathroom, but I didn’t. I was too busy vomiting. The bastard raped me not once, but twice, and each time he made sure he hurt me more than the last. I vomited until I had nothing left in my stomach, then I finally came out and he wasn’t in my room.

I turn to the red numbers, beaming from my clock. It’s two in the morning, and there is only one place my mind drifts off to, the one time I thought my life would change, the one time I thought I could escape this hell.

But I didn’t, because no one wanted to believe me. I became the person who embarrassed the family.

Robert walks into my bedroom behind me, and I throw my purse on the bed, and get in the bathroom to shower. Before the door can close behind me, Robert slams his hand to keep it open.

“You can shower, while I watch,” he barks, and I turn to face him. “Just because I can’t touch you, because God wants to punish me by having you bleeding once a month, doesn’t mean I can’t watch your sexy body in the shower.”

I don’t want a shower, but I want one, maybe not to wash Declan off, but more to continue to wash Robert's touch. There are parts of my body which Declan has touched, which are slowly making me forget Robert has touched me there. And a part of me wants Declan to touch every inch of my body so he can erase Robert’s touch. But am I erasing one monster's touch to replace it with another?

Robert isn’t leaving, and I’m not in the mood to fight, I put the shower on, and wait for the water to warm up. Without getting out of my clothes, I step into the shower, wait for the water to steam up the glass before undressing.

---