Page 37 of Love in Pieces

“I’m okay, Mer. Really,” I try to assure her, but she doesn’t let go. Rather, she tightens the hug. “Mer? Can we go inside?”

She sighs but lets me go. “I suppose. Thanks for taking care of her, Dallas. I appreciate it more than you know.”

“Of course.”

We start toward the library, but Meredith stops short. “One sec,” she says. She runs back to Dallas, who hasn’t moved, his eyes still glued on me. She approaches him, stands on her tiptoes, and whispers something into his ear.

I watch from a distance, confused as to what she might be doing. When she turns back to me, Dallas shakes his head, a large smirk on his face, and waves a hand nonchalantly in our direction. “What was that about?” I ask when she returns, also wearing the same smirk.

She hooks an arm through mine and pulls us toward the library. “Just doing my due diligence,” she laughs.

I look back at Dallas, hands back in his pockets, watching from a distance. Although, I’m pretty sure his attention was not on my face.

Meredith and I spend the day alternating between sitting through our regular lectures and lounging in the library. It’s hard to stay focused when every sound, every movement, every person drags my attention elsewhere. The updates from the weekend take all day. She takes it all in stride, asking questions, gasping, insulting when necessary, which is most of the time, and giving more hugs than I’ve ever received. With each developing piece of the story, I feel my body finally start to loosen up. It feels good to talk this through.

“So, what are you going to do now?” Meredith asks as we secretly eat our snacks in the back of the library. The loud wrappers are bound to give us away.

“I have an idea. Well, Dallas brought it up first, but I think I might move in with him. They’ve got a spare room,” I say, avoiding eye contact. When I asked to move in with him, my heart raced. I don’t know what got into me to ask so suddenly, with little to no thought, but it felt like the right move. I haven’t regretted asking him since. So, I’m leaning into it.

She tips her head, attempting to regain direct eye contact. “Okay,” she says, drawing out the last syllable. “Is this what your gut is telling you? Because you absolutely cannot go back to your old apartment.”

“It is. They’ve been trying to find another roommate all semester anyway.” I take a large bite of my granola bar to keep from rambling.

Meredith thinks for a moment. “Do you like this option? Because we can always come up with something else. We could find you your own apartment or something.”

I take a deep breath, swallowing my food. “I think so. He makes me feel safe. Maybe that’s just irrational after such a gruesome relationship, but I’ve been able to relax and breathe more in the last two days with him than I have in at least a year.”

Everything between Sam and I has kind of blurred together. Sometimes I wonder how Sam and I ended up in this position, even before the fight at the party. At the same time, I thinkgood riddance,because fuck him. But it’s all so messy.

“Do you trust this guy? Like, fully trust him?” Meredith asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

“I do.”

“Then I trust you to make the right decision for yourself. There is a wrong answer, but you know what the wrong answer is.” She raises an eyebrow

“I know.” Sam is no longer an option. And I refuse to live with Mom again. I cannot put myself in a place where she keeps trying to “help me” as she puts it.

Shit. What the hell am I going to tell my mom? I don’t know how she’ll react to the breakup. And do I tell her about ... everything else? She’d probably think I’m overreacting and overplaying it, and then tell me to suck it up and get back together with him. Just another reason I’d be a failure to her. And Cameron, I couldn’t even begin to know how she’d react.

I run my hands down the sides of my face. “It’s not like I really have anywhere else to go anyway, right?”

“Not really. I would offer for you to move into my dorm, but I already have a roommate, and I don’t think I can just kick her out.” She chuckles at the thought. As if reading my mind, she asks, “This is probably a stupid suggestion based on what you’ve told me about your mom, but moving back home isn’t an option? I know it’s a longer drive, but I feel like that’s your only other option.”

“Absolutely not. My mother and I would end up strangling each other by the end of week one. The drive wouldn’t bother me. She would.”

My mom was already turning into an angry woman due to the impending divorce, but when my father passed away, she turned it up tenfold. It was a complicated time, and the emotions were not easy to sort through, for anyone. She and I started butting heads a lot. She’d get upset with me about my grades not being as good as my sisters were, how messy my room was compared to hers, or even how my interests weren’t as good as hers. Cameron was an amazing athlete with the perfect grades to back it up. She got into college on a full-ride scholarship. I, on the other hand, did not. No sports, okayish grades, and a messy bedroom. My dad made sure that my college would get paid for with the trust fund, but I still have to wait to use it. Work hard now, save the trust fund for later. That’s been my motto. All that to say, no, I will not be moving home.

I jump at the ping of my phone.

D: Hey, I’ve got practice at 4. You wanna tag along? Otherwise, you are welcome to go back to the apartment if you want.

A: Yeah I’ll tag along. I’m at the library. I can meet you at the field.

Once I’ve finished packing my things, Meredith pulls me into a tight hug one more time. “I love you. You know that right?”

“I love you, too. Thanks for the company today. I really needed this,” I mumble into her shoulder.

She releases the hug but holds her grip on my arms. “Of course. By the way, as you know, my birthday is on Thursday. Since classes end on Thursday, I was hoping to go to the bar. You in? We can pregame in my dorm to save a little money if you want. Do you still have a fake ID?”

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