Page 65 of Pleasure Payback

He spiked impatient fingers through his hair, throwing me awise uplook. ‘There’s everything wrong with it when it’s useless. When your very existence is built on greed and lies. I didn’t know it then, but my great-grandfather had stipulated in his will that every Mortimer who produced an heir would receive a lump sum or shares for every child. He was very big on family. My father wanted to have six. My mother drew the line at three. They cashed in their fund when Jasper turned five. By his sixth birthday, they were gone. So you see, for me and my siblings, havinghopewas like banging your head hard enough against a concrete wall believing it would yield when you know all you’ll get is a fucking cracked skull.’

Damian

It didn’t make sense for me to expose the parts of my life that were important to me. Talk about leaving myself wide open the way I swore I’d never do. But the strange little kinship I’d felt walking her back to her little house on the hill had lingered long after I’d left Neve in the early hours of Sunday.

I’d shrugged it off as the after-effects of spectacular sex but that feeling had only intensified with her appearance on Monday morning, along with that feeling of wanting to be with her.

So despite my better judgment I’d commissioned a fantasy around my most precious cravings, the things I thought would bring me joy. Was it any surprise that it’d led to this...unholy confession? This unburdening that drew sweet touches and soft sympathy, even as she flinched from the horror of it.

I hated that part. But I couldn’t look away from the sympathy. So I absorbed it, let it soothe jagged parts inside I refused to acknowledge.

I took one breath, then another to calm the raging inside me when she remained silent.

My relief that we were getting off a subject I shouldn’t have started in the first place was short-lived. Neve Nolan had sent me off-kilter since that first night in Boston. I suspected it was a sensation I needed to get used to.

Still, there was no excuse for this. My parents were a subject I didn’t discuss, full stop.

But Neve opened her mouth and I knew she wasn’t done. Just as I knew I wouldn’t be able to deny her.

‘You’ve only mentioned your mother. Where was your dad when all this was happening? Wasn’t he there?’

A chill invaded my system, tingeing my bitterness with sharp icicles that defied the heat of the sun. ‘Oh, he was. But if my mother cared little, he cared even less. Aunt Flo wouldn’t have fared any better if he’d let her into the house.’

‘He didn’t?’

‘My father didn’t even come outside. He watched the whole ungodly spectacle unfold from the comfort of his bedroom window. Truth be told, I’ve never seen Aunt Flo so apoplectic as when she was shouting at her brother from the front lawn. It was positively operatic.’

She inhaled sharply. ‘Damian...’

I brushed my fingers over her plump lips, ignoring the curious fracturing inside me.

‘Shh, it’s okay. If nothing else, you turned a bad memory into a good one tonight, Neve. Thank you.’

She blinked rapidly, as if holding back tears. Her hands framed my face, her fingers stroking my wounded places, her eyes questioning, probing. Seeing too fucking much.

‘What about Gideon? Is he connected to the not-drinking-in-public thing?’

My insides froze, even as the urge to spill that too overpowered me. Was I ready to risk this...whatever had made tonight special? Sure, it was a moment out of time. But what if it all...went away?

I slid my hand down her back to cup one supple buttock, eager to distract myself from the conflict raging inside me. Her lips were parted, swollen from my kisses, welcoming with their sweetness. It would’ve been the easiest thing in the world to lean in, lose myself in her.

And yet I felt them...the dark, turbulent words of my confession rushing from its hidden place, dooming the moment I wanted to hold back with everything I had. ‘I had a bad experience the last time a woman bought me a drink.’

She tensed, her eyes widening. ‘Who?’ she asked softly.

‘She was my cousin’s fiancée. I thought I could trust her. Turned out she was a manipulative bitch who’d broken his heart over and over. She turned up in the bar I was drinking in and sold me a sob story about how hard she was trying to make Gideon happy. How she was failing and needed my help. I let her buy me a drink. And I lost the next six hours of my life to a black hole.’

Neve gasped, her fingers digging into my arm as confusion clouded her eyes for a moment before clarity dawned. ‘Are you saying...?’

My insides clenched tight. ‘She roofied me? All the signs point to that. I’ve never been a heavy drinker, certainly not enough to black out. But it took me a while to accept that as a possibility. I’ve had investigators looking into it since then.

‘The night you and I met was exactly one year after it happened. I’d spent the better part of it trying to get Gideon to listen to my version. He flatly refused. And why the fuck should he? I wouldn’t listen if I found my woman in bed with my cousin either.’

She froze. ‘Oh, my God, Damian...’

Her voice contained shock. Sympathy.Horror.

Icicles coated my veins as she stared at me. She started to remove her hands. To withdraw.

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