Page 125 of Black Sheep

“It’s the truth. It’s the truth that led me to do a lot more bad things after. There’s no coming back from that either.”

“What…what are you saying?”

“That you were right when you said we can’t ever go back. I am what I am.”

“No, we can. We can try and put it behind us.”

I shake my head. “Not this. Not so much pain and suffering. It’ll always be between us.”

Her hand presses her flat belly. “So…what about the baby?”

Agonizing blades rip my insides to shreds, but the truth is a glaring beacon. “It’s better off without me.”

“God, no. Don’t say that. Please!” Even crying, she’s beautiful. So very beautiful it hurts.

I stumble toward her, ashamed of my one last act of selfishness. “I need…Can I… Please, let me hold you, one last time?” I beg.

“Axel…no. I don’t want you to g—”

“Please.”

“I love you!”

“I love you too.” It’s the only truth that makes sense. I cross the distance and take her in my arms. The kiss would be anointing if I were still alive. But I gorge on it, the way a man headed for his doom would. When I press her away, she looks at me with the most gorgeous eyes I’ve ever seen.

My heart kicks hard then somersaults just for the hell of it. I never dreamed I’d see her look at me this way again. I want to freeze her in time so I never lose that look. “Goodbye, Cleo.”

“No.” Strong hands dig into my arms. I grip her gorgeous body and gently set her away as the last chain to my anchor snaps free.

“You’ll be okay without me. I promise. I’ll always love you.”

“Then stay.”

“I can’t.”

The blood on my hands will never come off. She doesn’t deserve that.

So I walk.

Chapter Thirty-Three

PENANCE. TOGETHER. FOREVER.

Us

Finnan Rutherford is charged with war crimes two months later. I don’t doubt that, between Axel and his powerful allies, they orchestrated a process that could’ve taken years and reduced it to weeks. The trial takes three weeks and four days. He’s sentenced to life imprisonment without parole.

For every one of those days, I sit in court two rows behind Axel. He knows I’m there. His shoulders tense every time I look at the back of his head. But not once does he turn or acknowledge me.

On the day he testifies, I catch my first real glimpse of his face. He looks as haggard as I feel. But he’s strong and proud and ruthless when he puts the final nail in his father’s coffin.

For my part, I feel little shame in rejoicing in the vengeance my father indirectly receives.

With the trial out of the way and the pervasive terror lifted from my life, I have room to think about the future. It’s not the future I once dreamed of but it’s one that still makes my heart lift.

My hand drifts over my belly as I exit the ground floor elevators of the offices of Mackey & Black Attorneys on Madison Avenue. My trust fund is back in my full control, and for the first time in my life, I’m financially independent.

I can buy a house.

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