Page 107 of Dark Souls

“I think I’ve been having flashbacks of your past, Luka. When I sleep, these memories come to me. But they are not mine. They are yours.”

He shook his head, completely taken aback by my confession. “How? Why?”

“I don’t know. I have always had the power to hear people’s thoughts but never their past or futures. This is new. And so far, it’s only happened with you. I think us being soulmates has something to do with it.”

He remained deathly still and silent for a while and I let him work through whatever was going on in his mind. When he finally looked at me, I saw a spark of something in his eyes. One of those rare moments of vulnerability shining through.

“What did you see?”

“First, I saw your mother. You were just a child. She was tucking you into bed and singing you a lullaby. You’d cut your forehead and asked her to kiss it better,” I said carefully as he slumped down into a chair and placed his head in his hands. I moved closer to him, apprehensive at first, and weaved my hand through his hair tenderly. His shoulders sagged at my touch. “She was lovely. And she clearly loved you very much.”

He shot out of his seat in a blur, causing me to jump back in alarm as he paced the floor, his hand covering his mouth. That viciousness in his eyes was back in full force as he glared at the floor.

“I can’t do this.” He started shaking his head. His whole body was trembling, and I knew he was close to losing control. “I can’t—”

“Hey!” I raced forwards, grabbing his shoulders and forcing his back against the wall. “Look at me! Luka, this is a good thing. I know you can’t tell me about your past but this way, I might put the pieces together. I’ll be able to figure out what happened and how to help you.”

“No!” he shouted, grabbing my face in his huge hands so firmly I gasped. “Not like this. I can’t have you knowing like this. Seeing it all. Feeling it all. The pain. The suffering. The torture. The deaths. Everything that happened to me and why. You’ll see it and I can’t protect you from it!” His voice wobbled with sudden emotion and I swear his eyes flickered with a rim of the darkest shade of emerald I’d ever seen. Oh my god… I was reaching him. I was tearing beneath the surface of his vampire form and reaching his humanity.

“Luka, I can handle it,” I promised, stretching up to his face as he shook his head frantically. “I know I can handle it all. No matter what, I’m not going anywhere. It won’t scare me away.”

“No. You can’t promise that,” he growled, the red back in full force as I felt the disappointment pull in my chest. But I hadn’t imagined it. It was there. His humanity. Just below the surface. “It will ruin you. You’ll leave me.”

“I won’t.” I tugged his head down to mine, pressing my forehead against his as I stared into his eyes. “I won’t leave. No matter what you’ve done in your past. No matter what I see. I won’t leave. I’m staying through the darkness, Luka. In fact, I am already in it. And I am staying here whether you like it or not. I will find a way to drag us both back out of it if I have to, but I am not leaving without you. Do you hear me?”

“I can’t trust it. I can’t believe you will accept me and everything I’ve done,” he whispered, his hands weaving into my hair and pulling tightly until my head tilted up to his. “But I am in too deep with you to care if you break my fucking heart, Ilaria.”

“I’m not her,” I said with conviction as his eyes widened slightly. It was the confirmation I needed. That witch bitch had betrayed him. “She broke your heart, didn’t she? Belladonna Knowlton.”

His lips parted, breathing deeply as his eyes scanned my face and landed on my lips. “No. She betrayed me. But she couldn’t have broken my heart, love. Because it has only ever belonged to you.”

The world stopped moving as we stared into each other’s eyes. And then his lips were on mine, frantic and passionate. I jumped up into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist as he held me to him, his hand in my hair and our tongues fighting for each other’s taste.

And that was the moment. The moment I knew I’d die for this man. I’d find whoever hurt him. If they were already dead, I’d dance on their graves. If they were still breathing, they would meet my wrath. I wouldn’t stop until I found every person who had taken a piece of him, leaving him broken and fractured. I’d steal those pieces back one by one until he heals. He would never be the same as he once was, but he’d be mine. My Luka. And one day, he’d realise it too.

Truth Serum

Mymindwasmadeup. I was all in.

After our passionate kissing turned into passionate fucking over the kitchen island, my mind felt clearer about Luka and me than it ever had before. Were we perfect? Not by a long shot. Did he still harbour dark secrets that kept him from truly letting me in? Of course. But none of that scared me like he expected it to. He still didn’t trust that I wouldn’t walk away from him when his past was revealed, which it would be because I was more determined than ever to figure this all out. But that was okay. Trust took time. And I knew I had to prove I wasn’t going anywhere.

One thing was obvious to me now. Luka was alone in this world. He had no support system. No living relatives, from what I can tell. No friends. He was a complete loner. Where I might have thought it was by choice just a few days ago, I was realising it wasn’t. He pushed people away. He’d built a wall around himself to not only protect whatever was left of the person he used to be but also to keep everyone else safe from the monster he thought he was. Or at least that’s what he thought he was doing. But I was slowly chipping away at that wall, brick by brick. And he was letting me.

There was only one problem with being all in… Heathen. I knew whatever was going on between us had to end. My stomach tied itself into knots and plummeted at the very thought. I could no longer deny I cared for the demon. Deeply. Which was madness. But he also terrified me because he really was more powerful and deadly than anyone I knew. And that was saying a lot. Add that to unpredictable and obsessed; it was not a good combination. How do I make it clear we can be nothing more than friends without heads rolling? Mine and Luka’s, to be exact. I chewed my bottom lip as I leaned back into Luka’s chest, knowing I had to come clean to him about my last run-in with Heathen soon, but I was so anxious about the consequences. We were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor. He was leaning against the island with his back, and I was nestled between his legs, wearing only his hard-worn sleeveless tee. His huge arm was wrapped around my waist, holding me to him like his most treasured possession as his other hand rotated his tumbler of vodka on his thigh.

Staring down at his veiny, tattooed forearm that was restricting my breathing just a little, I traced the raised outlines of the scars beneath all the ink. His body tensed behind me, but he didn’t ask me to stop like before.

“Why do you do it?” I asked softly, for no other reason than to just try to understand.

“Control,” he husked from behind, leaning his head back against the island. I fought the urge to peer over my shoulder to read his expression and remained still, only my fingers caressing his skin so I didn’t spook him any further into retreating emotionally. He was finally talking. “Or my lack of it.”

I licked my lips to hide the emotions that threatened to show. “So when you feel out of control, you hurt yourself,” I clarified. “Because it’s the only thing you feel you can control?”

“Pretty much.” He lifted his glass to his lips and took a sip before lowering it back to his thigh. “Without my humanity, it’s like my brain is in a constant state of numbness. Nothing affects me except rage. When something pisses me off, I lose it. Pretty fucking quickly. My thoughts constantly take me to dark places, and I know I should feel more when they do. But when I don’t care, when I feel nothing at all, it’s like I barely exist. But the moment the wooden blade pierces my skin and I see the blood, I feel relief, knowing that I am still me deep down. It’s freeing. It’s stupid and fucked up, I know. But it keeps me sane.”

Unable to help myself, I shifted against him, turning to stare up at his gorgeous face. He furrowed his dark eyebrows, drawing them down into the bridge of his nose beneath a few strands of wayward red hair. His wide jaw clicked from one side to the other as he stared down at his glass.

“It’s not stupid. It’s survival. I just wish you didn’t have to cause yourself pain to feel free. And I wish you didn’t feel you had to live a life with no humanity. I wish I knew how to help you.”

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