Page 19 of Arrogant Bastard

“Many, many times.”

“And did she?” The idea that some stranger is digging into this particular subject makes my skin crawl with guilt and shame and anger.

Killian remains silent for a very long time. “Eventually she got the message,” he finally says.

That caginess is back again. I want to probe it, but the mention of Matt’s name is triggering all my self-loathing buttons, of which there are many. I jump to my feet and pace for a minute. When I turn back, Killian is on his feet too, leaning against his desk and watching me with those piercing eyes.

“Okay, is this all you have?” I wave my hand at the screen.

“You need more evidence?”

My laugh scrapes my throat. “I get the picture. But I’m capable of keeping myself safe.”

“I found you the first time you slipped up. Be thankful it was me. For all you know, the bastards could have this same picture of you.”

“I won’t slip up again. Anyway, this could all be one giant coincidence,” I reply with more hope than certainty.

His face tightens, and a muscle ticks in his jaw. “Come on. You don’t have a naïve bone in your body. Don’t insult us both by pretending otherwise, especially when you know dropping your guard can get you killed. You know a hell of a lot about Cairo that’s just as relevant now as it was four years ago. The case is still open. They’ve sent two teams since we were there, and they’ve done fuck-all at shutting those bastards down.”

“What about you? Is hiding in plain sight still working for you?”

“I’m taking extra precautions but, so far, yes.”

Frustration bites hard. “But for all we know, Ted and Shane didn’t give me up. I can’t look over my shoulder forever. I won’t.”

“You don’t have to. I’ll do it for you. All you have to do is stay put for a while.”

“No, that’s not going to work for me.”

His whole body tightens with a pre-warning that makes my stomach sink to my soles. I’m more than familiar with that look. It’s the arrogant-alpha-bastard look that used to drive me completely nuts, while shamelessly turning me on.

“I prefer we do this without any more…coercion,” he says softly.

“You didn’t say you were permanently out of the game. I assume coercion of a different sort is what you’re doing these days? Like testing drugs on unwitting victims?”

“No. Before you, I only tested that drug three times. All on myself,” he states matter-of-factly.

My arms drop in shock. “What? For a man with the staggering IQ you’re purported to have, that was exceedingly stupid, don’t you think?”

“You think I would use something like this on you before I knew whether it was harmful or not?”

I turn away, slicing my fingers through my hair. “So you tested it on yourself? Jesus. You’re insane.”

“When it comes to you, there’s almost nothing I wouldn’t do.”

I whirl around to face him. “Do you hear yourself? What if something had happened to you? How can you ask me…anyone to bear that kind of burden?”

He gives me that look. The one that holds equal parts determination and sadness. “You would never have known if I hadn’t told you.”

“But you did, and now I can’t not think about you using yourself as some sort of guinea pig.”

“You’re thinking about me. That’s enough for me.”

The ease with which he drops those bombs at me makes my head spin. “Killian…”

“When are you going to get it through your head that I exist just for you?”

My heart lurches traitorously. “I don’t want you to! For the past four years I’ve been just fine being nobody.”

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