Page 45 of Love in Pieces

When she finally joins me on the bench, she sits close enough that our thighs touch. She leans back and sighs as if letting all her worries leave with the breeze. The silhouette of the tree line across the pond sits lonely, holding all its secrets in the shadows. Just when I think the night can’t get any better, Abby rests her head on my shoulder. I hesitate a moment, contemplating my next move, but decide to do the same. When she doesn’t push me away, I relax my racing heart.

A satisfying silence drifts on the breeze. “I like to imagine some cute old couple put this bench here as a way to escape reality. That’s what I use it for at least. I wish I could get out here more, but my schedule is always so busy during the school year. Maybe now I can make more of an effort.”

A breathy laugh sounds from her chest. “It’s so pretty. Especially at night. I bet the sunrises and sunsets are even better.”

“I wish I could say. I’ve never made the time to be here during one. But I think it would be amazing to see.”

She sits up quickly, turning to look me in the eyes, her brows raised. “Never? With this view? How?”

I shake my head. “Busy I guess. Like I said. I’ve never made the time for it.”

She hums. “We should come out here for one sometime,” she offers, laying her head back on my shoulder.

I don’t know if she heard how quickly my heart skipped at that moment, but I could hear it in my ears. A smile spreads wide on my face as I quietly celebrate her idea of a future, what, date? “I would love that.” We remain silent for a long moment before I speak again. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go for it.”

This question will go one of two ways, but I ask anyway, needing to know the answer. “Why do you think so little of yourself?”

She doesn’t move. “In what way?”

“You seem so confident in who you are as a person, your personality, your quirks. But when it comes to speaking up for yourself or doing your own thing, you panic, you question your every move.”

She doesn’t speak right away. She adjusts her head on my shoulder and takes a deep breath. “I’ve had to in order to keep myself safe. To keep my heart safe. Allowing myself to feel anything but guarded has always gone awry. I guess I’ve just adapted to my surroundings. And with Sam, I had no choice but to stay silent if I didn’t want to get hit, especially over the last couple of months. If I didn’t speak, then we didn’t fight.”

“Why didn’t you leave sooner? If you knew he wasn’t good for you, if you knew simply saying something the tiniest bit wrong would get you a beating, why not leave?”

She sits up, fidgeting with a loose string on her jeans. “You don’t understand. Youcan’tunderstand. It’s not that simple. Did I want to leave? Absolutely. Could I have?” She shakes her head. She stands up and moves to the water’s edge, arms folded across her chest. “It’s not that easy. I tried. A few times actually. But the last time I tried, he dragged me back. Literally dragged me by a fist full of hair into our apartment. I mean, you saw what happened the day after the party. Sam’s not even in the state and he still managed to control me. Fear is what keeps me in place. I submit to keep myself safe and sane.” She pauses, looking out over the water. “This,” she holds her arms out wide, then turns to me, “riding with you. It’s the freest I’ve felt in a very long time.”

I join her at the edge of the water and rub the sides of her arms, attempting to soothe the trauma radiating from her. The tension, the silence, it’s palpable. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push. I’m just ... trying to understand.” An owl sounds in the distance. She separates from me, cold air filling the gap.

“I don’t understand why—” she starts but cuts off abruptly.

“Understand what?” I ask softly, hoping I’m not prying too much. I don’t try to close the distance. This space between us might be exactly what she needs. If she’s never talked about this stuff before, she’s likely freaking out on the inside. She’s starting to open up to me. Deeper than surface-level fears and insecurities. As much as it hurts my soul to hear, I’m grateful for it.

“You’ve been so incredibly nice to me. And I know I’ve asked before. But you’ve let me move into your apartment. I can’t pay rent. I can barely be alone. I’m like a needy two-year-old that needs an adult at all times.” She chuckles at her own joke, and my spirits lift a little. Hearing that small laugh makes my heart lighter, knowing she’s not completely lost in thought. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just not used to all the kindness and actual, um ...” she pauses, looking for the right word. “Emotional maturity? I’m not used to that.”

She spins on her heels, meeting my gaze. The moon reflects in her eyes. The blue radiates so brilliantly I almost forget what we’re talking about. “I don’t know how to answer that any differently than before. You deserve a chance to be happy. To be yourself. Free from anyone’s judgment or ... ‘helping’ hand. I want you to have a fighting chance to make your own choices. Doesn’t everyone deserve that?”

I can’t help but think about my own choices with my family situation. I haven’t talked to my dad since our fight on the phone. I suppose he made his own decision. But just like Sam’s choices, it doesn’t mean it was the right one. But he did so of his own volition.

Now may not be the time to bring this up, but it needs to be talked about at some point. “So, maybe this is bad timing right now, but Sam’s due back in a week or so, right? Is that ...? How are you ...?” I don’t know how to finish the question.

She takes a long deep breath and shakes her head. “Honestly, terrified. But I really don’t want to talk about that right now.”

I nod. “That’s okay.”

“Can we go home?” Abby asks quickly.

“Of course.” Abby leads the way back through the trees toward the bike. I can’t help but feel like I ruined the moment. Maybe I should have let her have this moment without all the questions. “Sorry if I wrecked the night. But you intrigue me. Make me curious. I want to learn everything about you.”

She doesn’t say anything until we arrive back in the parking lot. As I start to turn the bike on, she grabs my hand, forcing me to face her. “I’m not mad. I appreciate you asking. I haven’t had someone to vent to like this in a very long time, if ever. Meredith can be a bit ... overbearing with all this stuff, so it’s not something I choose to talk about with her very much. You challenge me, and I appreciate that.” She smiles, squeezing my hand.

I hesitate before tracing my thumb along her jaw, pausing at her chin. She tilts her head up. Those blue eyes meet mine. Our lips are mere inches from each other. But she turns as I start to close the gap, grabbing her helmet from the bike.

I drop my chin to my chest, hand hovering in mid-air momentarily. A deep breath does little to ease my troubled mind. “Sorry,” I breathe.

“Don’t be,” she says before standing on her tiptoes to place a delicate kiss on my cheek.

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