Page 81 of Ruin

“He needs-”

“I said, leave him,” Cain tells Hayden, and he takes a step back.

“You think this is the first time I'll be stitching myself up. You know, better than that,” I almost shout at Cain. He wants to make a point, but he can fuck off.

“What happened to your hit?” I let out a chuckle, shaking my head and pull out the tweezers from the first aid kit.

“Seriously?” I ask him, taking in a deep breath getting myself ready to feel pain, which is going to be worse than what I’m feeling now.

“Just want to know what happened to him-”

“What should have happened to him, the only reason it didn't was because you-”

“That wasn’t-”

“Fuck you, Cain.” This time I do shout at him, and if it was a few months ago, there was no way in hell I would have raised my voice. I don’t think any of my brothers would ever shout at him, but not me, not now. I’ve lived his hell, and now I don’t care.

“If it wasn't for Autumn, you'd still be the dead asshole you were when you came back into our life. I thought her being in your life would have given you some kind of…I don't know, heart.” I stop when Cain starts laughing to himself. I didn’t know Cain before he went to The Pit, hell none of us did, he was eight years old, so the first time I met him was when he knocked on the door to talk to dad.

“You don't care, do you? Even now you still want the hit, the information, the family job, don't you?” I ask him, placing both my hands on the counter, he wants this conversation while I have blood dripping out of me, then so fucking be it.

“The job is what we do. You know that?”

“Yeah, I do. But you don't have to live with the fact I could have killed him a few days ago. Fuck a week ago, I could have killed him, but because of you and your fucking order, I didn't, and he hurt another child. And that's on me, not you. On fucking me. I have to hold the guilt. I have to be the one to tell myself I could have saved the kid from getting touched, but no, so fuck you, and I would have brought him back just to kill him all over again.” If that man thinks I regret what I did, and if I come across another fucker like him, I’ll kill them, too.

“And leaving him the way you did.” First time I see Cain’s lip curl up into a smile.

“Yeah. What was wrong with it?” I ask.

“Nothing. I actually liked it.” The way Cain is looking at me is how a dad would look at his kids when they do something brilliant.

“How did he leave him?” Mason asks.

“Chopped his dick off and put it in his hand so when the cops saw him, they could see it.” Miles and Mason both start laughing like a full on roar laughter.

“He was a lead though,” Cain adds.

“Don’t give a fuck. Cain you’re family. I fucking love you. I love how messed up you are in your head. I love how you put us first, it's always us first. But there was no way in hell I was going let the fucker walk another day on this earth.”

Everyone goes silent and I pick up the tweezer back up from the counter, and take a deep breath in, as I push the tweezers into the bullet hole and pull the bullet out.

“Fuck!” I punch the counter because, God damn it hurt.

“Hayden.” Cain nods his head for him to come over and stitch me up. Asshole. “How much does she know?” Cain looks over at Trixie.

“I don’t know we haven’t had the chance to talk, maybe nothing, maybe a lot. She probably knows a lot, but doesn't know the answers to them. She knows I kill people. She knows I have no remorse for killing those either. She doesn’t know why I killed those people. She has no idea where I was this summer. She has no idea what this family does. She has no idea, but I'm probably going to have to explain it to her. So, give it some time, she'll know everything.” I flinch when Hayden tightens the bandage around my waist.

“And the situation between you two is?” Hayden asks, as he ties the bandage up.

“No one else's business but mine,” I snap.

“Kind of our business now, you know, family business and all,” Hayden replies with a tone I’m not liking. All my family want to piss me off today.

“Well, we had sex last night, then this morning, then was on my way home to have sex in my bed, other than that, I have no idea where this is. I'm in with her, she said she's in, but it was probably because she was scared I killed someone and set a car, with a man in the back, on fire. So how about you give me an hour of being back in the house and I can talk to her properly, explain things to her, then see what the situation is between us.” I know my tone, and my answer could have been better, but I’ve got a headache from the lack of blood in my body, and all I want is some food.

I look over at Trixie for the first time since I walked into the house, I’ve not once been able to ask if she’s okay, or if she needs anything. But I also know Lileah is next to her, hoping she will calm her down if she needs it.

Not how I had the day planned at all. My idea was being naked and buried deep inside Trixie, but not sure if that’s going to be happening, because every time I breathe, my wound hurts.

---