Page 69 of Vicious Souls

“Stella’s amazing,” she says, and it’s like she has stars in her eyes. I think Kingsley may just have found herself a new best friend.

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

She frowns, looking perplexed. That frown of confusion is starting to become a permanent fixture on her beautiful face.

“Why do I feel like you’re starting to push me away?” she asks. And I can see why she would think that’s what I’m doing. First, I set up the day with the wives and daughters of some business associates I have in the city – a terrible fail if ever there was one – then I simply watched her walk away from me and out the door to a day with Stella.

I stand and walk to her side of the room, sitting beside her on the couch. She straightens, no longer slouching, and I turn to her, giving her a small smile. To me, it feels like a sad smile, that she would think I was trying to get rid of her. When the opposite is true.

“I’m not pushing you away, King. I just think you’d benefit from spending time with others.”

“But you’ll always be in my life, regardless of how many other friends I have in my camp?”

I have never felt her so fragile.

“I’ll be in your life for as long as you need me.”

“No, that’s not enough.” She shakes her head and stands, her body vibrating with anxiety. “Want and need are two different things – evenIknow that.”

I cock my head, looking at her carefully. Kingsley is getting emotional, which is something she never does.

I try the direct approach with her, asking her to define what she believes she wants.

“What is it that you want, Kingsley?”

“I want you to never leave me, even when you think I no longer need you with me.”

“That’s a hard ask, King. You’ll change your mind one day when you meet someone who will become king of your heart and fulfil your life like no one else can.”

She gives me another firm shake of her head, and I can see moisture pooling in the depths of her eyes. I never want to leave her life. But nor do I want to force myself onto a woman who doesn’t really know what she wants.

When her tears roll down her cheeks, crystal clear droplets resembling diamonds, I smooth a thumb across both cheeks to chase them away and push a kiss to her forehead. I hold her for a long time as we stand there in her living room, and when I make a move, she pulls me back to her and tells me to stay. I’m torn. I walk her to the sofa, lay down then pull her to me so we are laying on our sides, spooning into one another. It is probably the worst thing I could possibly do and I’ll probably regret it later, but it is all I can give her and it seems to calm her down. And that’s how we end up spending the night, our bodies melded into one another, until the early morning hours of our last day in New York.

* * *

“What’s wrong?”I ask her, as we settle into our flight.

“I have a headache.” She’s deflecting.

“I’m sure that’s code for something,” I mutter, calling the hostess over for some Advil. She hands me a bottle and some water, and I shake out two pills for Kingsley. She takes them and thanks me, although she’s been in a mood I can’t fathom ever since we left the brownstone.

“What’s really wrong?” I ask, and she sighs, turning away from the window to look at me. I know she hates complaining, but I feel like she really needs to get whatever it is off her chest.

“I feel all funny inside going back to Seattle,” she says, waving her hand around the general region of her stomach. “Like I don’t want to go back and face Tate and all the problems we’re facing. I don’t want to deal with any of it.”

“That’s understandable,” I tell her. “You said so yourself, that you’ve always toed the line and followed a script. You’ve never had to stand up for yourself. And now that’s changed. So you’re nervous. Anxious. You don’t know what to expect.”

“Exactly! See, you get me.”

In another life, I could’ve been a therapist. A successful one.

“You’ve got a good team on your side, King. And I’m with you every step of the way until you feel comfortable enough to wade through the waters on your own. And even if you don’t ever feel like you can do it on your own, I’ll still be there for you. There’s no expiry date on our friendship.”

She finally falls asleep two hours into the flight, and I take the seat opposite her, if only to watch the steady rise and fall of her chest as she naps. She is so beautiful, asleep or not, and I can’t help but wonder about all the possibilities between her and me. It is my silly place when I have nothing better to do and find I can’t get her out of my mind. I see images of us together, living the life I’ve always imagined. And the images always end with one that is so specific, I find it hard to ignore… the image of a happily smiling King, her belly swollen with my child.

* * *

When we return to Seattle,we do the smart thing and settle on staying at a hotel which could do with our business and is willing to discreetly clear two levels of suites for us. This suits our purposes. I let my father know we’re back and ready to rock ’n’ roll. I can hear his frown through the phone as he pauses before saying anything.

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