Page 70 of Love Rewritten

I stand there stunned for what feels like minutes. My body temperature rises with each passing second. I pull Abby into a hug because I still can't put my thoughts into words. Only a string of curse words seems fitting for such an epiphany. Abby squeezes my torso like she's trying to put me back together and I think it does, even if just a little.

My shaky emotions, I don't even know how to label them right now, are turning into a simmering anger because of Aubrey. I won't put all the blame on her for our past relationship. She and I could have,shouldhave, both ended it a long time ago. It shouldn't have even started. But now, with the way she's been acting, all I can think about is all the times I'd been drunk and followed her back to her place without a second thought, or the times she's pulled me behind the bar to try getting me back after I broke things off, blaming me for not understanding and rejecting her. It's always been my fault.

But it's not my fault.

I've done what I should have done such a long time ago.

And now, I won't be sorry for cutting things off completely.

After last night, being in a bar is the last place I should be, but I only have two days of work left at Landry’s and I’m free. Don’t get me wrong; after working here for three years, I’ll miss this place. It’ll be a bittersweet end. But I’ll be really glad to have a regular weekday schedule at the hospital doing what I want to do instead of what I have to do. The decision between baseball and the hospital was made for me. On one hand, it made it easier, but I still have some pain in my heart from not getting to choose for myself.

But that doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is getting through today and tomorrow, and then I’ll be able to start on Monday at the hospital with a clean slate. For a few days at least. Abby’s court date is Thursday of next week, so I’ll only be working for three days before taking the rest of the week off. I’d made sure with my new boss, Sarah, that I could do that. I told her that my only stipulation on starting early. She never even questioned it.

“Can you go grab another jug of ice?” I ask Jordan. Aubrey and I are training him together today to make sure he’s fully ready for when I leave even though I'd rather be anywhere she's not. It's taken everything in me to hold my tongue since getting here.

“Yeah, one or two?”

I check the bin before responding. “Grab two just in case.”

“You got it, boss.” He disappears into the back.

I check the booth in the back where Abby sits. She’d insisted on joining me after our discussion this morning. I’m not sure if it’s a comfort thing for her or if she’s trying to keep an eye on me, make sure I don’t fall down the rabbit hole again. Either way, I’ve always enjoyed having her company while I work, even if we don’t talk the entire time. She’s cleaning her glasses on her shirt, staring at the notebook I got her. She’s filled a few pages already. She still won’t let me see what she writes in there, and I’ve stopped asking. I’m just glad she’s using it.

She made eye contact with Aubrey for a split second at one point today but managed to keep her face somewhat neutral. I don’t think Aubrey caught the look of disgust, but I did. I know those facial expressions all too well, and Abby doesn’t exactly have a great poker face.

Jordan returns with a jug of ice clutched in either hand, so I take one to help him out as he pours his into the ice bin on Aubrey’s side of the bar. She’s been a little quiet the past couple of weeks. It’s been nice but a little unnerving, especially after my realization this morning. It’s not like her. Prior to this morning, I’d wanted to ask if everything was okay, but that goes against everything I’ve been telling myself about what our relationship needs to be. So, I’ve left her to her own devices.

She and Jordan seem to have taken a liking to each other, though. Enough so that she’s been talking to him a lot more than me during work hours. I wish I could warn Jordan not to get too involved. But that would completely dox me and Aubrey.

All of that comes to a screeching halt when she approaches me a few hours into our shift with a sly smile on her face. “Can I talk to you out back?” she asks, nodding her head toward the back door.

My brows furrow as I contemplate my decision. “About what?”

“Please? I just want to talk. Not here. Jordan and Dylan can cover the bar for a bit.”

A bit? I sigh, giving in. It's time to finally terminate things with her. “Fine. Five minutes.”

She smiles, heads into the kitchen, and out the back door. Here we go.

I look over at Abby one more time, see that she’s back to typing away, and follow Aubrey out the back door.

“So, what’s up?” I ask, leaning against the brick.

“I just wanted a chance to talk to you before you left, and I potentially never see you again.”

“I’m sure you’ll see me around.” Even if I don't want to see her. And I certainly won't be coming back here anymore.

“How are you and Abby?”

The question catches me off guard. I don’t bother hiding my confusion and shock. “What? We're fine, why?”

“Well,” she says, taking a step closer, “I wanted to get a gauge on the relationship. See if … I don’t know, you might not be as into her as you let on.”

I raise my brows, my jaw falling open. “Excuse me?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. I’ve not hidden this from you, Dal.”

I swallow the anger already rising in my throat. “Aubrey, I don’t know how to get through to you about this. There is nous,” I say, frantically pointing in the space between us. "Never will be."

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