Page 27 of The Warrior's Salvation

19

EVIE

Christ, Lochlan makes me so mad. I didn't want to be angry and snap at him. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and feel their strength wrap around me, and here I am stomping away in a huff instead of pouring out everything to him and asking him for help.

My heart feels dead now, too stressed for too long to even know to react to the situation. Darren wants me to pull our financials. He seems to think that in doing so, it will show my father's ties to local politicians and Garda authorities whom he may be paying off. I refused, but I know I don't have a choice. If I don't do this, he goes public with his smear campaign. Part of me wishes Da really did have ties to the Garda. That way, he could make this all vanish.

Still crying, I head to the elevators, keeping my head down. People in the front office stare. I know they watched what happened, and I can't deny Lochlan's anger. At least he's not following on my heels to make it worse. The elevator at least shields me from some of it.

I pull a tissue from my pocket to clean up my face as well as I can and I head straight to my desk when I get to the second floor. If I'm going to get the stuff Darren wants, I have to do it fast. Lochlan will come up to my desk and see what I'm doing. At this point, I'm surprised he hasn’t moved my desk into Da's office like a naughty child being moved to the front of the class.

I've done horrible things, but he doesn't know it was me. No one knows. I'd like to keep it that way, at least until I figure out how to make Connelly fuck off. So my hands work as quickly as possible, pulling up banking statements and downloading them as files to a thumb drive again. The more I sift through things, the sicker I feel. There really are huge payments to men whose names I know are synonymous with authority in Dublin. Da is paying men off, but why?

My head swims. I feel like I'm going to be sick, but I keep pressing on. What I have is sufficient. Darren has proven his point, though I'm not sure why he wants these files except for more means to blackmail me. My gut tells me the only reason he wants this information is to prove to me that my father is corrupt, and he's done his job. I'm ashamed of Da and anyone else who knows who he is and allows him to continue what he's doing. Lochlan included.

When Jasper and my father walk in, it brings tears to my eyes. I shut the windows on my computer, but the emotions don't stop. I rub my temples, willing the vomit not to rise. Jasper talks loudly, slamming things around in a huff as he sits down at his desk, and I feel a firm hand on my shoulder.

"Everything okay, Evelyn?" Da never uses my nickname at work, which I normally appreciate, but right now, I could use one of his big hugs and assurance that I'm wrong, that he's not a monster like Lochlan O'Rourke's family. There are just too many ties, too many things that have come out to show me I don't even know who he is.

"Da," I grunt, but I lose the battle with my stomach. Gagging, I yank the trashcan toward me and spill my breakfast into it, inadvertently knocking the coffee off the corner of the desk onto the floor. It splashes on Da's shoes and he backs away quickly.

"Jasper, Christ," Da hisses. "Get some towels."

I throw up so hard I think my eyes pop out of my head. I know it's brought on by nerves, or at least I hope it is, but it's the worst I've felt in weeks. My gut roils hard. I stay there leaning over the trashcan for several long minutes until I think I can safely straighten up.

Da is hovering, Jasper stuffing wads of tissue into my hand while others in the office stare at me. I'm not well, and though I pray it's just the stress over Darren Connelly and the secrets coming out about my father, I can't rule out the fact that I may be pregnant. I've been having unprotected sex. I haven't been thinking clearly.

"Take her home," Da growls at Jasper, then he crouches next to me and pats my knee as I wipe my nose.

"Go home and rest, baby. You're just not back on your feet yet." His eyes search mine with curiosity. He's not a stupid man at all. The flu doesn't last weeks. It only lasts days. It's like he's seeing through to my soul, tuning in to my fears and reading my mind. But he's too kind to say it aloud.

"Yes, Da," I say, nodding. As he stands, I glance at Jasper. When neither of them are looking, I swipe the thumb drive without ejecting it safely, then press the power button to power down my computer.

My chest feels heavy and I feel a bit lightheaded as I follow Jasper down to his car. We pass Lochlan on our way out. He's seated at a computer downstairs, studying the screen intently. It's the security camera playback he's staring at, and it makes my heart flutter as I see my face blown up on it next to Darren Connelly, but I can't stop to explain myself now.

"Let's go," Jasper grumbles, grabbing my arm. He's not pleased at having to leave work to take me home in the middle of the day, but it isn't my choice to be going home. I'd rather be here too, diving into the banking records more carefully. It's heartbreaking uncovering my father's corruption, but at least I know I'm learning more about him, who he really is.

On the way home, I make Jasper stop by the chemist with the excuse of needing antacids and peptic syrup. I've just thrown up, so he doesn't balk at my request, though he does tell me to hurry up. Inside, however, I purchase a pregnancy test and cram it into my purse so he doesn't see it. The vomiting is too obvious to me, but I won't believe it until I've seen a positive test result.

If I really am pregnant, then maybe I should back off, tell Da what Connelly is doing. I can put my life at risk, but I can't do that to an unborn baby. I won't even let myself panic about what will happen if I'm pregnant yet. My mind is too cluttered with panic over Darren and my father. If I let those new fears seep in, my body will shut down.

At home, Jasper pauses near the street only long enough for me to climb out. Whatever is going on at the union office has all the men who work there acting like idiots. Da stopped to be gentle with me, but any other day, he'd have brought me home himself. I wish I could access the computer right now and find out exactly what was supposed to be shipped and to whom. Maybe if I knew what shipment was intercepted, I'd understand what all the fuss is about.

I glance up at the house. It's dark. Mum isn't home right now. Her SUV isn't parked in the garage, and I've got the whole place to myself, which is good. If they knew what’s in my purse right now, I have a feeling shit would hit the fan.

I slink back to my apartment and pull the test out of my purse, locking the door behind me and leaving my purse on the stand by the door. With all the coffee I've had to drink this morning, I'll have no problem pissing on this stick. I've never taken a pregnancy test, but it seems easy enough. Kelly will kill me when she finds out I've done this without even telling her about my suspicions, and Mum—my God. What will she think? What will they tell Elvin?

My eyes well up with tears as I slide my panties down and hold my skirt up around my waist to sit on the toilet. I can barely see straight as I tear the plastic wrapper off the test and hold it between my legs.

Tears slide down my cheeks and land on my knees, but I don't wipe them away. I can't stop them from coming any more than I can stop the pink lines creeping up the stick to confirm what my heart already knows is true.

I'm pregnant.

It's Lochlan O’Rourke’s baby, and if he finds out, I know my life is signed away. I am forever tied to the O’Rourke family now, and that means I’m tainted. Elvin will never marry me. My mum will be devastated. Da will probably try to marry me off anyway, get me away from O’Rourke before he finds out I’m carrying his child, and who knows what Loch will think. He’s already told me I’m his. This will only make that seem more real to him. But how can I belong to him? How can any of this be happening?

I’m not supposed to be roped in with the Irish mafia. I’m just supposed to finish my degree and work for my father’s business.

I wash my face in cold water to rid myself of my self-pity, compose myself as best as I can. It’s time for me to get a fucking grip. If my father can work with criminals—maybe even be one himself—and hide it from our family, then I can handle this last delivery to Darren Connelly and tell him to fuck off. I’m going to be a mother, and that means I need a backbone to protect my child. I have no clue what I’ll do or what will happen next, but folding isn’t an option.

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