Page 18 of Arrogant Bastard

His mouth twists, but I can tell he’s not coming from a place of amusement. “It was part of the deeper defrag process, apparently.”

“Defrag?”

He flashes me a half grin. Again, barely amused. “Sorry. Tech speak. They needed to tick a box to say I wasn’t permanently traumatized after the op. She was sent to help me off-load a few things.”

Right. “And did you?”

He shrugs. “The box wasn’t checked for three years so I guess my level of fucked-up-ness was rather epic.”

My hearts starts to bang urgently against my ribs. “And during your off-loading, did you…was there…?”

“Full disclosure?” he supplies gently.

The secret that has become part of my DNA rises like a stone and wedges in my throat, preventing me from speaking. So I nod.

Killian leans forward until his face is right up in front of mine. Startlingly direct eyes bore into me. “What do you think?” The question contains a steely edge. As if he’s offended that I would ask that.

“I don’t know,” I answer truthfully. “If you were as fucked up as you say you were then—”

“I may have been off my head a little. Or, okay, a whole fucking lot, but some transgressions I will take to my grave. You know that. Our secret is ours to keep. No one else will ever know.”

I don’t want to think about the series of epic fuckups that occurred in Cairo. Not now. Not ever. So I return my attention to the woman. She’s beautiful, with bright gray eyes and an attention-seeking mouth. The kind that seems to be a hint away from curving in a sultry, I’m-great-at-blow-jobs way. And that’s not all. She’s blessed with the type of flaming red hair that could either be expensively fake or real. I can’t tell from the head shot, and that pisses me off a little.

I wonder if her prettiness is the cause of Killian’s caginess. Did he off-load on Lisa Channing in more ways than one?

“How long did you see her for?” I ask, jerking my gaze from the screen to stare down at our hands. Our still-joined hands. I try to pull away. His fingers circle my wrists in a definitive hold. I let him keep me prisoner. Just for now.

“On and off for two years. The first shrink didn’t work out.”

Something tightens inside me. “You needed that long to off-load?” Okay, I officially hate that word.

“I wasn’t feeling inclined to cooperate.”

“Why not?”

“They wanted to check their box and put me back in the field. I had other priorities.”

“Which were?”

“Finding you.” He leans even closer and ghosts his lips over mine. “I’ve looked for you every day since you left.”

At my soft gasp, his eyes turn dark. The fierce need to plaster my mouth to his makes me pull back in self-preservation.

“The first time they sent her, I threatened to set fire to the world if they attempted to put me back in it. The threat didn’t go down well and…let’s just say things got progressively worse after that. When it became clear they wouldn’t back down, we eventually reached a compromise.”

My tiny snort of disbelief earns me a raised eyebrow. “I didn’t think you were familiar with that word.”

“I had to learn to be. I figured it was better to get her off my back so I could focus all my energy on locating you.”

“But still, two years is a long time.”

“There was one subject she wanted me to open up about and I was…resistant.”

The hairs on my nape stand to attention. “What subject?”

“You. Me. And Matt.”

I yank my wrists from his hold. He lets me go, and I push my chair back from him. He leans on his elbows and watches me as I fold my arms around my middle in a defensive gesture that projects vulnerability, but I don’t care. “You told her to go fuck herself, right?” I snap, knowing my guilt is what’s making me lash out.

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