I love you.
Quinn doesn’t answer me, telepathically or otherwise, as she stands from the rocking chair and walks Grace to her crib. She places her down and flips over the speaker from the lullabies that had been playing in the background to the white noise that seems to soothe her. I quietly step out of the door, but only into the hallway. Because we need to talk.
Now.
“You know you’re a shitty eavesdropper,” Quinn says as she closes Grace’s door. “How much did you hear?”
Since I don’t know when she actually started, I can’t say everything. “Enough.”
She motions for me to follow her, and we turn into her bedroom. “So then I take it you’ve heard about the job offer?”
“Yeah,” I say as I sit next to her at the edge of the bed. “When did that happen?”
“Yesterday. After the Zoom call with my former students that had me for two seconds thinking I needed to go back to Phoenix.”
Wait, what? “A Zoom call? How much has been happening that you haven’t told me about?”
She quietly laughs. “A lot. But remember, this all happened in the matter of twenty-four hours.”
Quinn goes on to tell me about her former students, who seem to have picked up a penchant for rowdiness from their teacher, and them asking to start a book club with her. How she gladly accepted, but that interaction made her realize she needed to be back in a classroom, and she needed to figure out where.
Not going to lie, the knife hit the gut deep when she said that.
But as soon as that pain hit, a surge of hope ran through me when she told me about her conversation with Shirley. George had told me in passing that she was thinking of retiring, but I never knew that it could be this soon. Or that she wanted Quinn to take over.
“Wow,” I said, giving my head a little shake, because if I’m overwhelmed by this information, I can’t imagine what she’s feeling. “No wonder you’ve been M.I.A.”
“Yeah, sorry about that,” she says. “I’m not great at decision making—which I think has been well documented in my life. I just…I needed to try and think, but every time I sit down and do, my head starts spinning. Though, this is probably what I get for never havingactuallythought something through before. Karma man, she really is a twat.”
I try not to laugh at Quinn’s joke, but since she is, I’ll join with her. “I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”
She shakes her head. “I’m probably not being hard enough. Because this is a major decision, and the last major decision I made was quitting my job without a second’s thought. I moved to Arizona by throwing a dart at a map. I’ve always been act first and figure it out later. But this? I know I can’t do that. There’s just…there’s too much riding on this.”
“Yeah, it is,” I say. No need to lie to her or sugarcoat her situation. But I know I can’t say anything more than that. This has to be her decision. Not her choosing to stay here because I blurt out something stupid like, “I love you.”
“When do you have to make a decision?”
“In theory, soon,” she says. “Mrs. Metcalf only has so long that she can file her retirement paperwork before the next school year begins. Or, if I go back to Arizona, I’d need to start applying for jobs. And my lease is ending soon. Or if I want to go somewhere else, I need to figure that out. I’m just overwhelmed. So I figured I’d ask Grace during our daily chat.”
“Daily chats with Grace? Did she suddenly start talking and you forget to put it on the board?”
“Unfortunately, no. Though I think she either said apple or asshole today. Not sure. But, she is a good listener. Like her uncle. Only she doesn’t talk as much, which is great for me.”
I bump her shoulder as we share a small laugh. But it soon dies out, because we know the gravity of the decisions she’s about to make.
“So what’s next?”
“That’s the problem. I don’t have a fucking clue.”
I don’t say anything. God knows I don’t have any helpful, unbiased advice to give. Because the more I sit here next to her, and the more she’s in my life, the more I realize the only reason I didn’t fall in love with this woman years ago was because she always left.
This time she stayed.
I’ve had a taste of what life with Quinn Banks could be like, and now I want more.
I want forever.
“Can I say one thing?”