Page 21 of However You Want Me

I don’t answer. It doesn’t seem like he’s talking to me.Where am I?

Eventually, I move my eyes and look at his face. Mr. Jay glares at me like I’m the one who kept us in here for so long.

He scoffs. “You’re done.”

I don’t bother to hope. I know he doesn’t mean that I’m done here at the school. They’ll never let me out. They’ve made that clear. I’m too worthless and stupid to be let out of this place. I’ll never tell them exactly what they want to hear, so they’ll never send me anywhere else.

“Done?” I ask. My mouth feels tacky and dry.

He leans in close, his eyes nearly black with anger. “Done for the night. You’ve wasted enough of my time. Get up you fucking animal.”

I can’t. My stomach is in knots. My legs feel weak. In some faraway part of my brain, I’m still in the neighborhood. I’m still looking out at the girl through my front window. For once, it’s not a cage. She’s outside in the sunlight, and I can look at her as much as I want.

Mr. Jay’s fingers dig into my arm. He escorts me through the hall—dragging me, really, and muttering things under his breath.

We stop outside the staff bathroom. He bangs in through the door, leaving me in the hall.

When I first got here, I might have seen this as an opportunity to try to run away. Now I know there’s no point. I won’t get to the front doors. Even if I did, there’s miles of empty land between me and the nearest place I could go for help.

The teachers would find me.

I turn my head, and there she is.

For a few seconds, I think I’ve gone back into my daydream. Maybe my mind really has split off and I exist there now.

The girl sits in a chair with no desk in front of it, her hands folded in her lap, her eyes bright despite the lack of light in the hall or in the room.

That’s the room they take people to for punishment. When they want to hurt somebody so bad there’s no record of what they’ve done. That’s the room with no cameras.

I stare at her face, hungry for the sight of her.

Her dark hair is a mess on one side, like she hasn’t brushed it in days. Her skin is pale, even her lips. She doesn't look like she did. She’s sick now like me. Fuck. Everything twisted in knots inside of me get tighter. Not her.

I stare at her but she doesn’t look up. She doesn’t see me.

She’ll never see me.

I can’t stand the thought. She has to see me. I almost say something. I swear there’s a whisper of a question: what’s your name? On my lips.

I’m breaking rule number one, and I’ll pay for it. If Mr. Jay steps out of the bathroom behind me, he’ll take me back to the room we just left. He might even punish me in front of the girl, in the room with no cameras.

I don’t care. I can’t stop.

Water runs in the staff bathroom. I have a few more seconds. The girl stares back at me, completely still, not making a sound. I know she sees me, though. Her eyes get a little brighter. Her breathing is a little quicker.

Sheseesme.

My stomach lurches again and my head gets light. I’m forced to lean against the brick wall. It’s fucking freezing. Suddenly everything is freezing.

The bathroom door opens with a creak behind me and I stand up straight, holding back bile. I turn my head forward and let my face fall into an emotionless mask. I don’t move a muscle, as if I’ve been staring forward the entire time Mr. Jay has been in the bathroom.

I can feel her eyes burning into my skin.

My heart beats loud in my ears. Another few seconds stretch by. All I want to do is look back at her but I don’t.

One day. One day we’ll be out of here. But I don’t know if I can wait that long. If they’re doing to her what they do to me… They have to be stopped. She can’t turn into what I am. They can’t do that to her. I won’t let them.

HALEY

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